It's All Good

Preparing for tomorrows meeting with a client.

A physical for camp and the dreaded 6th grade shots.

Picking up Cailin's cheerleading uniform and dropping off her 8th grade class requests.

Emptying leftover boxes from our move, 15 months ago.

Purging toys that have remained untouched since being unpacked.

Reminding myself to see the blessing, even in a mundane day.

(View of Jordan Pond in Acadia National Park)

Good Answer

She is hanging with Nana and Papa today while I work.
Daddy just got a call that she is going to Petco with Nana.
He asked her why she was going to Petco.
Her answer?
"Because I can."


Well when you are with Nana
I guess that answer applies to most questions, now doesn't it?
(This picture doesn't really have anything to do with shopping with Nana,
but it's one of the few she allowed us to take with me loving on her, so I had to include it.
This was on our "Old Fashioned, Family Fun Vacation to Maine". We had stopped at
a road side area to picnic in New Hampshire.)

My Sunshine

"You are my sunshine, do you know that?".
I say this to her at least once a day, every day, and it's true.
She's always good for a hug, and always has a ready smile.
We dropped her off at camp yesterday, and I am already counting the days until my next hug.

(Cassidy is also counting the days, since she is not such a hugger,
 and is getting twice her share until her sister comes home!)

Date Night

I am so thankful to parents who love spending time with their granddaughters, and encourage Rusty and I to have date nights.

Mom spent the day watching the girls while I went to Richmond for meetings, and then took them to tumbling, where she is undoubtedly watching through squinted eyes. Cailin is learning to do back hand springs and Nana is not a fan of anything that involves feet leaving the ground. In fact, she already explained to Cailin that she may not ever see her performing with her cheer leading squad this year since she is a "flyer", and that requires Nana to spend extra time in prayer. Therefore, whenever she is performing Cailin shouldn't be surprised to see Nana's eyes closed. Cailin just laughs. She knows her Nana. Nothing surprises her.

After tumbling they are off to Nana and Papa's house for a sleepover, and Daddy and I have the night to ourselves. Some sweet neighbors blessed us with a gift card to a favorite restaurant, and after dinner we are debating a movie or perusing the aisles of Home Depot for items for our upcoming bathroom renovation. (Praise the Lord. No man should have to endure pink fixtures for over a year. Rusty has paid his dues!) I am voting for Home Depot and a Redbox movie at home.

As I plan our evening I'm thinking Rusty is a lucky man, if I say so myself. Between the gift card and $1.00 movie, I am one cheap date... and willing to price potties to boot! I'm pretty lucky, too, though... having an evening to just hang out together is truly priceless.

He Rocks Our World

The girls and I are so thankful for this guy.

He was especially handy on vacation.

He was our back pack wearing super hero and carried our pursess

(and snacks and water!) everywhere. The girls loved it (NOT!) when he and I sang the Dora song "Backpack, backpack" before every excursion.

I love him even when he sees me approaching with another "BE CAREFUL" warning,

 and pushes our daughter off the rock she is standing on,

(which I happened to think was on the edge of the cliff )

He thinks he is sooo funny. I do too, in spite of myself.

I love him because he is game for anything and poses for

silly pictures.

I love the way he is truly present when he is with us, and involved with the girls.

He works hard and has long days,

 but when he is home with us he is a part of whatever we are doing and not distracted.

I love the fact that he has no pride and will pose with his dinner for me.

Better yet, I love that he shared it!

Back To Reality

Two weeks with my family was a dream come true.
Today I am back to work, and even though I am looking forward to hearing from my clients, nothing will replace the pure joy I felt each morning I was off,  knowing that the only people counting on me were my girls and husband.
What a gift that was, and one that has left me feeling changed, somehow.
The peace of  the New England landscape seemed to fill up something in my spirit that I never knew was empty.
The rugged coastline and its roaring silence...there was no sense of urgency or of rushing from one task to another.
For the first time in my life slowing down seemed like a good thing.
I don't want to go back to the way things were, yet I don't know how my days will be different.
I just know this time away and this trip was good, it was a gift from God, and I want this peace to linger.

Hope

I want a do-over.

I want to have patience with Cailin when she can't find the jeans that "don't make her butt look funny"...I want to be calm with Cassidy when she is being disrespectful in her speech to me...I want to wake up early enough to pray before the girls are up so I will have a reserve of grace to draw from...I want to remember that this is only one morning of chaos and not an indictment of my parenting, or representative of every morning to come.

Tomorrow will come, and there will be my chance for a do-over.

Thank You Lord that your mercies are new every morning.

Stages

I love books. I love to read. I love information. So wherever I am in life, I seek out books on the subject and pore over them, calming myself that I am not the only one who has traveled this road, and hopefully finding some answers to make the journey a little easier. Consequently, we have many, many titles on hand for nearly every phase of parenting.

It should come as no surprise, then, that my bookcase is like a mini-scrapbook of my life, reflecting the various stages I have already passed through as well as some on hand for the future. Case in point, "The Girlfriends Guide to Toddlers" shares a shelf with "Your Girl: A Bible Study for Mothers of Teens", "The Mission of Motherhood", and "Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours".

As she looked on a jam packed book shelf for the concordance last night, it was the titles "I Refuse To Raise a Brat" and "Parenting The Fussy Baby and High Need Child" that Cassidy took offense to, however. Sorry to say, we have been there and done that! Moving right along to "Dateable" and "Raising a Spiritually Sound Daughter", ugh, these topics make sleeping through the night look easy!

Cailin

She is beautiful, with a smile that lights up a room.
She awakens with a smile, ready to face the world.
She is easy going, unless you are her sister and you touch her things. Then she is a special kind of crazy.
She loves her friends, her dog, and laughter.
She is completely present when she is with you, and makes you feel  important.
She isn't easily swayed by others opinions, but is very teachable when coached or disciplined.
She has the tenacity of a pit bull and pushes the boundaries constantly.
She has a natural sweetness that balances the pit bull and keeps her mother from insanity.
She loves field hockey, theater, gymnastics, horse back riding, and (recently) doing her hair and makeup.
She is fiercely independent and will try anything. Except tomatoes.
She loves to sing and surprises with a big voice from such a tiny body.
She is always the shortest one in any group. She is ok with that.
She loves her Nana and Papa. Fiercely.
Her hugs are not for the timid.
She loves as she lives, with her whole heart.
She is my baby girl. My rock star. The one who made me a Mommy.
And now she is a teenager and I am crying. Because she lights up my world and I want the days to slow down.

Hair Daze

Only a preteen would set her alarm for 4:30 a.m. to curl her hair.

Her 40 year old mother wishes she hadn't heard the same alarm. A pony tail will work just fine for her, thank you very much!

Working Myself Out of a Job

An acquaintance told me last week that while Rusty's gift to me of a weekend away was fabulous, she herself could never have actually gone.

She explained that she "just couldn't leave her children" , she had never been away from them, and she just wouldn't enjoy herself.

Her insinuation was that she was a more devoted mother, but "good for me for being able to think of my own sanity and get away".

It made me laugh, because even though I missed the girls, I also knew they were as cherished with Daddy as they are with me.

They love their time together as much as I enjoy being recharged by my solitude by the ocean.

More importantly though, my job as a mother is to teach my children how to live without me, to guide them into loving, capable adults
who are able to thrive outside the safe nest of our home.

Do I like my job description? NO!

I have a lump in my throat even typing this.

However, disliking the objective doesn't change it.... my responsibility as their Momma is to prepare them for independent life.

I look at their confidence and ability to make choices on their own,

 and I realize I am succeeding.

I am working myself out of the only job I love.

The New 30?

Rusty surprised me last Friday.

He sent me away, with a precious friend, for a weekend of pampering and relaxation.

He made reservations at a hotel he knew I had been eager to visit.

He gave me an envelope of cash for tipping ... things he always does for me and knew would fluster me.

Another envelope held spending money for a shopping trip on the way to the beach.

He programmed my GPS so I could focus on laughing and not getting lost.

He made sure we would visit the spa, which was an easy sell for both of us.

When we returned he had cleaned the house, even the floors.

Dinner was waiting, and everyone survived. (Except the bird... let's not talk about that.)

40 really is fabulous.

I love this girl. She gets me.

We laughed the entire trip. Well, except for the tunnel under the bay portion. Then we prayed.

Alone at the top of the hotel enjoying my Bible study in solitude. God is so good.

This was my view while I was spending my time with God... 21 stories in the air. Breathtaking.

So another milestone has come and gone, and I survived.

Not only survived, but marked it with an exclamation point, and with a friend who will help me remember it forever.

Too Much To Absorb

Milestones. Big ones and small ones. We seem to be in the midst of a flurry of them.

Such is the life of a momma, one big moment after another, with lots of tiny changes thrown in like sand between the boulders.  The big moments are noted on the calendar, but the smaller ones are captured on my heart.

Unforgettable

Time is flying by. How can it be a month since I have written? Life has happened, I have had thoughts to journal, but why didn't I take the time? Maybe because so much that has happened has been too mundane to record, too painful to dwell on, or too hectic to remember by the time I had a second?

That pretty much sums up life, though doesn't it? We are so consumed with living and dreaming of our goals that we forget the life we live day in and out, boring, hectic or painful, is what it really is all about. Worth remembering regardless of what it includes.

I hope I remember the last month... the rebirth of the trees and grass, the struggle of major decisions for our family, the utter chaos of four sports and only two parents. I hope I will remember the moments I felt God holding me and reassuring me, or those times when I was sure I really got it right as the Mom, and even the times I completely missed it. I pray that the memory of the arms of friends holding me and praying is etched into my heart, to be recalled for strength when darkness comes again.

Most of all I hope I remember that God has never left my side, and promises He never will.

My Window To The World

Dishes stacked high.

Not perfect beauty, but

beautiful to me.

A reminder of dinner filled with laughter

and my family.

A morning of getting the kitchen back in order,

washing dishes, folding laundry... solitude.

This window is where I view much of my world.

As I wash dishes the deer graze, birds flutter by,

and in the summer I have the perfect shot

of Rusty manning the grill

and  making funny faces at me as I supervise.

Above this window hangs a sign saying:

"It's a Wonderful Life"

It sure is.

Text From The School Bus This Morning

From my 12 year old who just left for school 20 minutes ago...

"Hey ,there's a guy with hand cuffs and a mask near the CVS. I think Mr. Beasely (the bus driver) is calling the police."

Niiice.

Glimpses of Home

Home. The place I most love to be.  This is my haven, this is where I belong.  I pray that my girls will look back at the houses they lived in, and find the common denominator to be love and security, even more than the decorations and home improvement projects we are always embracing.

But if there is one material image they will associate with home, I think it will be this chair, my "comfie chair".  It was our first purchase as newlyweds, and  beyond our budget, except for my discount as the in store designer, working at my first job out of college to support us while Rusty finished his degree.  I will never forget how proud we were to special order a piece of furniture. We were so young and innocent, playing grown up it seemed.

This chair and ottoman have moved  to 5 homes in the last 17 years, and no matter where we've lived, it has been my "home spot". Every morning finds me perched here with a soft blanket, my sweet tea, and stacks of Bible study materials, as well as my daily notebook to jot down my to do list for the day and week.

This is where I carried the girls from bed, and cuddled with them- both- every morning until we could no longer all squeeze in together (not so long ago, actually!). It is where they still come, one at a time now, on Saturday mornings and climb beside me as they slowly come to life. They know when they awaken, this is where I will be, and I hope it says "home" to them, just as it does to me.

For more glimpses of home, visit Emily at Chatting at the Sky.

**I have to admit the flip flops with paint on them will also probably shout "home" to them in their memories. They tried to replace them with some lovely new under armour ones, but I just can't give up my oldies yet!**

Ladies, Start Your Engines

This picture has nothing to do with anything

except to remind me of sweet, relaxing days in the sunshine.

I hear the peepers in the yard, which means spring is really going to come. It also means the snakes will come, since peepers are a tasty snake snack, but I am trying really hard to squelch that thought. Squelching is my primary coping skill, much to Rusty's delight, because otherwise

incessantly asking him for reassurance is my second choice.

So I am denying the existence of slithery wildlife in my yard, and trying to focus instead on the joy of the birds chirping, the longer sunny days, the gentle breezes, and lots of quality time in the car.

Yep, in the car, because that is where spring will find me.

Shuttling girls from soccer, to field hockey, to lacrosse, to theater.

We dropped what felt like a small fortune

on new cleats, sticks, balls, shin guards, socks,

and stick bags and I am now planning lots of portable meals,

so we won't spend what is left of our 401K on meals out.

Have mercy- I hope the girls like wraps!

Since tonight is the first practice of the season (lacrosse),

today is my kick off day. I am loading the van with my mom chair

(the new deluxe model I got last year that has a cup holder and a flip up table for my sweet tea- woohoo),

a rubbermaid container with homework essentials

so we can do schoolwork between practices,

blankets, extra snacks, trash bags, and lots of paper towels.

At this stage of parenting I feel like I have regressed to my diaper bag days,

although now it is a Lands End's jumbo canvas bag

stuffed to overflowing with travel necessities and extra jackets.

All this preparation has become a springtime rite of passage, like turning forward the clocks Saturday night, and I am almost as excited as the girls. Running into friends and their moms at Play It Again Sports, we are all in the same stage of readiness, swapping Parks & Rec horror stories, guessing at sizes, and lamenting the chaos about to take over.

But we really don't mind, it is the tween Mom version of sleeping through the night and labor stories. Every phase of parenting provides fodder for commiseration and encouragement, and this stage provides lots of shared time on the sidelines, sharing sunscreen and crazy tales

of minivans filled with fast food wrappers and water bottles.

I frequently smile, as I swoop into a parking lot already filled with minivans and SUV's,

and see the other moms and kids tumbling out, loaded down and rushing to make it to the field on time, thinking how blessed I am to be a member of this Mom club, at every age.

So come on Spring, bring it on!

This is my season to shine and I'm ready to play!

Here Comes The Sun

The sun is shining

and grass is peeking through

after weeks and weeks of snow.

I loved the endless days home with them...
And being trapped in this...
But the sun is shining
and now I'm ready for spring.
Our first winter in our new home
was certainly memorable ,
and I'm hoping the spring will
be just as fun!

Love, love, love, love....

Every time I sit down to write about what I love, I keep hearing that song that is always done in rounds at church camps, "Love, love,love, love... the gospel in one name is Love. Love your brother as your neighbor (or is is it love your neighbor as your brother? That would make more sense, wouldn't it? But I am song lyric challenged. Big time. So who knows?) Anyway, here I sit, thinking of what I love and humming that song, and ready to share the love, so here we go...

20. I love the Christian theater group Cailin is in and the friends she has there. It is such a positive experience for her, and the shows are so impressive. Sometimes I forget what a blessing it is for her to be able to enjoy theater and learn so much in an environment that is also Christian and filled with like minded families. Love it!

21. I love seeing Cassidy try new things and discover her own gifts and talents. I think it is so easy for a little sibling to feel over shadowed, particularly by a sister so close to your own age, and this has been a sticky spot for awhile around our household. So it is particularly thrilling for me to see Cassidy trying her own sports, and doing well at them. I can't believe I, the one who refused to play anything even remotely athletic lest I break a sweat (ugh- what a priss I was!) have a daughter who enjoys riding, gymnastics, field hockey, and now lacrosse. Love it!

22. I love seeing our family grow and continue to be "better". I know that sounds weird, but I really think we are constantly evolving as parents and spouses, and it seems like some days we really "get it". I love being married to a man who is willing to try harder, and he inspires me to strive to improve and make our life the best it can be. I love that even though life is good, we both truly want it to be even better and realize we only have one shot to get this right. I love being able to do this life with him and with the girls. Love it!

Love Day 19

I love our shih tzu Sadie.

I love that she is spunky and energetic, and that if she wants your attention she demands it. I love that she is such a goof ball that she climbs in the dishwasher when the door is warm so she can snuggle there, or laps up the water if it is cool. She's a mess.

 I love that she is always happy to see Rusty, and that if he holds her and I try to hug him she pushes me away with her paws and tries to kiss him herself. I think Rusty loves all the blondes fighting over him- HA!

I really do love my little buddy, pain though she may often be,

she is sweet and comical,

and adds so much to our family.

Still love...

17. I love the day stretching out in front of me, full of potential, available to spend however I choose. It won't take long to fill those hours with work, cleaning the house, running errands and an evening backstage at Cailin's dress rehearsal, but for now it is a clean slate.
I love the anticipation of what this day will hold.

18. Being the Mommy and wife of this family. I love the trivial moments that meld together to create the pattern of our days... kissing their cheeks and noses until they stir in the morning, rubbing a back to coax them some more, and then finally letting Sadie paw at them until they can't hide the grin and admit defeat- they are awake.

I love end of the day snuggling and prayers before I squeeze in some alone time with Daddy. I love those last sleepy conversations and wish I could linger, but morning comes too soon. I love the rituals and knowing that as soon as I leave Cassidy, she will expect Bunny ( aka Daddy) to hop past her door, awaiting an invitation in. I love that they both demand this silly game, even though she is 11, because it is "theirs" and tradition is everything to them both.

Love Day 16

This quote by Mother Theresa, found here:

Start by making your own home a place where happiness and love abound,

through your love for each member of your family

and for your neighbor.

Try to put in the hearts of your children a love for home.

Make them long to be with their families.

So much sin could be avoided if our people really love their homes.

Love Day 15

OK, now I am 9 days behind... and Blogger, once again, won't let me download

pictures. Or is it upload? I always forget, but whatever.

No pictures. So here we go:

5. My sweet shih tzu puppy Sadie.

She is pure energy and love. And kisses.

6. Real friends, and knowing the

difference between them and acquaintances.

7. Homemade chicken pot pie for dinner,

and the joy of cooking for my family each night.

It is a chore, for sure, but I try to remember the blessing it is

to have abundant food and a family to share it with.

8. A husband who is always on my side

and ready to go to bat for me,

sometimes even when I don't need it:-)

9. A furnace that is repaired and a cozy home.

Hopefully a (much!) reduced electric bill

to go along with it.

 10. A Bible study of diverse

women who are quick to pray

and slow to judge.

11. The privilege and responsibility

of raising two godly young women.

I don't know how God ever deemed me worthy of this task,

except that He knows it will all be through His strength,

and not my own.

12. Seeing glimpses of the women

they will be, and being overwhelmed with gratitude

for their hearts.

13. 30+ inches of snow that forced

us to slow down, and left a wonderland of beauty

that I am still enjoying.

14. Confidence in the decisions

we have made for our family,

and peace, even as others question them.

15. What I love most today, at this moment,

is the knowledge that God loves me...

right where I am. He isn't

waiting for me to be perfect, or even trying to be.

He just loves me and accepts me.

What's not to love about that?

Love

Deirdre has such a great idea, to spend the month of February dwelling on things we love, that I just have to join in. Since I am 4 days late to the party, I guess I will have a longer list today, which is fine by me since I seem to love so many things!

(One thing I don't love... blogger and the inability to post pictures consistently. Grrr! Now that is un-lovable!)

1. We love because He first loved us. 1John 4:19

I don't know what it is like to live without the peace of knowing I can go into the presence of God at any time, and be accepted and embraced, and I am so thankful to have been raised in a home that shared that truth with me from an early age.
I pray that my life is an example of that love, and that it is especially evident in my home, with my own precious children. I love the time I get to spend snuggled up with a blanket and my tea, surrounded by my studies and journal and Bible. There is no happier time or place in my day, and I am so thankful for those moments in His Presence.

2. I love the sunrise peeking over the treetops in the morning, even though I'm really not a morning person. It always inspires me to want to wake up earlier... it's just the actual waking up part that is still my struggle!

3. I love seeing my girls after they have been away at school or a friends house... even when they wake up after sleeping in. It is like opening a Christmas present everytime I "get them back", and I look at their sweet faces with new appreciation. It amazes me that they will never grasp the depth of my love for them, at least until they are mothers themselves, and then maybe they will begin to understand.

4. I love knowing that I am married to a man who loves me more than himself, and sacrifices endlessly in an effort to bring joy to my life. He truly exemplifies love and inspires me to try harder.

I love "love". Thanks Deirdre for encouraging me to be thankful for all the love in my life!

Snow Days

So far Snow Day #2 has held:

One doggie fashion show.
A cupcake decorating contest.
Several rounds of Wii band hero.
One Cake Boss episode, tivo'd for a day like today.
American Idol Dallas episode.
Homemade french bread pizzas and carrots for lunch.
3 friends playing in the snow.

Meanwhile I have been at work in my office, getting caught up on paperwork since I can't travel.

Not a bad day.

The Desire of my Heart

One of my favorite verses in the Bible, selfish as it sounds, is the one about God "giving us the desires of our heart". Not because I think He has a magic wand, waving my whims and desires into reality, but because I believe He "gives me" the desires of my heart, as in, plants them in my heart so I will know which dreams to follow to be on His perfect path for my life. I think it also means that when my desires line up with what He desires for me, they come to fruition, and my life is blessed. So I love this verse, this proof that God has my heart on His mind.

I struggle with it though, because my greatest desire, my only real dream, is to be a stay at home mom. Oh, sure, I would also love to home school, flip houses and travel with my family, but the only burning desire I have had for the last 12 years is to be home with my daughters. Admittedly, as a working Mom I am exceedingly blessed, since I work from a home office and have a flexible schedule. When the girls were little I had a sitter who came to my house 3 days a week so they were still in their own home with their own things, and she was with us for 7 years. There is no doubt that God provided and blessed our situation, and I give Him so much praise!

Yet, as good as it is, it still is not the desire of my heart. I have struggled over the years, first faulting my husband for not wanting it as much as I do, then faulting us both for wanting more than his income provided for, then faulting myself for being ungrateful when I was so, so, very blessed already. But the reality is that noone is at fault, the facts are the facts. Rusty was a teacher, and no amount of sacrifice would have provided us with life in our area on his salary. Moving wasn't an option, we felt called to be here, and so I have learned to accept that God is using our situation, and blessing us despite the less than my-ideal circumstances.

I still pray, asking God to allow this change in our life, but truthfully, now that my girls are in school, it doesn't make much difference in their lives. I am home when they are, albeit exhausted from spending 5 hours in a car per day, shuttling to clients over 2 states, skidding back home in time to meet the bus. On the days I'm not back in time Papa greets them, and the time together is a special treat. Everyone is fine, except for me with the hurt in my heart from not being in my favorite place on earth- my home. But I have accepted that this is the life we have lived, and it is such a full and wonderful one that it must have still fallen into the plan God had for us.

My working has allowed Rusty to stay in the field we feel he is called to, and minister to kids as he was by coaches and teachers. He has been able to give back some of what saved him, and make a difference. I am so proud of him, and honored to have been a part of his journey. But sometimes I will read something on a blog, or have a conversation with someone who stays home, and a sharp pain will pierce my heart. The pain of truly not having the desire of my heart, and trying to reconcile that with the heart so full of love for the life I have led instead.

Good Reading

I grew up with my parents reading "Organic Gardening", which, trust me, in the 70's was unique. Most of my friends parents read "Southern Living" and "Redbook", so I found my parents unbelievably weird. However, what they say, is, in fact, true, and I have become my mother and love all things organic and healthful. I also adore beauty and cooking and decorating, so I was thrilled to stumble onto this magazine last summer. I love everything about it, and keep a copy in the car at all times, to have handy for reading at the bus stop / practice / rehearsal/ orthodontist appointments. It is one of those magazines that makes me feel more virtuous for reading, even if I haven't implemented a single thing, I feel better for just knowing:-)

The only good thing about being sick, in my book ,(no pun intended) is the opportunity to relax, guilt free, and read a fictional book from beginning to end with no interruptions. So while the girls and I recovered from strep this weekend, I took full advantage and picked up "The Help", which I had been hearing so much about.

Several friends had recommended it, praising it as a late night page turner, and it didn't disappoint! I loved the story, first of all, because I enjoy any fiction set in the south. This South, however, was far different from any I have ever known, and it was very hard for me to reconcile the aspects which I know are true (racism, maids in every white house, segregation) with life as I have known it. It's hard to believe how different our world is now from the early 60's, and I am so grateful that I didn't live in that time and have to see the blatant unfairness of life for people solely because of the color of their skin. I think this is a book everyone would enjoy, and I am eager for this author's next book (this was her first).

On a completely different note, I am loving this book in my daily quiet time. Oh my goodness, it is chock full of fabulously helpful nuggets on creating a Christian home. There is truly nothing on earth that matters to me more than the little people we are raising in this household, and I seem to have a never ending stack of parenting and marriage books by my bed at all times. This one, however, is at the top of the stack! It is so good, in fact, that I am having it spiral bound (Kinko's $4.50 by the way, and my first stop with every Beth Moore study book) so I can mark it up and refer back to it more easily. Love, love, love it, and think every family should have it to offer encouraging and godly counsel on the foundation of a Christian home.

I love it because it is anecdotal, biblically based, and NOT dry. I'm not a fan of the deep, dry stuff, but adore real life God loving advice, and this is full of it. Another benefit I have found in it, is that I find myself pausing to actually pray specific things for our family as I read it, triggered by the scriptures used throughout. Really good stuff.

So there you have it. A few of the things shaping my world these days. There is a steady hum of rain on the skylight above my head, the perfect day to curl up with another book, if I only didn't have to work today!

I'm Dreaming...

I don't really write resolutions, but I do journal my hopes and goals for the new year (I know- that's what resolutions are, but if I don't call them that then I don't feel so bad if I don't follow through!).



As this years list was getting longer and longer, I realized I may not be "hoping" for success as much as "dreaming". If I (by some 21st century miracle) meet my self imposed challenges by the end of 2010, I will be an absolutely amazing person, albeit probably ostracized by my friends.

Not only will I be thinner, but I also will be a better and more consistent cook, preparing all meals with organic and locally grown whole foods that have never touched plastic, shop only with a list for items that fit our new and religiously adhered to budget, be patient with my children, whom I will be playing more board games and reading aloud to on a regular basis, while we all serve the community on a consistent basis, in the spare time we have left over from our newly recommitted family devotional time.

Since I will also be finishing everything I start, my house will be painted, toys and clothes purged and taken to goodwill, thank you notes current, bathroom and kitchen renovated, scarf completed, and next years Christmas cards actually mailed instead of dreamed of . My pictures will be printed out and scrap booked instead of languishing online year after year, and I will also finally frame current pictures of the girls to replace the toddler ones, no longer appreciated by my pre-teens.

Whew! Just writing this out has made me tired. I think I need a nap. Which is good, since when I am sleeping is clearly the only time these dreams will come true. Oh well, Happy New Year anyway!

We Made It To mIdnight

We have some friends who are so dear to us that "friends" doesn't do justice to our relationship, so instead we refer to one another as our chosen family. Although we aren't related by birth, we certainly are related by our shared faith and love for one another!

We have so many fun memories with the Brammer's, and New Year's Eve is one of our annual traditions, that we look forward to throughout the year. 2009 didn't disappoint, as we laughed our way into the new year amidst noisy, sugared-up children and their equally hyped parents thanks to some red bull energy drinks!).

The Boys

The Kids ages 9, 12, 11, and 6
The Girls, blogging and facebooking each other, side by side.

My Favorite People on Earth

I am so blessed. I can't wait to see what 2010 holds.

Fair Warning

Circled in the Hearthsong Christmas catalog, with this note: "Look out Cailin."



This one will definitely be under the tree. Consider yourself warned, Cailin! (But there may just be two under the tree ...)

Merry Christmas!

Jump In

Daddy filled the ditch with deep piles of leaves, and the girls and Sadie fearlessly dove in. What a metaphor for the way I want to live life... jumping fearlessly in, knowing fun is to be had in the unknown, and knowing my Heavenly Daddy has prepared the way for me and will keep me safe when I jump.

Sisterly "Love"

I spent some time Saturday afternoon sorting through pictures and keepsakes, and found the following message, written to me by Cassidy when she was around 7 or 8:

Dear Mom,

I am very sorry for doing stuff to Cailin on accident. Now I know I need to be a little bitt carefuler around miss senstative one. And I really don't know what I did, I'm just writing this because you told me to write a letter to you.

Love,

Innacent Cassidy

(The mis-spellings are my favorite part. Seriously, does it get any cuter?)

Night Sounds

I love the sounds that tell me I am home. The football commentary from the family room. The stomp - clapping of Cassidy as she walks anywhere, unable to put one foot in front of the other without additional movement. Cailin singing or calling out for her little sister (or even more frequently - ME!). The gentle sound of classical music I leave on throughout the day until one of the girls has enough and shuts it off.

May I never forget the joyful sound of a normal evening... it is a gift I treasure.

Monday Thoughts, Except It Is Tuesday

• Why was I so convinced that September 21st was the 1st day of fall? I still think I am right:-) There's no way I could have been wrong all these years and have just now discovered the fact!
• I am so grateful for the automatic lift up gate of my minivan. How convenient to push a button on my key and have it open from a distance. Driving my other, older non-automatic gate minivan this weekend made me have a whole new appreciation for this feature. Oh how I wish I had it when the girls were little... and my arms were always full and I was afraid to put a child down lest they run straight into traffic or be abducted. (Yes, these were my thoughts every single time we went shopping. I think I need to relax!)
• I'm thinking the above statement says volumes about our household. We have two minivans. I swore I would never own a minivan. Two now reside in our garage, joined by Rusty's 16 year old Jeep wrangler. I don't think anyone covets our cars. That's ok. I wouldn't want to make anyone sin.
• So far in 7th grade Cailin has begun a fantasy book report, created an island with accurate topographical features, learned about castles and medieval times, and is tackling pre-algebra. She is also on the Praise Team and running for Student Government. 7th grade is fun!
• For the first time , 5th graders at our school have lockers and change classes. Cassidy loves it, praise the Lord! Except I just remembered that she told me Friday her lock broke and I need to buy her a new one. Ugh! Will I ever be caught up?
• I began Beth Moore's "Daniel" study last week and am so captivated that I raced through 3 days of homework in one. I am now trying to pace myself on the last two days to postpone being finished and wanting to skip ahead. Wow! This one is a good one, and clearly what God has been preparing me for all summer.
• I really hope to get caught up on my to do list this week. I have been carrying over the same things for so long I should have them permanently engraved as daily tasks.

I better tackle that list, maybe I can cross one thing off today. Happy Fall!

Time Is Of The Essence

Ephesians 5:15 Look carefully then how you work!

Live purposefully and worthily and accurately,

not as the unwise and witless, but as wise.

This is one of those verses that resonates with me every single time I read it. Maybe because I am a classic procrastinator. Maybe because I frequently bemoan time with the girls slipping through my fingers like sand. Maybe because I complain too often about "having" to work.

Whatever the reason, this is clearly a Word God wants me to hear. So today I'm going to post this verse throughout my house as a reminder to be diligent and use every precious minute God has blessed me with. Time truly is a gift, and I can't keep putting off what needs to be done. The girls are only this age once, and instead of being sad at the passage of time, I need to embrace the days and celebrate them wisely. Not witlessly.

Gotta go. There's lots to be done today!

Friday Blessings

It's cool, in the 50's, and there is just enough breeze to flutter the leaves. The threat of rain is making the sky that magical shade of blue that makes me want to stay inside and listen for the first drops to fall. Cailin is finally recovering from the flu, and feels well enough to sit up and draw. I am snuggling into my comfy chair to enjoy a hot cup of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer and start my new Beth Moore study.

What a delicious Friday morning!

Happy 'Ber Day... or is it Brrrrr Day?

We began married life with Rusty still in college and working as a football coach and assistant athletic director, so our life followed the rhythm of his sport seasons. When September 1st rolled around, the chill in the air heralded the official beginning of football season, which for us meant cool Saturday afternoons in the stadium, followed by chili dinners at our tiny apartment. We realized that September also marked our favorite cool "ber" months, "September, October, November, December" and so we decided to commemorate September 1st as "'Ber / Brrr" Day, and celebrate with the first chili dinner of the year.
After 17 years, this has become one of the most anticipated celebrations of our family, whether enjoyed with a large gathering of friends by the fire pit, or just the two of us with toddlers, barely able to feed ourselves for the little mouths clamoring for their own bites. Each year is different, but special in the way it represents our family at that stage of life. So today when Rusty awakened me with a gentle "Happy 'Ber Day" this morning, I felt a little butterfly in my stomach, remembering the fond memories made and anticipating the fun the next few months hold for our family. Guess I better go get out the crock pot!

Rainy Days and Mondays

Listening to the gentle sound of the steadily falling rain, Beethoven playing, and the warm scent of coffee brewing is a recipe for my perfect Monday morning. I am snuggling up under the softest blanket within reach and spending some alone time with God. I need to thank Him for this wonderful start to a new week.

(Missing my girls, and these sweet pictures of them picking blackberries on our back to school fun day makes me miss them even more. We had so much fun at the berry farm though, and now have 2 dozen quarts of freshly frozen blackberries frozen for winter goodness.)

First day

Normal Is Good

Healthy kids. A happy marriage. Parents who love me.A good job with an amazing boss. The ability to worship my God without fear of consequence. Clothes to wear. Food to eat. A car that is reliable (even if filled with fast food wrappers.) Great friends. A puppy who provides unconditional love. Air conditioning on hot days, and heat on cold ones. Money in the bank. A Christian school that shares God's love with my children as well as academics. A bus that picks them up and brings them home. A pantry full of food.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of the "normal" things that aren't normal for so many hurting people in our world. My prayer is that in the daily rush for more or better, I never lose sight of the abundant life I already have.

Back to Reality

No more hanging out in hammocks, swigging soda and rocking in the breeze. Today was orientation day for the girls, and tomorrow the first official day of school. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

So long summer days of leisure. See you next year!

Chincoteague Round 2

Summer has been busily humming by, full of so many sweet moments to treasure. I have learned so clearly over the last 12 months to savor the time we have with our family and not to sweat the small stuff, and have found life to be so much more enjoyable and relaxed as a result. However, if I don't wake up and record these memories I'm sure to forget them all too quickly in the chaos of back to school preparations.

I have teased the girls that all I've done this summer is pack, unpack, launder, and re-pack their matching rolling suitcases. The joke isn't far from the truth! We spent some time in Williamsburg as a family, came home in time to pack the girls up for a week away at camp, returned home, and then set off with Nana and Papa to Chincoteague. We met them for the weekend, and had so much fun we decided we needed a return trip.

Here are some pictures of that second trip after Daddy and I had arrived for the weekend. (The girls, once again, went Wednesday with Nana and Papa, wore them out, and then reinforcements showed up for the weekend. Tag team parenting / grandparenting!)

One of my favorite shots... Papa teaching the girls the intricacies of crabbing, ie... tying the chicken necks on rope to be dropped into the marsh below." Good times", as Cassidy says. Woohoo- a keeper. They have to be 5" across and male to keep. Next time maybe we will have enough time to catch enough to make a meal. This trip was purely recreational and competitive for the sisters.

Trust me, Cailin very quickly caught her 5 incher. She decided it was 5 1/4", of course. Anyone spend much time with pre-teen sisters?

OK, these little carts were the most fun! They were basically moped bikes underneath and Daddy and I had so much fun driving around the island. Cailin was initially quite concerned that I was going too fast and was going to plow right into Daddy and Cassidy, but she settled down just in time for ours to flat out die. Right beside a cemetery. We had tons of fun taking pictures while we waited for Daddy and Cassidy to rescue us. It is always something with this family.... usually something fun:-)

After bicycling out to the pony overlook. Brought back so many fun memories of my own childhood vacations. Also made me glad that at 39 I am comfortable enough in my own skin to not care about being photographed with what is conceivably the worst hair of my life.

So that is the second trip of the summer to Chincoteague Island, and the beginning of a love affair for another generation. I am beyond thrilled that the girls have fallen in love with a place that holds such a special place in my heart.

Happy 12th Birthday Cailin Anne

One month ago my sweet Cailin turned 12. We are now 30 days closer to having a teenager, and for the life of me, I can't figure out how this happened! It seems like just yesterday that I was the one wearing bonne belle lip smackers (Dr. Pepper flavor) and riding my bike back and forth to my best friend Stacy's house. Shouldn't I be the one tying up the phone chatting endlessly about nothing, and not my firstborn, who now texts rather than calls, and sends pictures and messages just as silly as mine, albeit more tech savvy?



How can it be my child who is now consumed with her clothes (and rolls her shorts up twice at the waistband until I pull them down!) and the mirror? The same girl who just last year was still wearing her old tattered preschool jammies ( and yes, they were much too small!), now wants to shop only at Aeropostale. Instead of me complaining that nothing is made to fit petite figures, it is now my girl, crying over the fact that while everyone else can shop in the junior department, she is still stuck in children's sizes, also known as "babies" according to her.


Wow. These days came much sooner than I was prepared for, and I find myself desperate to hold on to "Cailin the child", and not quite ready for "Cailin the pre-teen". I love her so much, and every stage has truly been delightful, but I have entered each one kicking and screaming, and this one is no exception. Even though she is appropriately more concerned with appearance and friends, I'm thankful that she remains pretty grounded and respectful, even still enjoying time with her family.

I wish time would slow down, but since it won't I'm going to enjoy these days, watching the metamorphosis of growth in my firstborn.

And They're Off!

Nana and Papa pulled up at 8:30 a.m., and were greeted by two overjoyed girls bouncing off the front porch with luggage in tow. The girls had decided to wait in the front porch rockers, so they didn't lose valuable time waiting for them to walk up the driveway and ring the bell. Too sweet! Why the rush? Well, this is the first camping trip of the season, actually the inaugural trip for the new 5th wheel camper Nana and Papa just had to have, so their girls could sleep in bunk beds and have their own little cozy space.

Someone once told my parents to enjoy the grandchildren when they are little, because there will be a day when they don't always want to hang with you. Well, they took it to heart and do their best to soak up the lovin' while it lasts. I have no fear of things changing anytime soon... these girls are crazy for their grandparents that once they take off with them we almost have to abduct them to get them home!

Adding to the excitement of this trip, though, is the added bonus of heading to a location the girls have dreamed of since reading "Misty of Chincoteague" a few years ago. Finally, they get to experience the destination I was blessed to visit summer after summer, Chincoteague Island, Virginia. They are so eager to see the wild ponies that roam the island (actually they are on Assateague Island), see the lighthouse, ride their bicycles all over this quaint little fishing village, and go crabbing for the first time.

We are heading over to meet them this weekend, and the memory of driving over the bridge and crossing into town gives me butterflies in my stomach. The last time I visited was on my honeymoon, 17 years ago. I can't wait to see things through the eyes of the girls, and show them all my old favorite places, including where Mommy and Daddy shared the first days of our married life. (Somehow I think they will find this far less interesting than an actual pony sighting!)

Ironic how life really does go full circle. The first time I visited Chincoteage I was 12 years old, and now I am returning, seeing it through the eyes of my own 12 and 10 year old daughters. What joy!

A Few Rocks Loose

Edited to add: My Mom saved the day, as usual! While I was at VBS with Cailin Monday evening, she came by and neatly reassembled my wall. It looks great! My Mom rocks... pun intended:-)

So we moved into our new home two months ago, and it has pretty much rained nonstop ever since. Rusty has been hobbling around in a back brace, unable to bend over, and I have been scrambling just to maintain. Not progress, necessarily, just maintain. We have great plans for our home, and can't wait to turn it into the show place we can envision, but with busy schedules and a recovering husband, we haven't been able to implement them yet. Oh, yes, and we also are waiting for the architectural review committe to approve our "radical" color choices of black shutters and red doors, as opposed to the current faded hunter green.

The house sat empty for 6 months, so there were a lot of maintenance things that required our immediate attention, such as a new water filtration system, exterminator treatment, gutters full of leaves and a lawn that is growing at the speed of light. We inherited a pseudo- retaining "wall" at the front of the property, which never has appealed to me, but seems to have potential in Rusty's eyes. The problem with it, is that it consists of stacked rocks which pitch forward and refuse to stay in place, an ironic dilemma for something supposedly supporting the dirt behind it. Nevertheless, it could be beautiful given much time and attention, and undoubtedly some money for good measure. All things we are currently in short supply of. Basically the wall is on our list, but it hasn't inched its way to the top, just yet.

So today as I sat with my girlfriend Susan, chatting and eating pizza while my fresh from the shower wet hair dries into a frizz, the neighborhood association president stops by to ask me if I (or my children- small girls, by the way!) could pick up the loose rocks in the wall because "people have been complaining about it". You have got to be kidding me. I'm not talking a stone wall that has fallen down into rubble here. I'm talking about a 3 row high stone edging for a flower garden, with rocks kicked loose from the deer who clamber up the incline on a nightly basis. You can barely even notice them. I mean, we don't intend to leave them, but to complain about them?? Seriously??

I took the girls to see what we could do, and the answer is nothing. Those rocks aren't light, and they aren't budging! So I guess we will be forking over some cash this weekend, to repair the wall that I don't even like.

Let's hope they don't peek inside the house. After this weekend's festivites they may see worse than a few loose rocks!

Must Be a Tween Thing

This story cracked Rusty up, and he had to call me from the car to share in his laugh. My disclaimer: we demand respect from the girls, and her comment was truly given in the spirit of fun, and the result of a long standing joke about Daddy singing in front of her friends.....


Saturday Rusty did all the chauffering of the girls for me, and even managed to carpool several of their friends to CYT. On the way to pick the friends up, he asked the girls what song he should sing for them.

Without pause, Cailin replied, "It's called "Keep Your Mouth Shut and Drive". Hmmm... wonder if it has a beat he could dance to?

I'm Back... Sort of...

Computer troubles have plagued me since we moved in a month ago. First, it took us two weeks to have our internet service connected, then I couldn't get on to my blog to update for some unknown reason.

Thought I'd try again today, and woohoo, it let me access my own blog!

It has been a busy month, moving in, getting used to all new routines, and surviving the adjustments involved in moving while your husband is recovering from surgery. Thanks to family and friends, though, we are settling in and loving our new home.

I'l be back soon with updates and pictures... if I can find the cord to uplaod pics from the camera. Ugh!