Looking back at old posts, I am amazed at little details of life I had forgotten. Nuggets that, when read, flooded my mind with memories of that moment in time. Good memories and hard ones, but all part of our family's history. I need that. I need those reminders of the life we are living, and although I journal, I most often write out prayers rather than the details of our life.
And so I want to be more diligent to record our lives here. To make note of each day, because it is a gift. No matter what it holds, it is a treasure from God, and deserves to be celebrated in some small way. Our legacy.
So today, I sit here, wishing for an easy heart instead of one that seems filled with lead, and a spirit that is stretching to reach the surface and gasp fresh air into lungs that feel submerged beneath the weight of the world. For 4 weeks we have been battling near constant and intense pain in Cailin's head, as she suffers from a preventable concussion from cheer. She is unable to do school work or cheer, or just be her happy self. I trust God. I really do. He is her Healer. I know He is the great Restorer. Yet I allow myself to sink beneath waves of doubt and fear, drowning under the weight of what if's and why's. This is not His way. This is not a life abundant. Why do I allow this?
Because it is easier to fret and feel as if I am contributing to her wellness. If I worry and over research I am doing my part, right? I'm helping. When in reality all I am doing is spinning my wheels and neglecting the most important thing. Trusting Him. Relying on Him. Letting Him do His work in her and in our family.
So I remind myself to trust. To let go. To breathe. He is faithful to His Word. He is faithful to my girl. He is.