rain and leaves falling. is there a better combination? i could have soup for dinner every night, were it not for my carnivorous husband. i love fall, and all it brings with it.

today i am headed to wv to measure a space for clients, then catching cassidy's volleyball game on my way back into town. driving in the mountains in the fall is definitely a perk of the job. nothing exciting, but a day of blessings i want to remember. thank you God!

He Is More Than Enough

Looking back at old posts, I am amazed at little details of life I had forgotten. Nuggets that, when read, flooded my mind with memories of that moment in time. Good memories and hard ones, but all part of our family's history. I need that. I need those reminders of the life we are living, and although I journal, I most often write out prayers rather than the details of our life.

And so I want to be more diligent to record our lives here. To make note of each day, because it is a gift. No matter what it holds, it is a treasure from God, and deserves to be celebrated in some small way. Our legacy.

So today, I sit here, wishing for an easy heart instead of one that seems filled with lead, and a spirit that is stretching to reach the surface and gasp fresh air into lungs that feel submerged beneath the weight of the world. For 4 weeks we have been battling near constant and intense pain in Cailin's head, as she suffers from a preventable concussion from cheer. She is unable to do school work or cheer, or just be her happy self. I trust God. I really do. He is her Healer. I know He is the great Restorer. Yet I allow myself to sink beneath waves of doubt and fear, drowning under the weight of what if's and why's. This is not His way. This is not a life abundant. Why do I allow this?

Because it is easier to fret and feel as if I am contributing to her wellness. If I worry and over research I am doing my part, right? I'm helping. When in reality all I am doing is spinning my wheels and neglecting the most important thing. Trusting Him. Relying on Him. Letting Him do His work in her and in our family.

So I remind myself to trust. To let go. To breathe. He is faithful to His Word. He is faithful to my girl. He is.

i love the ease of summer schedules. or lack thereof, really.

my quiet time in the morning is truly quiet, without the hubbub of teens getting ready for school and rusty listening to his news reports.

wake up times are staggered, and often there are extra sleepy faces joining us. 

i love the girls friends, and having sleepovers and movie nights and trips around the neighborhood in the golf cart.

outside it looks deceptively breezy and so i can fool myself from within, that it isn't really stifling and humid.

i love every season, but most of all, i love the one i'm in at the moment.

Dream a Dream

I'm not sure when I gave up, but I did. In the midst of living, I quit dreaming.
Maybe because my dream of staying home with the girls and then homeschooling were not met I forgot to find new dreams.
Maybe when those dreams were not realized I gave up hope.
Maybe they had changed and I was living new dreams without even recognizing them.
Whatever happened to those old dreams, I know God still has great things for me. I just need to discover them.
I have always been a seeker of beauty, but have ceased to look and create.
I am a lover of peace but have forgotten it starts within.
Passionate for Jesus. Desperate for His grace and mercy. But fearful of not finding it.
I wonder if this is just part of life. Re-examining. Evaluating. Trying again.
I hope so.
It is for me.

Summer Lovin

Time with these people fills me up like nothing else. I am so grateful for the memories of laughter and love.

Mother's Day 2013

Cailin Anne has become very interested in painting, 

and this afternoon whipped up these two pieces for Nana and I. 

She knows Nana has always wanted a parrot, Papa does not, 

so she painted one for her to have always.

The beautiful flower is mine for my office.

Isn't she amazing?

The Girls

Snuggling by the fire.

It was the perfect day of breezes and 70 degree temps. Trees blowing in the breeze, a canopy of green overhead. I love spring. Even more, I love being surrounded by my family.

I'm so thankful for these days and this family.

When we choose to be right before righteous, we are doing it wrong.

When I want to make myself cry I look at pictures like this one.
She is weeks from finishing her last quarter of middle school,
and heading to high school in the fall.
Leaving her Christian school to head off to public school in her sister's footsteps,
with Daddy as her principal.

How I adore this sweet little face and miss these days.
I never wished them away, and tried to embrace each moment.
But honestly, Mommying is hard, and there were so many moments that were
busy and tiring and just lived instead of cherished.
As much as I talked of soaking them up,
it truly felt like a bottomless barrel of kisses and giggles
and sweet nose kisses.
I somehow believed she would always want to sit on my lap
and be by my side as I worked, and she crafted.
I was wrong.
How I wish for just one day of do overs with my baby girl.

St Patrick's Day dinner with Nana and Papa.

Shamrock centerpiece and the ever present votive candles.

Irish soda bread Cassidy helped make, and both girls devoured.

Corned beef and cabbage, with steak on the side for the less Irish among us.

A wonderful evening of laughter as we shared youtube vidoes with Nana and Papa.

(Harlem Shake, anyone?)

 Awakening to this was a perfect surprise for the girls.

Especially the one with unfinished homework. Ahem.

Peace and restful woods, a gift straight from God just in the nick of time. 

How He loves us!!



Laughing as a family is my all time favorite thing. Ever. Especially at dinner or bedtime, which are  times that can be a little dicey around here, so humor is always a sign of peace.

This week, as Rusty and I were joking (again) about what might be found written in our journals about the other (my journal real, and his very much referenced but completely fictitious), I warned them that when I was out of town they shouldn't read what I had written about Daddy, as he had been making me flat out crazy all weekend.

Cailin, the child who has lived for our shock value since her feet hit the ground, quipped, "Well, you definitely don't want to read mine, then! It is bad!".  (Since she is freely walking the streets without any tattoos or body piercings, and no boyfriends named Spike have shown up, I"m thinking it isn't all that bad and refused to take the bait and panic).

Cassidy, without missing a beat and with a straight face responded, "Oh it is! I read it.".

Oh my gosh! Once again she absolutely leveled her Daddy and I. We could not stop laughing. And then promptly read her sister's journal after she went to sleep.  (Which is totally not true. We don't read journals, but if I were ever going to it would be in front of her so I could taunt her as I read it!)

Feeling the flames of life today. My heart feels scorched, but I'm reminded that though the flames  may threaten me, they will not overwhelm me. I am surrounded by the One Who is willing to take on the fires of my life, and, just like the fire ring on our terrace, contain them so they cannot destroy me. I may feel the heat, but He will not let me be destroyed.

Instead He allows me to draw warmth from the embers of trial, as I observe Him intercede on my behalf. Instead of being devastated by trouble, I am enchanted by the beauty of my Father fighting for me (Exodus 14:14) and comforted by the heat fending off the cold of doubt and fear.

Though we may face difficulties in this life, they pale in comparison to the awesome wonder of our God fighting for us and loving us. He gave His Son, withholding nothing in His desire to rescue us. There can be no greater peace than relinquishing my cares to the One Who cares for me enough to sacrifice Himself for His greatest treasure- His children.

So today, as the flicker of aggravation and difficulty threaten to fan into flames of discouragement and frustration, I will stand firm in the knowledge that He has gone before me to prepare my path. I need not worry or doubt, but instead trust Him in gratitude and allow His Spirit to carry me.

I have spent enough on scrapbook supplies to fund a small army. Paper, every variety of binder system on the market, and sticker upon sticker. Yet the majority of photos remain in boxes, sorted by age at best, or, worse yet, on the computer. So last night the girls and I sat down with a couple of boxes of pictures from their first few years to take a stroll down memory lane. 

As is typical in our family, Cailin and I snuggled in the same chair, oohing and aahing over the memories together, while Cassidy sat in her personal space bubble beside us, poring independently over her own box of images. (Frequently calling out the size of Cailin's sweet toddler cheeks. We didn't call her buddha for nothing.) All at once I noticed Cassidy flipping faster through a stack of pictures, and as she did, she was silently laughing harder and harder, finally crying from laughing so hard.

As she handed the group to me, she said one thing that I could understand... "My first locket".

As I sorted through them, I immediately understood why. Every picture is missing a face or two, in a perfectly formed heart shape.  I guess I should count my blessings that she was cutting our faces into hearts and not gouging out the eyes with her scissors after being grounded one time too many. There's that at least. Love that girl! She keeps it fun around here, that's for sure.

Found pictures you didn't even remember taking are the best ones. A happy surprise on a Monday morning as I cleaned off a memory card Rusty left on my desk.

Nothing posed or fancy. Crazy color from the lighting in the elevator. But it's my people, together, laughing.

It makes me happy.

Give. Serve. Rest. Eucharisteo.

These are the words rolling in my mind these days. I don't know where they are leading, but I know Who is.

He has something for me, and I want to hear.

I love that He always speaks, if I wait and listen.

There's nothing like that smile to melt our hearts. Especially after so many years of shyness, to see her whole personality shine thrills our hearts. I'm especially thankful for this sweet smile when she is in the midst of a three girl pile up, as they all called the ball at the exact same time, and landed in a heap.

I love that she sees the humour and keeps it in perspective.

 Ready for the serve, they have different funny hand holds they do. I'm so glad shes having the experience of team sports, unlike her Momma who really doesn't enjoy sweating.  I had no idea how she would love volleyball, and be surprisingly (to me) good at it. Even better than her powerful serve, though, is the grace she shows when mistakes are made, both her own and others. Consistently smiling and encouraging her team mates, she has made us so proud.

 Cheerleaders in the dunk tank. Quite the fund raiser!

 I love these girls. Good friends make all the difference, and this one is a special blessing to my girl.

I'm Sorry Your Sunday School teacher Sat On You

Added to the list of things I never thought I would say as a parent...

"I'm sorry your Sunday school teacher sat on you!".

New teacher. New style of discipline for sophomores including telling them "they are not ladies, they are sophomores", "I am loud and so much fun, all my previous classes love me", and my favorite, sitting on them if they are talking in class.

And we wonder why our teens disconnect. As Cailin said, very succinctly. "Instead of telling us how much fun she is and trying to make us like her, why doesn't she try to just be likable?".

It isn't that hard. Kids just want a safe place to be heard, and to be encouraged. Being a teen is soooo hard. Why can't adults get that? Love them. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Don't praise the pastor's daughter, who wears modest skirts, but accesorizes with a critical eye towards others. Praise the girl who notices a lonely newcomer. Or the one who boldly shares her fears and humbles herself as imperfect.

Love them. LOVE THEM!!!

That Girl

image from google


To say that Cassidy is not a fan of math, is putting it mildly.

In fact we've had quite a few screaming matches gentle discussions  over it through the years. So at Back to School Night, when her teacher shared reasons the students liked or disliked math, there was no doubt which side my Cassidy would land on.

Mrs. Copeland encouraged the kids to voice their opinions, so she would know their perspective and how to best help them.  She shared a few of them, from the 80 plus students. Not surprisingly Cassidy's were mentioned on two lists, and I identified her without any clues from the teacher. Just knowing my girl.

Why I dislike math?

"I am more of a spelling person!"

Who do you go to for math help when you have a question?

"My sister, because my parents are terrible at math!"


Not true. I mean, she does ask her sister for help, but just because we make her crazy, and she refuses to believe I know what I'm talking about. That girl!

Friday Night Lights

Cailin's first game as a varsity cheerleader for football.

 My favorite part of every game is seeing the guys run through the banner.

So much anticipation.

 I love that we get to spend our Friday nights as a family.

Rusty has to be there since it's his school, and because he loves football

and wouldn't miss a game!

I love the excitement in the air, the hint of fall air, and I especially love the food!

Barbecue, hot dogs... things I only eat at games.

This game was at a tiny school. So small, in fact, that we were sitting on the baseball

outfield! The two fields were that close!

Cassidy spent the evening doing back  flips, mostly avoiding the red clay dust.

Mostly.

They wanted to watch tv alone, with out Mommy. (Cailin did let me snuggle with her eventually, much to Cassidy's dismay.)

They wanted to do one another's nails.

Giggles abounded.

When Cassidy was crushed with the devastating news that we weren't going to allow her to go to London woth her best friend next summer (Hello! London is far. And expensive. Did I mention far?) she wanted only Cailin to comfort her.

Long days of school and practices have made these two miss one another. I can't praise God enough.

Oh, how I love them, even when I am the odd man out.

First Days of School 2012

8th Grader

Last Year of middle school.

Be still my heart.

10th Grader- Sophomore

Really?

Carrying her cup for making coffee in daddy's office keurig as soon as they arrive.

So apparently, my emphatic no didn't keep the girls from going back to school.

Off they went, happily, at least.

Me? Not so much.

Oh well, it will be a great year, I just miss having my sweet girls at home all day.