Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Sometimes I let my temper get the best of me. I jump to conclusions, break out in a sweat, and blame people (in my mind) for things they may or may not have even done.
In the best scenario I calm down and am never discovered to be a temperamental little brat. Worst case, I open my mouth or text and let accusations fly, feelings be darned and emotions spewing ugliness.
I am always left with a sense of remorse and feeling drained. Anger is not energizing. I realize why I am supposed to give every stray thought to God , and TRUST HIM. However, in the heat of the moment, I most often flail ahead, tripping over my frustration in a clumsy purge of blame , sadness and then messy apology.
How I pray to be more Christ like each day, and to remember the last time I allowed fear- truly always the root of the emotions-to direct my behavior.
Thank God, literally, for grace.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Life is good.
God gave it to us.. He gave His Son, He blessed us before time began.
So no matter what we feel or allow ourselves to think, life is good. Because God is good.
All the time.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

My heart feels like a watermelon tossed from a second story window. Splintered and splashed on the pavement. I ache for it to be restored to that of a firm and glossy green melon, full of hope and beautiful in its pristine form.

I cry out to God in my broken state; eager for His healing touch.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Even though I journal almost daily, sometimes when I hear something from God that hits me so plainly, I have to write it here, where I can get it down faster than writing it out. Today is one of those days, and I can't help but be excited that God wants to help me understand something enough that he says it to me repeatedly, in various voices. When I read a devotion, or hear a message, with the same idea, my heart leaps, because I know He is speaking, and it will bless me to listen and obey. So I want to record it, because in the business of life, it can be easy to forget that he speaks to us, graciously and often... and His wisdom is the only wisdom that has the power to change me.

So here it is: seek Him in the small things, ask Him for discernment and wisdom, and acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your path (Proverbs 3:6). Talk to Him first thing every day, all day, and at the end of the day. Humble yourself and recognize that all good things come from Him. Give Him the glory. Always and often.

Trust Him. Trust Him in the big things, and in the small things. trust Him over my flesh and my feelings, and trust that His ways really are good ways, even when I don't see or feel that. I have often told my girls to be friendly to everyone, but to trust their hearts in real friendship to few. God is reminding me that He is the one, true safe place to trust my heart.

So today I will start my day asking Him to guide m in all things, in every decision. I will remind myself that every good thing I do or receive is because of HIm, not my own efforts. I will strive to keep Him in the forefront of my thoughts, and follow His promptings instead of my feelings.

Amen.


Saturday, March 05, 2016

I get the occasional butterfly in the stomach sensation, rarely, but still, once in a while I get a glimpse of a future of all He has promised, and a stirring up of hope.

He says we are blessed when we come in, and blessed when we go out . He says He will make our latter days better than the former. He says we are destined to prosper and not falter, and that no weapon formed against us will prosper. He says that He is in us, and never leaves nor forsakes us. He says nothing is too great for Him. He says if we ask in prayer, believing, we will receive what we ask for. He says greater is Him Who is in me than him who is in this world. He says He desires mercy and not sacrifice. He says to love Him above all else, and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

What if I believe Him?

Saturday, February 13, 2016

OK, do you ever feel like God is shouting at you? Not in a bad way of anger, but emphatically wanting so very desperately for you to hear Him?

I love those moments, because I know He only wants me to hear Him so he can bless me with solutions, and I can move forward in hope and in the path he wants to guide me on. I love knowing He cares about me enough to make sure I hear Him, He is actually thinking of me!

Sometimes He "shouts" at me the same thing, but over time. A verse repeated here and there one morning, then a few weeks later, same verse from different sources, or repetition of the verse elsewhere in the Bible.

Well, He has recently been leading me very clearly in one direction, and I want to commemorate it here as  testament to His goodness, so I can look back and see where he started with me and what He had in mind.

So it is this... "His mercy and loving kindness". I have been led to read this in so many places recently, and have reminded myself that it is His character and it is unchanging. But then today I was led to Psalm 136... and the phrase "His mercy and loving kindness endure forever" is repeated in every single verse (26) of that Psalm. Every single verse.

Think He is being emphatic? Think he is making a point?

I will not doubt. I will not question. I have His Word reminding me, His mercy and loving kindness never cease, never fail, and are the very essence of Who He is.

I can rest, and I can trust. I got the Message.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

I am growing. I feel God speaking to me, differently though. Typically I hear God in big, bold ways, knowing definitively what He is saying.
Now it is more of a whisper... I think because I have been saying so much, He is showing me how to listen again. For that small, still voice that carries the wisdom of the King.
I have regrets.
I wish I could have a do over at parenting. At being a wife. At being a daughter and friend.
But instead, I believe He is telling me it is ok to start where I am. He is big enough to redeem all my mistakes.
He is bigger than me.
I was never God, and my mis-steps cannot diminish His power in my family's lives.
If I relinquish the reins to Him He can make all things new.
Please, Lord God, forgive my mistakes and let Your supernatural mercies and grace overflow onto my family.