Summer Garden Tour

Welcome to my home and garden! I am so glad Lisa at The Preacher's Wife decided to host this little garden party! I don't have much of a green thumb, but I do enjoy digging in the dirt and attempting to make things pretty. Thankfully my husband is game to go along with my ideas, since he typically winds up doing the hard labor portion of any project... like moving all the slate from an existing, boring edging and creating the fun border gardens for our front yard.

I fill these urns (they're plastic- from K-Mart- can you believe it? I know!) with bright blooms to make me happy when I come through the front door. Not doing so well this year, but pretend with me, okay? I'll go get new flowers at the nursery tomorrow.) My favorite spot of our home- the front porch where I do my Bible study every morning and sip my sweet tea and watch the girls in the evening.

These are more shots of the gardens we put in the front of the house last year, I am clearly going to be transplanting some of these perennials.

Happy petunias to greet me as I arrive in the garage repeatedly though the day.

One of two pergolas Rusty built for me last summer. I do love that guy! The first one was for the larger part of the deck, hoping to add some shade, but he didn't want anything growing on it. With very little begging on my part, he agreed to build this smaller one that leads down to the hot tub, giving me free reign to cover it in wisteria.

See the big bucket o'stain in the background? That has been his constant companion for the past three weekends. As soon as he is finished, I get to fill in those planters with wisteria... I can't wait. I'm sure the neighbors can't either~ notice the red bouncy ball loitering in the large empty planter? It is soon to be replaced with hosta to mirror the other side of the deck.

You can't see them, but there are tons (OK 5-7) of giant bumblebees hovering over this plant at all times. Any ideas on how to get rid of them?

Ferns waiting patiently to be hung on the back deck as soon as somebody wraps up the staining project of 2008.
A tomato plant to save us from the salmonella scare. We also grow peppers and zucchini and squash. It is so much fun for the girls to go out and pick the very foods they are eating for dinner. Love it. Wish we had 10 acres in the country.
A hydrangea bloom from the plant Rusty bought me our first summer in this house. He knew I always dreamed of hydrangea plants surrounding my home and wanted to start me on the path to making that a reality. I have since planted two more, but they are still little babies and haven't bloomed yet.
And last but not least, my newest addition and second favorite place to hang out. I found this antique glider and coordinating bolsters while yard saling two weeks ago. Woohoo! There is something so peaceful about gently rocking as the sun sets, that just blesses me all over. I think I have many happy moments to be spent here.

Thanks for stopping by! I'm off to tour some gardens and be inspired....

The Great Commission

I'm thinking about what the Great Commission looks like in my life, as I sit on my front porch in solitude, soaking up a few moments of peace as the day winds down.

I came outside, thinking I would enjoy the silence that descends on the neighborhood as twilight draws near, and yet instead I found discord. The new neighbors on the corner were playing in the driveway with their young daughters, or so it appeared. The Rockwell image was distorted when I heard the mama say to the child that it was time to go, and to say good bye to daddy and the older sister. As the two year old ran down the street, crying as she prolonged the inevitable departure, my heart hurt. How it must wound each member of that family to go to sleep under two roofs, knowing they will be forever involved, and yet not attached.

Then I watched as the neighbor across the street pulled up to drop off his teenage son, "Bye Dad. Love you! See you Friday, maybe I can practice driving in the neighborhood." Minutes after the father pulled away, his wife's new boyfriend drove back into the driveway, occupying the parking spot filled only a few short months ago by the husband of the house. As I watched him close the garage and go through the doors of the home built by another man, my heart hurt.

Two families, different in every way except for one, both needing encouragement to get through the bumps in the road. As I watched their lives unfold before me, it occurred to me that maybe one way I can fulfill God's call to share His gospel with the world is by starting on my own street in the midst of middle class suburbia. Maybe instead of resenting my neighbor's boyfriend, and blaming him for the break up of what appeared to be the all American family, I can pray for him. Maybe when the toddler down the street tries to make a break for it and runs through the yards I can help her mama corral her, and offer her some words of encouragement.

Maybe if I am faithful in doing the little things, God will present me with bigger opportunities to be His light in the darkness. Maybe the Great Commission starts with baby steps.

Energy Source

Whew! We managed to survive an 11th birthday, a surprise 40th birthday party, two end of year picnics, two end of year chapels, a recital, and are now in the final preparations for this weekend's 6 performances of "Snow White". Throw in work, all those last minute teacher gifts to buy, a deck needing 30 gallons of stain, and two a.c. units that decided to go out on the hottest (105 degrees) weekend yet this spring, and you have a reason why I have been too drained to write anything here.

I have lots to say, as always, but no energy to say it. However, I awoke early this morning, (obviously God had something to say to me) and as I searched His Word for some wisdom on how I can be a more patient parent, a better friend, and a more loving wife, I read through John 6. As Jesus was directing the disciples to stop wasting time on the foolish things, and instead to be about Him I found my strength...

When the disciples asked Him how they could work the works of God and carry out what He requires, this was His answer, "... that you believe in the One Whom He has sent. (that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His messenger.)

So simple, and yet I try my best to complicate it, to make it something I can do in my own power, instead of just believing, in His. So today, despite feeling slightly overwhelmed at the tasks before me, I am going to strive to believe in the One He has sent for me, and to trust that His strength will carry me through when my own energy seems depleted.

Sowing

Ohmyword, I'm really looking forward to this weekend, and the chance to get caught up on some household projects. It has been such a busy week, and I am relishing the thought of doing some spring cleaning, and sneaking in some front porch sitting and sweet tea sipping, too!

Rusty is going to tackle the monstrous task of staining the decks, so soon I'll be ready to plant the wisteria over the harbor and the veggies in the deck planters. Rusty insists I wait until after he stains, something about those toxins on our otherwise pure fruits and vegetables. I have been chomping at the bit to dig into the dirt , so it looks like I can at least head to the nursery and start selecting the plants. There is something so affirming about gardening; small seeds or starter plants, with little more than water and sunlight, break forth in towering vines laden with tomatos and peppers, ripe for the picking. When the perennials bloom for the first time each spring it is like a little miracle before my eyes, I really am surprised that it "works", time and time again.

I have been feeling very burdened and overwhelmed, and needing some encouragement. Today, finally, the sun is shining and the birds are singing... giving me hope that spring might finally be here. Just as the earth is shining forth in renewal, my spirit, too, can sense a glimmer of growth and hope.

Just a thought...

Why is it that the quote to have the carpet cleaned was $130.00 on Friday, but today, when another team came, it was $500.00? And why did I feel apologetic when I tried to insist that they honor their original quote? I mean, it wasn't like it was my fault, right? I was especially perturbed when todays guy was talking to the main office and explaining that it was a space about 10' x 20', they couldn't do the whole room because of all the furniture... giving the impression that I was unwilling to move the furniture. Hello! It was only the middle of the room because that was the only area I wanted cleaned. Grrr! I just had the feeling I was being taken advantage of, and I don't like that feeling.
OK, sorry to vent, but I do feel better now. Sort of.

Yikes!

Things occupying my every waking (and some sleeping!) thought...

• Rusty's 40th birthday is this weekend.
• The fact that I only decided this morning to have a surprise party for him- this weekend. Yikes!
• Teacher Appreciation Week this week
• The fact that I am a room mom for both daughter's classes, and for the first time ever, I don't really have a plan beyond today. Yikes!
• Summer Camp sign ups are due
• The fact that I don't know who is going to which camp or when. I also have no idea if we can afford all they want to do. Yikes!
• The last day of school is June 5th
• The fact that I need to plan an end of year party and have given it zero thought, and I only have 4 weeks. Yikes!
• I have lots of work that needs to be processed this week.
• The fact that my brain seems to be dwelling on school and family. Yikes!

I guess I better quit blogging and start planning.

Yikes!

Sunshine, Here We Come!

I still have to give the dog a bath, fold 3 loads of laundry, change the linens on our bed, put dinner in the crockpot, compose a list of who has to be where and when for Nana, shower, pack, and try to sneak in a pedicure. But as soon as that is done, I am headed for a room with this view. With my husband. And noone else.

I can't wait.

Flying memories

Even though it has been several weeks since our trip, I just have to post these ... since my laptop has been on and off again since our return, I have only been able to open up my pictures occasionally. I love this photo NOT because it is flattering of me, but because it was the last leg of our journey home, and it was such a treat to be sitting with both my girls as we landed back in DC in the middle of the night. This was the final flight of my maiden flying journey and the relief at surviving it all was huge!

I love the fact that Rusty knows me so well, and knows exactly how to give me the dreams of my heart, while also helping me face fears and conquer them. Even though I had a lifelong paralyzing fear of flying, he helped me overcome it by facing it, and as a result I feel SUCH freedom. Most people can't understand, but one of my dear friends has the same fear, and I couldn't wait to call her and let her know I did it (and without meds- woohoo!).

OK, so Cassidy's eyes are closed... this is still one of my favorite shots. We were so proud of the girls carting their own little bags through the airport, and decided this is the perfect age to travel. They are old enough to be low maintenance (no diaper bags, carseats, juice boxes etc...), and yet young enough that they still genuinely enjoy being with us and are enthusiastic about everything we do. They adapted very quickly to air travel, and in fact managed the 4 hour flight to San Antonio sitting several rows up from me, on their own. Mid-flight, after the drinks and pretzels had been distributed, I heard the familiar 'ding" to summon a flight attendant, and glanced up to see the light above the girls illuminated. The flight attendant had been SO sweet to us (she was familiar with us since we were the lucky ones whose seats had been overbooked and she had scrambled to get us situated... knowing this was the girls first flight, as well as mine, she had been just precious in making us feel welcome and cared for.) As she responded to the girls, and I sat helplessly worrying about what in the world had prompted them to push a button asking for help, for pete's sake (!!), I saw her smiling politely and then she came to laughingly fill me in. Apparently Cassidy wanted a drink, and took it upon herself to make it happen. She politely asked for an apple juice for her and a sprite for her sister. Oh my. It was precious because this is the same shy bear who rarely will even order for herself in a restaurant. You can't go to Texas and not come home with a cowgirl hat, right?

Mom's inalienable rights!

We seem to be "blessed" with an overabundance of stuff around here. I am constantly purging and trying to sort, but we have the strangest phenomenon going on. The two little munchkins who live here seem to bring twice their body weight in junk home with them every time they leave the house. Whether it is paperwork and projects from school (not even counting the backpacks and shoes), or riding gear, field hockey gear, theater "gear", or treasures from Nana and Papa's house, it is entirely too much for me to manage. Add in the goody bags from parties, the endless tubes of lip gloss and ponytail holders, and the miscellaneous art supplies and you have a mommy ready for the loony bin! (Don't even get me started about the wa*mart bags filled with candy from the Easter egg hunts!)

I seem to be missing the gene that helps you declutter and stay that way, so I manage to get everything in its place, and then find that in a few days it is all back again. I also am apparently not the best mother in the disciplining- your- kids- to- clean- up- after- themselves, so whenever I try to get them involved there is much yelling and gnashing of teeth (mine, not the girls!). Compounding the problem is the fact that I really, really, really, like things to be neat and orderly and tend to get snappy when things aren't that way.


I guess what I am saying is that we need a change around here. If I blog about it, I will be accountable, right? So, I vow that from this day forward I will not clean up for my girls. I will insist that they take their own things in from the car and put them away. I will not pick up damp towels from the floor, and I will not put away the toothpaste for them. They will have to empty their own lunch boxes and fill their own water bottles. In fact, I think I need to come up with a whole new set of rules for this bunch, and post them somewhere. Hm, wonder how this is going to go over with the 10 and under set?

Jesus Loves Me

Tonight at dinner we were talking about the Rapture, and the conversation turned to what it would be like for those unfortunate souls left behind. Cassidy said she would be sad to be flying up to meet Jesus, and seeing all those people left behind on the ground. Her daddy reassured her that she would be so consumed with God's glory that she wouldn't be aware of anything else, and we went on to discuss that we don't know the time Jesus will return, and that it could be any second.

Wow, her eyes were huge! So we explained that those left behind could still turn to Jesus, but it would be a miserable time to live, and there would be lots of suffering for those who had delayed in that decision. When she went up to get ready for bed, she said, "Mommy, when you tuck me in, I want to pray that prayer". Now, we know she loves Jesus, and is a very faith filled little girl. She even asked Jesus into her heart at the innocent age of 4 (under the piano bench with her big sister) and I believe was sincere. However, if there is any doubt that Jesus is welcome in her beautiful heart I am all for inviting Him in again!

So after our bedtime prayers, she prayed with me while her Daddy and big sister looked on, and made sure Jesus knows He is welcome in her heart forever and ever. I have the most precious image in my mind's eye , of Jesus smiling with delight at Cassidy's innocent desire to be absolutely certain that He knows she loves Him, and wants Him to lead her every step of her way. I'm so thankful that He is happy to oblige her.

Monday Morning Blessings

• The warmth of a cozy fire on a drizzly, cool April morning.
• The scent of lavender from my newest melt meandering through the air of my home.
• The beautiful harmonies of "Calling Levi" playing, and encouraging me to stop and lift my hands in praise to my gracious heavenly Father, in the midst of laundry and tidying the kitchen.
• Time with the Lord as I devoted a full hour to Bible study and reading "The Mission of Motherhood". I feel ready to face the day now!
• The ice cold can of diet coke my husband left for me in the fridge this morning.
• The sheer blessing of knowing I live a life full of God's goodness, and that no matter what the day brings, I won't face it alone.

Book review

Do you ever read a book that just changes your heart from the very first passage? The Mission of Motherhood, by Sally Clarkson, has done that for me. I have slowly been reading it since Christmas, and savoring the richness of her words. I pick it up every few days, and allow myself to read short bits before putting it down and pondering what I have read. Typically I skim through books, finishing them in a matter of days, and moving on to the next.

This one, however, has such a powerful message for me that I want to prolong reading, and let it soak into my soul where I won't quickly forget it. She writes so eloquently about the value of mothering, and of God's perspective on this most important position. She offers encouragement and suggestions, tempered gently with examples form her own experiences in this role. As I read, I am encouraged and excited that I have been blessed with this chance to raise two little girls to be women of God.

This book has encouraged me in so many ways, and inspired me to be true to what I am and what I feel God has called me to be. I recommend it to every mother I know; I feel like I have this treasure that they all must need as well. I don't know that it would speak to everyone the way it has spoken to me, but I think it offers something for every woman who is curious about the impact she has on her children, and help her consider that role, if nothing else. So I am curious, has anyone else read Sally Clarkson's writing, and did it change your perception of mothering?

God Bless Texas!

A picture of the girls and I, ready to see the San Antonio River Walk for the first time. We were so excited to be there, and I was still on cloud nine after braving my first flight ever. (It's a good thing we let the girls wear their Easter dresses to dinner, seeing how we missed Easter services by getting lost and spending 90 minutes looking for the wrong church- ugh!) A view of the River Walk through the trees. I loved the Texas flag hanging everywhere... we played a car game with the girls to see who counted the most TX flags and stars. We started by offering them a quarter a star, as a way to earn vacation money, until we realized Texas is extremely proud of the lone star, and we would quickly go broke!

We spent our fist day of vacation settling into our hotel, taking a swim at the indoor pool, and then heading downtown to the riverwalk. We had 8:30 reservations at Boudros, and were blessed to be seated at water's edge for a wonderful beginning to a fantastic week. The girls were such troopers- especially considering dinner was at 9:00 (which was 10:00 to us) and they had been up since 4:00 a.m. We filled our days with so much fun, though, that late dinners became the norm, as did carrying the girls into the hotel asleep each night, before collapsing ourselves!

Am I?

Sweet little cheeks with hair tossed back over the pillowcase, their gentle profiles in sleep draw me in. I kiss their cheeks, their foreheads, and smooth their silky hair. They slumber on, peacefully unaware of my presence, as my heart stretches, and then cracks at the realization that they are indeed growing up too quickly for this mama.

I have loved them desperately since the moment I knew of their very existence, with a fierce and protective passion. As newborns they enchanted me, toddlers they delighted me, preschoolers they challenged me, and as we are firmly entrenched in the school age years, they captivate me with their independence, tempered with need. Seeing them grow into the people God wants them to be is exciting while it is also somewhat terrifying. Am I equipped to lead them in the paths of righteousness? Am I really prepared to train them up in the way that they should go, so that when they are old they will not depart from it? Am I speaking God's Word as we come in and as we go out?

These are my goals, as I look down on their precious sleeping faces, to guide them in the ways of the Lord and be the mother God designed me to be. These are the guiding forces that shape my days and thoughts. Sometimes, I confess, I let worry about my inadequacies plague me, and I doubt my ability to do this job well. Yet when I am still and listening, I hear God saying to me, "I AM. So you don't have to be. I AM sufficient. You don't have to be. Trust and rely on me, and lean not on your own understanding."

Thank You God, that You have my little family firmly under control ~ as long as I relinquish that control to You and allow Your wonderful ways to be done!

Saturday Night Live

I love my life.

It's a Saturday night, and so far I have dusted and reorganized my cluttered office, folded and put away laundry, and sorted through the tubs of spring clothes creating piles to go to goodwill, friends, or the dumpster. Downstairs the girls and a friend, here for a sleepover, are squealing and laughing as they watch the Nickeoldeon Kid's Choice awards, and overdosing on popcorn and fudgesicles. Their conversation fascinates me as they worry about whether or not their favorite pop singer may be "going goth", and sympathize that she must not have had enough time to warm up, because "she isn't singing very well tonight"!

During commmercials I hear them playing games of chicken (what in the world that is, I don't know, but it sure is noisy!) and popping more popcorn. I can tell when they are announcing the finalists, because there is silence for a brief moment, and then sudden chatter again as they each shout out their favorite. As the winners are announced it is hilarious to listen to one sing along with the theme song, another critique the wardrobe choices, and another cheer if their choice won.

I never dreamed, back before I was a Mommy, that it would be so fun to stay home cleaning and enjoy the fun times of my girls on a Saturday night. Sweet times...

Oh, my, I have to join them- I hear Alvin And The Chipmunks!

Faith Allows No Room For Fear

Wow! What an exciting few days we have spent so far on our spring break vacation! This may or may not be interesting to anyone else, but I need a record of this trip, and since I haven't scrapbooked since the the girls were 1 and 2 years old, this is going to be my scrapbook until I get some time to sit down with paper and die cuts. (Do they even still use die cuts?)

Our trip began with me facing my lifelong terror of flying, and praising God as the plane took flight, and managed to remain airborn from Virginia to Texas. God bless the dear woman who chatted with me as we descended and landed. Had she not kept my mind off the bumping and banking, I may have allowed my nerves to flare up again. It was miracle enough that we were on the plane, as United oversold the flight and we boarded to a plane with only 3 seats vacant- as a family of 4! They worked it out, the girls sat together, and Rusty was within arm's reach of me- convenient when it occurred to me that we were " airborn, ohmyword I am in the air, what am I doing in the air!?" After a while I settled down and actually enjoyed the trip, truly praising God and rejoicing in the victory He had given me in an area of my life long controlled by fear. God is SO good, and faithful always. I truly love Him so much!

How like God to even bless me with a Beth Moore study where she is talking about flying in the homework, and the scriptures referenced were those about travel and God's protection of the Jews. I love the way He wants to take care of me in the smallest of details. To say that he delights me isn't even the tip of the iceberg!

(The picture above is of Cailin and I on the shuttle to board the plane. Only God's grace allowed me to appear so calm, and mean it. I have so much more to say, and so many fun pictures to post, but that will have to wait until my laptop is returned to me by the geek squad. It is holding my pictures hostage, and I am praying for a miraculous healing immediately.)

Happies despite the germs.

I am deciding to count my blessings instead of whining about my week. In an effort to do this, I am going to list some Happies from today:

• All bad germs have almost left the premises, after 6 consecutive days of high fevers and general yuckiness.
• Today was the last day of school for 10 days- woohoo!
• Nana and Papa are coming to watch the girls so I can do some last minute shopping.
• Nana will help me get the house in order, and will help out tomorrow, too, if I still haven't found shoes for Easter.
• Tomorrow I get a mani-pedi (so do the girls) and a spray tan. I may not have lost 30 pounds but a tan will take off at least 10, right?
• Dinner is simmering in the crockpot.
• In less than 48 hours we leave for 5 days of family fun time in San Antonio. Sea World- here we come!
• Despite sickness, dwindling bank accounts, and falling behind in my work, I am incredibly blessed and know it! I am blessed with the knowledge that tomorrow marks the day my Savior died for me, and it makes everything else seem trivial in comparison. When I stop to think about all that tomorrow celebrates I want to just dance, and weep, because it is too good a gift to believe.

Catching Up

I'm not sure why, but I have felt extremely laid back about household chores recently. Typically my weekends are a revolving door of home improvement projects and organizing; nesting seems to be what energizes and restores me. Maybe it was the bout with the flu that slowed our household down, but recuperation has not returned my energy for putting the house back together after rearranging and painting two rooms.
Cassidy's old room, now the girls playroom, mocks me every time I pass by. Toys strewn everywhere, bags of clothes to sort through, cd's haphazardly boxed and spilling onto the shelves. Yuck! Since I can, I have been closing the door and pretending it is a closet... no messes here, everything in order folks. Ha! Finally I am admitting the truth- I have a "junk room". Something must be done.
So I am tackling it now, with the intention of at least putting things where they belong. I may still have to purge and paint some bookshelves another day, but for today my goal is to be able to walk into the room without fear of stepping on a plastic horse or barbie.
Wish me luck... I'm going in!

A Great Place to Live

Today, as we were driving through beautiful hillsides, dotted with horse farms and miles of white fencing, Cailin and I were musing about our dream locations to live. She summed it up perfectly I think.

"Mommy, I want to live in a small, little town where nothing happens. And when something does happen, it's a big deal!".

Me, too!

The End...

We arrived at the hospital, where a team of specialists from the vascular department (I am extremely medically challenged so my terminology may not always be right!) waited to examine her. We quickly realized that when the doctors arrive in groups of 4-plus at a time, they are taking this seriously! They evaluated her, with the same concern that there was a clot, and were extremely concerned as to why this would develop in an otherwise perfectly healthy 10 year old girl. We were given the first of many, "this just doesn't happen" explanations of the weekend. After telling our story repeatedly, and being examined over and over (we seriously lost track at 13 doctors), they were ready to do the ct scan and locate the clots. First, though, they had to insert the IV which terrifies Cailin.

I finally was feeling like this was bigger than I was prepared for, as I started to grasp the potential consequences of breaking up a clot, and what it might do to her body. I had been prepared to face whatever battle came, and I trusted that she would be ok, but now I just didn't even want the fight. So I climbed up on the gurney with her, and wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her head until she started to fall asleep, and then I prayed.

We had been praising God all along, we had been claiming victory, and giving Him glory for what we knew He would do. But now I prayed and asked Him to just take this from her. I cried out to Him that I didn't want to do this, I wanted Him to just take it from us. As I said these words, I recalled Jesus begging God the same thing... if it was His Father's will, to take this cup from Him. I paused then, asking if this was what He expected of me? To accept this cup? Then clearly I felt the knowledge that He assured me, "No, Jesus accepted that task so you don't have to. He shed His blood to spare Cailins. She is fine."

As the nurse came in to administer the iv we tried to awaken Cailin, but she was out cold. This was the only sleep she would have until 3:00 when we were admitted to our patient room. When she finally awakened, after 10 minutes of rest, she wiggled her fingers and said, "Mommy, my hand doesn't hurt." She slowly made a fist, which she had not been able to do because of the swelling and pain, since Tuesday. She just kept slowly moving it and staring at it, amazed that she was able, and that the pain was gone. I felt her hand and it was warming up- the color was returning.

They gave her the iv, and then sent her for the CT. They found nothing. We watched as her hand continued to return to its normal color and size, and as she used it freely, pain free. The doctors were astonished. They could not explain it, but they did their best. They drew vial after vial of blood for testing, and the team studying her case included pediatric cardiologists, rheumatologists, neurologists, radiologist, hematologists, oncologists, vascular specialists, and all were baffled. They contacted colleagues around the country to see if anyone had experienced this phenomenon anywhere else. Nothing.

We explained to every person who entered her room that we believed God healed her, and while they couldn't agree that it was a miracle (except one doctor who I believe was a Christian), they also wouldn't say it wasn't. They admitted it shouldn't have happened, they had no idea how to explain it, and sometimes things are just unexplainable. They finally conceded they had done nothing and could do no more- she was well, and she could go home.

We were sent there to be admitted into the pediatric ICU for 24-48 hours (before we would even know if she was out of the woods). Instead we were admitted into the general peds unit, after she was well, for observation, and home in less than 24 hours. Sunday morning she awakened restored and refreshed, and went to church to praise God. Today she is back at school.

God is good. God is big. He is in the miracle business, and He is bigger and stronger than the one who seeks to devour and destroy.

Thank You Jesus. Thank You.

Long, but I have to share this.

Tuesday when Cailin came home from school she said her hand hurt and she couldn't use it even to write. Beginning mid-afternoon while in school, she described having shock pains shooting through her hand to her fingertips, and severe pain. From that point on, she held her hand in one position, whether sleeping or awake, and couldn't tolerate even the slightest brush of fingertips to the skin.

I assumed it was just something minor, but sent her to the school nurse just in case, Wednesday morning. She thought maybe a pinched nerve, suggested we see the Dr. if it still hurt Thursday. Now this is all going on while Rusty is out of town, so I am wondering if she is more sensitive since daddy is gone, and this is how it is manifesting itself. However, by Wednesday evening when she came home her hand was swollen and ice cold. There was no doubt something was wrong, but I was baffled as to what it could be. She hadn't injured it in anyway- it made no sense!

Thursday I took her to urgent care, where they x-rayed her and said basically there was nothing they could see wrong; just see if it got better over the weekend. By now I was really getting concerned, and so Friday morning we saw the pediatrician, who was immediately alarmed and began calling neurologists and vascular surgeons to see if anyone could see her Friday afternoon- HA! She referred us to see a pediatric specialist anyway, which would mean traveling to another hospital, and seemed as though would be the next week before arrangements could be made. She sent us to the ER so we could go ahead and start having some preliminary tests done, and so off we went.

After arriving there at noon, and learning that it would be sometime that evening before we were seen, I was really starting to feel overwhelmed, partly because I am so germophobic and ER waiting areas really freak me out, and partly because I was supposed to pick up Cailin's friend after riding for a sleepover while her mommy went to a charity function. How irrelevant those concerns would become....

As we sat there, a friend text messaged me, which is the first miracle, because I don't text message! I replied that we were in the ER and I would call her later. This friend was the first step in God's amazing plan, as she obeyed His prompting and came to be with us and see if we needed lunch. As we sat there, she scrolled through the list of doctors on her blackberry, saw the name of a surgeon she knew from church, and called his office. She described Cailin's symptoms to his nurse, who said she would have him call us with a suggestion on whom to see. He called back, said bring her to me immediately, and off we went- hallelujah!

He looked at her hand, and then listened to her pulse in her wrist on his doppler. Finding a pulse only on one side, I assumed his Doppler was broken, which is why he took us to a vascular surgeon to use his Doppler. Wrong! The Doppler was fine, her pulse was not to be found on the ulnar side, she had a blockage (meaning a clot somewhere) and we needed to find out where. As the two surgeons are conferring over my head, I began to see the seriousness in their expressions, and wondered out loud if we had time for my husband to arrive from work before we did the test. They explained, ever so gently, as we rushed back to the first office, that we would be transported to a medical center two hours away, because Cailin would need to be admitted to a pediatric unit while they administered "TPA's"- drugs given heart attack and stroke patients with such dangerous side effects they must be give in ICU. At this point I started to grasp the severity of the problem, and it is only through God's grace that I managed to remain semi calm while we waited for Rusty to arrive.

The surgeon prayed with us, and I sensed God's presence, and knew He was in control- I just wanted resolution, and fast! We were told it would be 24-48 hours in the PICU before we would know any outcome, and rushed to pack before heading to Charlottesville for the weekend. Again, God provided as Cassidy was staying with a friend and wouldn't need to know or worry about her sister; we saw a friend in the neighborhood who pulled over and prayed for Cailin on the spot; and as word spread, calls started pouring in of people praying for us. The doctor we were headed to see was previously the chief of the vascular dept. at the Mayo Clinic, one of the best in the country- we were going to be in the best of hands. God was overwhelming us with His provision of everything.

We enjoyed the drive, laughing and praising God, (Cailin still doesn't know how serious her situation was) and preparing for battle. satan was attacking and we were not giving in- as I told Rusty, "It's on!".

Wow!

Right after I hit "post" on Friday morning, I rushed out the door to watch Cassidy's class sing at chapel. Part of my angst that morning had been due to Cailin suffering with a sore hand since Tuesday, and her inability to even write, because of the pain. I had been frustrated that she wouldn't be able to do her schoolwork and I didn't want her to fall behind at school, but I really wasn't sure what to do.

We already had x-rays taken at Prime Care, where they told me to watch her over the weekend, and if it still hurt on Monday to then call her pediatrician. I had a nagging sense that this wasn't right, and I felt such a burden about things that I called our doctor and scheduled an appointment for Friday at 10:45. As soon as I picked her up I felt such a sense of relief that I was doing the right thing for her. I had no idea at the time just how important it was that we see the doctor sooner, rather than later, but by the time school let out I would have the answer to her weeklong suffering.

I have so much to write, and the most amazing testimony to God's goodness and power in our lives, but I will have to do that in the morning. It is such a long story it will take some time to tell, but it most be told. It is a story that changed our lives, and hopefully created a ripple effect that will continue to influence lives around us eternally.

God is SO good.

I'm glad it is only every 4 years!

Ugh! My morning has not gone well, and my attitude has not been what it should be. I let sleep deprivation, pms, and frustration over typical childish behaviors push me into a tailspin of temper tantrum.

I am remorseful for my behavior... slamming a closet door, tossing a cup in the sink (with more force than necessary), and berating the girls instead of teaching them. I am also irritated with things that don't even have anything to do with them, and so that adds fuel to the fire that is my self righteous hissy fit. I am ashamed, and yet I chose to continue snapping at them. I was justified in my disappointment, but what am I teaching them, if when frustrated I behave like they do? I need to be better... it is my job, the job that matters most to me- training them up in the way they should go, not the way the world (and sometimes Mommy!) goes.

I am going to pray and repent, and ask God to please let me do better the rest of they day. I was so excited that today was leap year, and wanted to mark the occassion. Now I'm just glad I won't have to relive this date for another 4 years.

Maybe by then I will have matured.

Like Little Kittens - edited

The girls have been sharing a room for 3 weeks, now, and despite Rusty's concerns about bickering, it has been the greatest thing we have done for our family. (Just like I told him it would be!).

This evening when we went in for tuck ins, the two of them were sitting side by side on their cozy love seat, listening to an Adventure In Odyssey c.d., and playing their Nintendo DS games. Each was doing her own thing, but they were together.

Earlier today, when they were supposed to be folding their laundry, I found them nestled under the down comforter as Cailin read Cassidy a story.

Finally, just now, as we checked on our sleeping girls before we turned in for the night, we found the two of them (and the dog!) asleep in Cassidy's bed, snuggled together like two little kittens.

What a gift we have given them in each other. Thank You God for those precious little lives.
EDITED: I had to laugh when I was awakened to Cassidy wailing, "Mooom! Cailin is being mean and took my covers and won't let me get back to sleep!". Still sweet... but normal sisters!

Happy Valentine's day!

I don't like chocolate, I love flowers but would prefer a fresh hydrangea bush to a dozen roses, and eating out is a staple of our on the go life, not necessarily a treat. So what is a guy to do for Valentine's Day?

Sweet tea waiting for me on my nightstand every morning would be nice...

Oh, and a wake up call from my big guy, while he's at the gym, so I don't have to wake up to an alarm clock's annoying buzz. (I may ask for a snooze or two, requiring return phone calls.)...

Heated towels when I finish my shower would work for me...

I really don't like making big breakfasts, so having those on the weekends would be great...

A foot massage with peppermint lotion after a long day at work would be a wonderful gift...

I frequently decide to paint (or re-paint) but I'm just not crazy about paint fumes, and all that reaching... a cheerful painter would be SUPER....

A husband who adores his family, and puts us before anything else in his life would be something every woman would love to have...

Hmmm, since Rusty gives me all this and more, I think all I want for Valentine's Day is to see my sweet husband and tell him how thankful I am that he is mine.

It's the Simple Things

Things that are making me happy tonight...

• Freshly laundered sheets and my down comforter turned down invitingly.
• The giggles of sisters chasing each other through the house. The silence of a house full of sickness was deafening.
• Knowing that tomorrow we all go back to our normal schedules.
• The warmth of a fireplace on a cold and icy night.
• Being able to actually find things in my recently straightened pantry, and not having canned goods fall on me when I open the door.
• The sweet scent of my girls' hair after a restorative, hot soak in the bubbles.
• Tussin with codeine cough syrup guaranteeing me a sound night's sleep.
• Stink Doggy- Dog has an appointment with the groomer tomorrow.
• A good book on my nightstand with only a few chapters left to enjoy. (Debbie Macomber's "Back on Blossom Street")

After having our routine and household turned upside down by sickness, I am truly thanking God for the blessing of a life full of normalcy.

Life is good.

I'm Baa-ck... Sorta

I have been on a break. Not planned. Just the result of life happening.


Loads of work stress. The kind that made me seriously consider quitting, despite the fact that it would mean giving up luxuries like food and electricity. Stress that consumed me night and day. The lack of sleep led to sickness. After one whole week of coughing and sleepless nights I devoted two hours to urgent care, where I was given the blessed Z-pack of antibiotics.


On Thursday Cassidy came home from school feeling rough, and by bedtime had a fever. The next day her fever was 103.5 and she tested positive for the flu- woohoo! Tamiflu for her, and lysoling of every surface.


Cailin has vacillated between feeling fine, playing outside with her friends, and feeling awful, hanging out with mommy on the sofa. Today she received her own prescrition of tamiflu, and will be spending another day home from school with Mommy.

Rusty even agreed to a visit to urgent care, and admits he's glad I insisted he go! Considering how horrendous he felt with the precious tamiflu (yes, that is 3 prescriptions in one weekend for the mighty flu fighting medicine), he can't even imagine how much worse without.

I finally conceded defeat and spent all of Sunday catching up with my new best friends, Jon and Kate Plus 8. I have wanted to see that show for awhile, and yesterdays marathon provided the perfect entertainment for me from 2-8. Pathetic, hm? I rarely give in to sickness, but this time I have embraced it and allowed myself to wallow in sleep and reality t.v. Boredom is getting the best of me, and if I don't get back on track I will get behind in my work again, and start the vicious cylce all over- ugh!

So tomorrow, while Cailin rests in her room, I will be back to work, and when I am caught up, back to blogging.

I can't wait!

The White Stuff

Finally! After a schizophrenic winter of temperatures varying wildly from 70 degrees one day to 30 degrees the next, it appears that winter has truly arrived. I am sitting at my desk watching jumbo snowflakes tumble from the sky and cover the ugly dead grass. What a beautiful sight!

I guess the girls inside out jammies, ice cube flushing, and frozen spoons under the pillows worked! Their wish came true, and it looks like we might have some hot cocoa and chili in our future. Yum! "Cause it's really all about the food!

Taken Care Of

Whew! I managed to record all the debit transactions from the last 3 weeks (and it may or may not have been slightly more than the 20+ I had estimated!), clean out the two purses I had been juggling in December, and order my 2008 planner. I made the beds, picked up the surface clutter of the house, and washed a few more loads of laundry.

The laundry that had been waiting to be put away has diminished simply because we began wearing things from the baskets, and so they have now made their way on to the dirty laundry pile. Progress? Sure! At least they have moved from the top of the Christmas present pile to a more laundry appropriate setting.

Yesterday I began taking down the trees and piling the multitude of ornaments on the sofa, awaiting proper storage in their original boxes. Oh, I hate that job! I am a "big picture" type of person. I like to envision the beauty of Christmas, but I'm not so great with the details, like putting things in the correct boxes. A character flaw, admittedly, but it is a weakness that I am well aware of. Deciding to face my pathetic excuse for a work ethic head on, I pushed through the challenge and managed to completely dis-assemble the dining room tree. Feeling new strength from this success, I determined to finish the other, dreaded family room ornaments this afternoon.

God, in His infinite wisdom blessed me with a husband who dots the "i" in detail, and with the energy level of the energizer bunny. Rusty, bless that man's heart, managed to put all the ornaments in their tiny little boxes, and banished all remaining evidence of Christmas to the basement storage room, while I took Cassidy to a birthday party. I came home armed with a large diet coke from Sonic, ready to face my most dreaded job, and found it already done for me, by the one who had already done far too much of the putting away. I didn't ask, or even hint for him to do it. He voluntarily did it because he knew how much I dislike that task, and he wanted to help me out. Wow! What a gift.

I am so grateful that my heavenly Father also sees fit to step in and save me from myself, when I am in over my head. I'm so thankful that He sent Jesus, the One Who had already done far too much, to do even more by dying on the cross... for me. I am overwhelmed by His grace in my life, that allows Him to finish those "tasks" I start, but don't have the strength to complete on my own. I am so thankful that He only asks me to trust Him with my struggles, and that He is able and willing to fulfill His glory in my life.

I am so glad that I can rest in the shadow of His magnificence, and know that all is well.

Rest Amidst The Mess

My house is a mess.

I still have two fully decorated Christmas trees to dis-assemble and return to the basement storage room. Between the girls bedrooms lumbers a ginormous tub holding Christmas presents which need to somehow squeeze their way into already full toy bins. The laundry room floor is covered in clothes needing washed, and baskets filled with clean clothes to be folded are perched precariously on top of the tub of Christmas toys.

My bed is unmade, and the dog could benefit from a bath. I have 20+ debit transactions to record before my husband tackles the checkbook tonight, and I just had a call from Wal*Mart letting me know they found my purse. What? I didn't even know it was missing! How embarrassing! I forgot to order my new 2008 planner until yesterday, so I am pretending it is January 10, 2007 and scribbling over last years notes.

The fact that I am calm and not stressed out means one of two things: either I am having some type of clutter denial break down , or (and I think it is this one) I am finally learning to trust that all earthly things are temporal, and my treasure is stored up for me, neat and orderly, in Heaven. God's grace is sufficient for each day, even the ones that are a little topsy turvy because of my own human frailties. Instead of rushing around worrying, I need to rest in the knowledge that He goes ahead of me, and makes the way for me to accomplish whatever is needed of me.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord fights for you; you need only be still.

Hebrews 4:10 For he who has once entered God's rest also has ceased from the weariness and pain of human labors, just as God rested from those labors peculiarly His own.

Back In The Saddle

Even though the girls return to school Monday, vacation ended officially for me today as we ventured out of our cocoon for a day filled with girls' activities. After a late night out at bunco with my girlfriends, I had to drag myself out of bed at 6:15 to iron and pack up the girls horse show attire. Typically I would not leave this task until the morning of the show, but I take vacation to heart, and I couldn't muster the energy to prepare until the last possible moment. Shockingly we made it to the barn on time, and with a minimum of threats, to boot! The girls had a fabulous day and didn't even complain about the arctic temperatures, although they probably didn't feel them since they weren't still for the entire 6 hours that I stood shivering on the "sidelines". (OK, I realize it couldn't technically be called a sideline since it isn't a sports field, but really, what else should I call it? It's really more a metaphor for this stage of my life, perpetually standing on some "sideline" watching someone perform or practice something!).

Anyway, they had loads of fun, we took loads of pictures, and the girls managed to bring home their first ribbons. I managed to even squeeze in some catching up with mommy friends, as we coerced our husbands to make a starbucks run.



We made it home in time for Daddy to catch the last half of the Redskins game and some wardrobe changes before heading out to Cailin's Winter Voice Recital. Finally around 9:00 we made it home and are camped out watching movies. Whew! I guess we are really back in the saddle of this crazy ride we call our life!

Happy Inventors

So much to say and so many fun pictures of our time in the mountains, but that will have to be for another day, as I am trying to get some work done while the girls are still on their Christmas holiday.

They are absolutely delighting my spirit as they are working together in the basement, playing "inventors". They surfaced for a quick search of the house for magazines, glue, poster board, safety pins and paper clips, then quickly returned to their "studio" for some inventing. Oh, I can't even describe the pure joy that fills my heart to hear them working together (mostly- there was some debate about one c0-captain wielding a little more power than the other!) and creating. I am eager to see their inventions, especially with the recent additions of glue and glitter paint!

Hope your heart is full of peaceful joy. Mine sure is.

Christmas at the Cabin "Happies"

One of my favorite bloggers coined the term "happies" (if I knew how to link to her, I would, but in the interest of full disclosure, it is Sarah at In The Midst Of It), which I think is the best word to describe those moments in life when your heart is full and you are relishing the blessing of your life. So here are my Christmas in the mountain "happies"..

• Arriving and knowing Nana and Papa are already there, and have a Charley Brown tree waiting to be decorated.


• The squeals of the girls as they greet Nana and Papa, even though they just saw them the day before as the truck was loaded with all our goodies.


• The peace that fills my soul as we step outside and hear the stream rushing by, and nothing else.


• The fun tradition of Mom and I driving 30 miles to the nearest Wal*Mart to stock up on groceries for the week.


• Everyone wearing jammies round the clock... once even in a rush trip to the emergency room!


• Time spent sitting by the fire reading, napping, and playing games as a family.


• Wrapping gifts by the fire and watching It's a Wonderful Life, on Christmas Eve.


• Spending Christmas Eve with Rusty in a small town, buying stocking stuffers and having lunch together while the girls build a gingerbread house and string popcorn and cranberry garland with Nana and Papa.


• Taking the girls to see the live nativity.


• Hiking in the mountains and sleigh riding in the snow.


• Having nothing to do except enjoy time together as a family, remembering what a gift God gave us in His Son, and rejoicing in the blessing of our life in Him.

The Best Shot of the Bunch

This is our Christmas card picture. I planned on doing a family photo at a real live studio, but the combination of Daddy rarely being home in the evening, and Mommy's roots being 4 inches long led me to include only the cutest members of our family. After arguing about jewelry and hairstyles, and breaking a sweat because bedtime had long since come and gone, I managed to snap this photo, which I actually love because of their bright smiles. The dog, in a chokehold, regrets ever being a part of the process and is plotting her revenge, I can see it in her eyes.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas From Our Home To Yours!

Thanks BooMama for hosting our Christmas tour of homes!

Last year I peeked in the "windows" of everyone else doing the Christmas bloggy tour, but this year I am so excited to join in! Come on in and see some of my favorite areas of our home.

Welcome to our home! This is the little stretchable

snowman who greets you.

If the girls have been here he is much taller,

as they love to pull him out to his full height.

Part of Daddy's miniature village,

and this is his favorite piece... reminds him of the cabin where we spend Christmas.

I love the poinsettia because Rusty's students grew

them for him to give the teachers as gifts. My

Dad always brought poinsettias home for my Mom

and me, and I love that Rusty is continuing that tradition

with our girls.

The Santa Room where we hang

the stockings... we use the fireplace

too often to hang them on the mantel!

This hangs on the french door in the breakfast room.
My favorite Christmas decoration.

Seeing these vintage ornaments by the fireplace

always makes me happy.

I just love this little corner with my favorite rooster.
Dining Room Christmas Tree. I love this tree because it holds all the "pretty" ornaments I bought as a newlywed craving a "picture perfect" tree. Now my favorite tree is the one in the living room that holds all the sentimental ornaments. But this one still holds a special place in my heart.
Garland on the stairs. I've done this as long as we've lived in this house, and every year say I am changing it, but here it is again!
A few of Daddy's santas on display. The girls decorated this room completely by themselves this year, hallelujah! I am hoping this is a trend that will spread throughout the house next year!
I give Rusty one of these Santa's each year. I love that I received my Papa's Bible after he passed away a few years ago, and keep it on display year round as a reminder of what our family is grounded in. I miss Papa, but seeing his Bible thrills my heart, and he always loved Christmas, so it seems appropriate that the Santas are with it for awhile each year.

Thie dining room with ornaments hanging from the chandelier. The table is missing some decorations, because I had cleared the table for a buffet Friday night...
A closeup of the dining room tree... I love the lights shining through the glass ornaments.
The leftovers from making this...
Love making the gingerbread house. Not so much fun cleaning royal icing off every surface of my kitchen. Love eating the leftover candy.

The tree in our family room that holds 21 years of treasured memories. I turn the lights on when I wake up, and turn them off when I go to bed, enjoying every minute I can. Sitting by the fireplace and doing my Bible study with the tree on is one of my favorite things in life.

The most important decoration in our home... the one that shows what we are really celebrating. We add to this collection each year, and the girls love to move the pieces around. I was thrilled to see how they have arranged every figurine and animal to be focused on the sweet, baby Jesus.

Hope that is where your focus is as well, this blessed season.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for stopping by!

Little Bit

My little Cassidy turned nine last month. Despite all the celebrations, I haven't posted about it because I really didn't want to think about it. I mean, we didn't ignore the birthday... oh, no! We had a family party, and she awoke to a room filled by the balloon fairy, and enjoyed having 13 of her closest friends at the barn for a riding party the following Saturday. Mama doesn't ever miss an excuse for a party!

I happily celebrated with her, but as far as dwelling on her age, I have been in denial! Cassidy is my baby, my little angel, and the thought that this is her last birthday in the single digits tears at my heart. With every year, I have to accept the reality that I am working myself out of a job, and 9 is halfway to college, to this mommy's way of thinking. But time marches on, and I have slowly accepted this milestone birthday (ok, work with me here, they are honestly ALL milestones to me- I have issues, I know!) and want to record some of my thoughts about our little Cassidoodle.

Rather than ramble on, worrying about sentence structure (ahem), I want to list some of my favorite things and memories about this girl... this child who has grown so much this past year. Wow. Being 8 was big.

1. My first memory of her is of the midwife handing this writhing, screeching little bundle of energy into my arms, and holding her tight, trying to believe that this little girl is mine. She was like a coiled bundle of muscles and energy, and reached for me with the longest, most beautiful hands. I will never forget that moment- staring into the bluest eyes, which held the most serious and inquisitive expression as she stared me down. She owned me at that moment, and I knew she would be a force to be reckoned with.

2. As I would rock her for bedtime she would throw that little head back, and with her gummy little smile would giggle and taunt me, until I, too was luaghing. This would make her laugh even harder, and I couldn't resist kissing her under her chin, wiling to do anything to hear that captivating and magical laughter that bubbled forth from her. She kept her eyes locked on mine, and it felt as if she could see straight into my soul. Oh, how I loved those moments!

3. My strong willed little girl, battling it out with me over naptime or quiet time. Ohmy. That's all there is to say about that. I'm thankful we survived that era relatively scar free, and hope flashbacks won't send her into therapy at an early age.

4. My little blond pixie dust, as she shyly tries to hide a smile, holds her tongue in her cheek and peeks under those lashes with a sidelong glance to see ifyou notice. Usually her good humour gets the best of her and her face lights up like sunshine, with the smile she can no longer hide. Her smiles are truly a burst of joy straight from the hand of God, as she conquers her fear and allows her joy to shine forth.

5.I am so proud of this little thing, who has faced so much at such a young age. She developed severe eczema (and allergies) at 8 months of age, and until she was seven would awaken most days with her legs and sheets covered in blood, from the incessant scratching in the night. She endured painful ointments several times daily, and took 3-4 oral medications twice a day. She endured questions and stares from strangers as they noticed her precious tender skin, marked with painful wounds and scars. For a shy child it was literally torturous. She couldn't look people on the eye, couldn't even lift her eyes from the ground. But praise God, trusting God for her healing, we prayed and refused to give into the fear and frustration that threatened, many times, to overwhelm us. She has been off medication and symptom free for 2 years.

6. Cassidy has the best sense of humour of anyone I have ever known. She is funny without even trying to be. She has a dry wit, and sees humour in things beyond her age. I call Nana at least once, daily, to report the "Cassidy-ism" of the day. Now when we laugh she sighs, "Are you calling Nana?!"

7. Cassidy loves passionately and feels deeply. Her hugs are rarer than I would like, and when given are a cherished gift... they aren't given lightly. When she opens herself up to you, she gives all of herself, and loves with everything in her. It is worth the wait to receive her love!

8. I love the notes Little Bit (I called her a little bit of nothin' when she was born because she was so tiny!) leaves on my pillow at the end of the day. Notes telling me she is sorry for misbehaviors, or asking for a special time with me the next day, sometimes tied to a packet of candy from her halloween stash. Oh, I treasure those notes!

9. Cassidoodle has always been such an indepndent child and can occupy herself for hours on end. When home with me while I was working, she would sit and play at the dollhouses in my office endlessly, occassionally stopping by for a snuggle. When she would tire of that she would get out her paper, scissors, tape and staples and create purses and countless other designs. Her diligence and creativity combine to bless her with many gifts.

10. Cassidoodle, I love you! Seeing you grow into the person you were meant to be is a joy, and a gift I am so grateful to God for bestowing on me. Thanks for being my girl!

Can't Wait to See The Blessing

My baby has a hurting heart and there is nothing I can do to fix it. She just found out that her best friend is attending another school next year.

Next year is a bad year to not have your best friend. Next year is middle school. Next year is the time when the kids change classes and have more freedom with their uniform, and a time she was looking forward to sharing with Isabella. Now she knows that won't be the case, and instead of eagerly anticipating the fun times ahead, she can only think about walking alone, missing her giggling companion of the past 4 years.

Cailin is a bubbly, fun-loving girl. As the firstborn she is strongwilled, outspoken, and sure of who she is. She is very much a typical 10 year old, but blessed also with an innocence and naivete towards the more wordly things many other girls are already dwelling on. I have been so grateful for this friendship with a like minded, ornery and age appropriate friend. Whenever they are together there is constant laughter. They don't put on airs and try to act sophisticated, nor do they form cliques and try to exclude. They are a delight to be around, and true blue, stick together, loyal friends. Friends like this are a rare treasure, knowledge Cailin gained at an early age when other "friends" showed their true colors. Isabella was an answer to prayer, and so now, it is heartbreaking to think of them going through middle school separately.

I know that Cailin has lots of other friends and will survive. She will still see Is on the weekends at church, and at their riding lessons and field hockey. Their friendship will continue and grow, of that I am sure. But I understand Cailin's sadness at the loss of the familiar, the expected, the sure thing of having Izzy with her at school. I know the fear of being lonely, of having noone around who really understands you, of seeing other best friends together on the playground and feeling totally, all, alone.

I understand these concerns, and they hurt my heart as well. Yet my job as her Mommy is to guide her and prepare her for many more hurts to follow. So I explained to her that I understand, and I shared my own experience of having a best friend one year younger and having to go to junior high alone, similarly to her. I shared how I met other friends, and yet how Stacy and I , 25 years later, still remain like sisters. It was different, yes, but still good. I also told her that God does nothing that is not for our good, and He promises to work all things (for those who are righteous) for good.

He will bless her abundantly, beyond our wildest imaginings, if we just trust and obey. We will praise Him in all things, knowing He has great things planned for Cailin. So I am believing that this sad, sad news, news that sent my girl crying into my arms, will become a legacy of God's great mercy on her life. A story she can share with her daughter someday, when her heart is breaking, and she feels like there is nothing she can do. She can return to her Rock, and she can trust that as He provided for her, He will be true to provide for the one she loves.

He is the one, true, friend, the One who sticks closer than a brother... and so I pray that he shows Himself on her behalf; uplifting and encouraging and making her way blessed.

Christmas in The Big Woods

8 years ago we decided to "take back" Christmas for our family.


Prior to this year , we would travel 7 hours to our hometown to celebrate with our extended family; but that year,with two children under the age of two, it was a less than appealing proposition. I had spent the previous Christmas season with a newborn and 17 month old needing as much of mommy as possible, and squeezed shopping into late night trips after one was sleeping, and while the other was between feedings. I would race home for the 11:00 nursing, and then collapse, fighting colds and exhaustion, and regretful of the time away from my family, yet truly there was no other option; or so we thought.


My minds' eye held an image of the perfect Christmas, and mommy was at the center of every image... decking the halls, baking homemade treats for the neighbors, selecting the perfect gifts and having them beautifully wrapped and under the tree, and in the midst of this imparting the true meaning of Jesus' birth to my little ones...

Instead my house was a mess, I wasted time searching for gifts for people who were already blessed with all the necessities of life, and neglected to enjoy the gift of time as a family, celebrating this most wondrous time of year. Rusty had just finished football season, and with wrestling season already underway, Christmas was a short reprive for our little family; the only opportunity for us to snuggle in and enjoy one another before late night practices and weekend tournaments separated us again. We dreaded the hours spent in the car, and the endless rounds of gift exchanges. We love our extended family, and wanted to see them, but the rest of the holiday pressure was squeezing the joy out of this season.

I will forever be grateful to my husband for reclaiming Christmas for our family, and insisting that we celebrate as we believed, not as the world told us we should. We found a cabin in the woods, invited my parents to join us, packed the car with gifts and decorations; and we've never looked back!

So as we head off for our 9th "Christmas in the Big Woods" it is with hearts full of gratitude for time to be spent together, remembering that we are God's reason for this season. His love for us spurred Him to sacrifice the Perfect Gift, in exchange for us. What a wonderful God we serve, and celebrate.

Merry Christmas!

I Hit The Wall.

37 will be known as the year that I hit the wall.

For some unknown reason, I am different, and I think I like the new me. I am less likely to fret and stew over things, and more inclined to deal with them directly. I feel less obligation to withhold my true feelings, and am better able to say "no", to those things that require more of me than I have to offer, and enjoy more, those things to which I happily say "yes!".

I don't feel as obligated to be a one man band of entertainment for my daughters, and am less concerned that I am scarring them emotionally for life when they are unhappy with my expectations. I have a better awareness of what my job is as their mother, and what God really desires of me.

I realize more of who I truly am, and what inspires me, each and every day. I am less interested in what friends and acquaintances are doing, and more content to enjoy my home and the plans I have for the family within it.

I am more at peace with myself, and as a result, more at peace with those around me. This, however, is in stark contrast to the upset reigning simultaneously, as I also am inplementing the disciplines I have always wished for. The "new me" is accepting of the fact that others may be upset around me; that is part of life, and not earth shattering as I previously believed. Everyone is upset occassionally, and it is ok, life does go on.

I am willing to attend my husband's work Christmas party with roots, no manicure, and as of today (the party is tomorrow!), no new outfit. This is relevant because he is the principal, and this is the first time his staff will meet me. I am at peace because I accepted that there was no physical way I could make my hair appointment, and I won't waste energy worrying. It will be ok. This is monumental- this is what made me realize something is different about me!

I am able to accept that sometimes I am just tired and want to sit down and watch HGTV, and I allow myself to do that, even when the Christmas decorations are loitering the living room and entry. Perhaps every evening for a week.

I recognize more of my own faults, and fewer of others. I am more eager to repent, and remain in close fellowship with the Holy Spirit, than to grieve Him by holding tighlty to past hurts and resentments.

I am quieter. I am still full of laughter. I am learning to let go of who I thought I would be, and slowly, very slowly, learning to accept that who I am is ok after all.

You say "tomatoe", and Cassidy says...

After a week of enjoying the tree decorated only with lights (meaning: I had been too lazy to actually "decorate"), the girls and I finally tackled adding the actual ornaments one night last week. This part is always one of the highlights of the Christmas season for me, as we reminisce over the history of each unique ornament, one at a time, before placing them on the tree.

We love Christmas around here, dubbing ourselves the "Griswald's", and coming frighteningly close to living up to that name in many ways!
The fire was burning, candles flickering, and Christmas carols playing softly in the background. The girls were agreeably posing for pictures so we could share these memories with Daddy when he arrived home, and I was feeling downright full of the spirit of Christmas.

As Cassidy was placing her favorite angel ornament on the tree, she said in a reverent voice, "And this is my most posses*ed ornament, Mommy. Is that one your most posses*ed?"

Had I not seen the look of impending giggles about to erupt on her sister's face I might have let it go, and laughed with her daddy later. However, I could see Cailin was not going to let this one get past her, so as she snickered and Cassidy said "What?!" (knowing her sister's giggles are usually directed at her) I asked her if she meant "her most prized possession" or did we need to pray that her ornaments be free of demons"?

Puts a whole new spin on the "spirit of Christmas", doesn't it?

Slept like a baby.

Oh.my.word.

Mix a skating party, real coke, and a 10 year old, and what do you get? A child who can't go to sleep until one o'clock in the morning, and a very tired and bitter mother.

Oh my goodness, I can't believe I made the critical error of thinking a little soda wouldn't hurt. I mean, it was a skating party, she was expending incredible amounts of energy breezing past the boys and swinging her blinking, illuminated pacifier as she passed. How much of that caffeinated hype could linger in her system past the drive home, I foolishly asked myself as I allowed her to purchase the coveted drink.

The answer I gave myself was apparently horribly wrong. All the caffeine in that tiny coke cup would course through those veins for the next 4 hours. Four hours of my life that could have been far better spent doing laundry or cleaning, or, oh, I don't know, maybe sleeping! Instead I was reassuring my dramatic and now hyped - up daughter that the 30 mph gusts rattling the wreaths against her windows were not, in fact, ghosts or robbers. Sidenote... between the caffeine, the tacky blinking pacifiers, and the talk of ghosts I am seriously beginning to doubt my mothering skills. I mean it sounds as if I have been swapping parenting tips with Britney Spears, for pete's sake!

Anyway, after much prayer and deep theological discussion about God's protection and the fact that there are no such thing as ghosts, and also, for good measure, a reminder that I was in fact STILL AWAKE and how could anything possibly get past me to her, I conceeded defeat and climbed into her loft bed for a torturous hour of "sleep". When her snores convinced me she was finally out for the count, I staggered back to my own bed where I was happy to note that all our nighttime drama had escaped my husband who was sleeping peacefully, unaware that the dog was perched on his head.

Nana's Words of Wisdom

Cassidy turned nine this week, which I will have to post about after surviving tomorrow's party (hot on the heels of 2 Thanksgiving Day feasts and one family party!).

As she opened her gifts Tuesday, and the family watched, I said, "Gosh Cassidy! You sure got a lot of nice presents this year. Do you think we overdid it?".

Nana, without missing a beat, said in all seriousness, "Oh, no. You can't overdo it!".

From My Heart

I opened a journal from last year, and it fell open to the following prayer...

August 26, 2006

Yesterday was the official "first day of school" and it went great!... Both girls have great teachers with great spirits and I am so thankful to You for the blessing of having our children go to FCS. Father God, I cherish my quiet times with You, sitting on the porch with my sweet tea and the birds chirping, noone moving around the neighborhood. But today as I saw the rocker pulled close to mine, I am missing Cailin's presence!

So many mornings, as I have my quiet time, she is bee-bopping around, calling out ideas or "Hey Mom!", and I say, once again, "Sweet baby, please! Mommy loves to be with you, but this is God's time."

Sweet baby girl was with me all summer, just present, even if she was riding her scooter or her bike, and HOW do I miss her company now! I love those little angels... the mere thought of them brings tears to my eyes.

Lord, I want, I need, I crave the stillness. Please help me to cultivate calm through order. Please help me to cultivate diligence and consistency in loving ways. Please fill our home with the peace that passes understanding. And Lord, please remind me to see and grab onto the opportunities to be with the girls.

Let the rocking chair, pulled up close beside mine by a little girl eager to be with her mommy, be a visual reminder of my blessing in having these children. Let it also be a reminder of how I should be with You- eager to pull my chair up close to You, and just be with You.