Sunday Letters

I always enjoy the letters Deirdre writes her girls each Sunday, summarizing the week, and have decided to join her in this new series. The days fly by in a blur, so I am hoping this will be a good reminder of what filled those days, or at least what I was thinking as they passed me by.







Dear Cailin,

I am so proud of you as you have really worked hard this week to be responsible in your schoolwork. You have faced some challenges at youth group and praise team, and I'm sorry for the pain it has caused you, but I'm so grateful that you will share your heart with me.

We had so much fun last weekend at Great Wolf celebrating your birthday, and hearing you say it was your favorite birthday ever made it all worthwhile to me. I love you and I love your friends, and I want to be better about giving you opportunity to spend time with them.

I love you so much Doodles, and pray this week is full of the joy you bring to the world.

Love, Mommy


Dear Cassidy,

You really tried to be more cheerful in the mornings this week, and I appreciate your effort... you get your dis-like of mornings from me, so I understand the struggle. However, your bickering with your sister nearly made me want to snatch myself bald.  Have mercy! I am hoping this week involves us getting out the door without me screeching and then lecturing all the way to the bus stop.

I loved seeing you spend time with a new school friend and hearing your giggles; girls are so fun!

I love you Little Bit. I can't wait to see what this week brings.

Love,

Mommy


Dear Rusty,

Thanks for working with me.

I feel like we are becoming a better team, and I'm so thankful for everything  you do. You really are Superman.

I love you,
Me

As I have written this the girls have gotten into a dispute over clothes and I am ready to go back to bed and hide. Ugh! Maybe tomorrow morning will be peaceful?

Peace Comes Down

Unexpectedly, snow is falling again.
The weathermen didn't predict it, so I almost didn't believe my eyes.
I guess God doesn't need their forecasts to do His bidding.
I am so thankful for this cozy and peaceful start to the day.

Snow

This time yesterday we were thankful to be home; having driven treacherous roads home from Cailin's voice lesson, in the the snow that had started suddenly and furiously.
The chili had been simmering in the crockpot all afternoon, and Rusty built a roaring fire once he finished filling up the snow blower, preparing it for early morning duty.
We ate by the fire, watching a movie and napping, then let the girls have a sister sleepover in Cassidy's room.
Rusty was so sweet to blow up the air mattress so they each had their own space, and pulled the extra electric blanket out so Cailin was toasty on the blown up bed.
Sadie nestled in with her, and we were out for the night.
An evening that had been scheduled for a late night at school for Daddy and youth group for the girls and I turned into a lazy night together at home.
I love snowy evenings and the peace they insist on bringing.

Girls Are Fun

We celebrated Cailin's 13th birthday, by going to Great Wolf Lodge, with her sister and best friends this weekend.
Her birthday was last May. Timely, hm?
Actually, it only happened as the result of my resolution to be more intentional this year.
Life slips away if we don't plan, if we don't "just do it".
So we did, and it was a blast!
More for the girls than me, honestly, because who likes being awakened at 2 a.m. by a cell phone ringing (Cassidy rolled over on it and it started playing some ridiculous ring tone. I wasn't the nicest at the moment, but in the morning it was pretty funny.), and a bathing suit in February is cruel if you aren't 13.
Despite the lack of sleep and humiliation of my tankini, I really enjoyed the time anyway.
I loved listening to the whispers and giggles, and observing the dynamics of 12 and 13 year old girls.
I was grateful for a husband who gave me an envelope of cash and didn't complain, despite the fact that January is the TIGHTEST financial month we have.
I was blessed to spend hours of  mostly uninterrupted time poolside, reading a book on fasting and , when my brain was overloaded, the latest Southern Living.
I even learned to let teenagers be teenagers and stop harping at them about their cocoa puffs battle, one that netted me a few chocolate puffs of my own.
The girls enjoyed some alone time in the teen hangout and arcade, and I got plenty of exercise hiking from our room to those same locations so I could surreptitiously peek in and see for myself that they were safe.
Most importantly, they enjoyed the gift of time together. And lots of junk food.

The Girls

Back In The Saddle

Operating on not enough sleep, I feel like our first morning back in routine was better than expected.
Two girls to school, on time, check.
One dog walked, check.
Dishwasher emptied and reloaded, check.
Beds made, check.

Now to tackle the to do list that I have been ignoring for 2 weeks.

Happy Monday!

Overly Ambitious?

I love, love, love a new year and the anticipation of what is to come.
A brand new planner, a clean home after the Christmas decorations have been put away, and the hope of cozy days inside inspire me to create not only resolutions, but a hefty "to do" list as well.
So here's what I am aiming for this year:

• More reading of books and less of blogs.
• Being intentional about my time and efforts.
• Eliminating excess, from stuff to obligations to relationships.
• Adding scripture memorization to my daily Bible study.
• Seeking opportunities to reach out to others.
• Blessing my daughters with more responsibility around the house.
• Organizing photos and videos.
• Playing more games as a family.
• Painting, purging, and creating window treatments.

Oh, I guess I should add lose weight, be more active, and drink more water. Because those are a given, right?

Better Than Good

It's funny. When I try to be objective and detail some hard things that happened in 2010, I can't. I just can't do it.
Not because 2010 didn't hold its share of disappointments, misunderstandings, and really hard moments, but because even in the less than stellar hours, I truly feel blessed to live each new day.
I know I am a glass half full kind of girl, but it isn't because I am in denial.
Rather, it is because I know that my God has good things planned for me, and the hard times? Those are bumps in the road; they don't define where I am going or who I am, they are just that, bumps that try to knock me off course, but can't succeed if I keep my eyes focused on the One Who guides me.
I admit, there are moments when I allow my focus to be on those obstacles, and I pout and question, sometimes even having a full blown pity party for me or my family.
But then, I think of all the blessings that God has lavished on me, and I realize those difficulties are minuscule in the shadow of the One Who created the world. His hand is still not waxed short, He still sits on His throne, watching and leading.
So my hope for 2011 is that I would choose to trust Him even more, and that my moments of doubt and fear would vanish in a cloud of faith.
Happy New Year!

So this is Christmas

i have been silent with not much to say but lots on my mind.
i have tried to be intentional this season and keep the focus on Jesus.
it has been so much more peaceful yet i still struggled with overdoing the shopping.
baby steps.
maybe next year we can tone even that aspect down.
it is hard to find a happy medium but i am determined.
we leave tomorrow for a week in the cabin, tucked in the woods with nothing to do except enjoy one another.
i have a lot to do today before we are ready to go.
Merry Christmas.

home sweet home

i was gone all week on business. this is the first time I have ever gone overnight, so i am thankful for that.
i don't plan on doing it again.
turns out I am a homebody.
it was almost worth it for the huge hugs Cassidy gave me when i returned.
she is rather stingy with her hugs typically, so this was clearly a treat born of absence.
hotels, even nice ones with down comforters and soft towels, are very lonely.
cookies in the lobby by the fireplace every evening helped.
as did facebooking with my 13 year old at home in her cozy bedroom.
i corrected her on something she wrote (privately) and told her i was always watching her. haha. loved that!
she still wrote back that she loved me. she is a good girl like that.
my baby turned 12 last weekend and i still haven't been able to write about it, but i will.
i love her so much and want her to stay small.
she does too, which stole my heart!
the dog won't leave my side, i guess she missed me too.
it is so, so good to be home. to have a home. to have a family.
God has burdened my heart for orphans recently. i'm not sure what this is leading to, but i want to obey.
i wish everyone had a home and family.
it's good to be back.

Questioning

i seem to be questioning everything lately.
not my beliefs, but how they are lived out, and represented in the choices and associations we make.
maybe this is the result of making a radical (for our family) change.
maybe it is that, because of our obedience to make that change, God has taken off our blinders and blessed us with deeper insight in other areas.

i don't know why, but i do know where.

in youth group when cailin shares the lesson and something in it resonates a warning in my soul.
in a group of christian girls who quote scripture yet blatantly travel as an exclusive clique.
in manipulative statements written on facebook.
in the lessons taught our youth leaning heavily on do's and don'ts, and less on why.
in lives so full of normal there is little time for extraordinary.

i am questioning... knowing the answers will come.

i don't know when, but i do know from Where.

Tuesday Thoughts

• Waking up with the same migraine that sent you early to bed last night will inspire a very unique dog walking outfit. Bra optional being the scariest part of the get up.
• Home made soup in the fridge, to quickly warm up, makes almost anything better!
• I am married to the most generous and selfless person I know.
• I don't like it when my girls are sick, but I do love taking care of them.
• Penguin cool mist humidifiers from Target are fun. 
• I think I have decided to wrap all our Christmas presents in brown kraft paper this year.
• Today is my Mom's birthday. I love her so much, even though we are very different. The fact that she always celebrated my uniqueness from her, instead of feeling offended, is one of her best mothering qualities, and one I try to share in my own parenting.  She really is amazing... flexible, fun, and way cooler than I am or ever was.
• Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, after nearly 2 years. I think I am a slow adaptor, maybe.
• My baby turns 12 Saturday. It doesn't seem possible.
• We have officially begun playing Christmas music.

It is going to be a great day, just because it is a gift to be alive.

Not Counting Shopping Days

I planned to do this study last year, "Preparing My Heart for Advent" by Ann Marie Stewart , in an attempt to return my thoughts to the real meaning of Christmas, and not just the mile long shopping list I faced. Unfortunately, busy-ness won, and so I shelved it in anticipation of studying it this year.

So I am excited to begin, this morning, to prepare my heart for Advent... to think on things other than shopping and decorating, and pray that this season will truly be one which I remember for more than the gifts under the tree.

His

I was just thinking.

They really are His.

As Christians, we all say that, believing it, since He said it.

But today, I felt it.

Really felt that they are Someone else's,

and I am just taking care of them for a while.

Am I speaking to them in the way that He would desire?

Are the decisions I'm making for them according to His will?

Is what I am doing pleasing to Him?

But then, I felt the gratitude of knowing,

 in a wave of comfort and peace,

that He is always steering me in the right direction.

That He chose me to be their Mom.

That He will give me everything I need.

He is.

Not only am I their Mommy, but still His child as well.

He has us covered, all of us.

Cook's Country

I love this magazine!

They test standby recipes (as well as local specialties) and perfect them,

making them delicious and also easy and fast to prepare.

Apparently there is also a show on PBS,

which I haven't seen.

But I will be looking for it.

Especially since it is filmed on this farm, in this house. 

Is this not a dream home, or what?

Apparently this farm still has a few cows and a dairy barn.

Not too many years ago, when it was a 200 acre working farm,

they used to drive the cattle down the main street from the pasture

to the barn for milking.

Doesn't that sound enchanting?

Of course in today's world we would all be so impatient to get

where we were going, that the inconvenience

 of waiting for the cow parade to pass

would be intolerable.

I miss those slower days.

Trivial Pursuits

Cailin ate her breakfast at the kitchen counter while Cassidy primped her hair in the bathroom mirror.

We had 10 minutes until I needed to start barking out orders and rushing everyone to the bus, so it was the perfect time to steal away to my office for a few minutes of facebook and blogging.

After a few minutes I felt convicted that these free moments are precious and few, and would be better spent with the girls instead of on the computer, so I immediately popped up the stairs to the kitchen.

As I topped the stairs and could see Cailin's stool, it was bare. She wasn't there any more, she had wandered off in my absence.

The image of the dimmed kitchen, empty now, hit me with an almost physical force. She was gone, and I had missed her.

For the moment she was just down the hall, but too soon, she will be in a dorm or a home of her own, with Cassidy soon to follow, and my kitchen will be empty every day.

I know that God chose to use this morning to speak to me, to remind me of what is truly important, and where my time is to be spent.

The days are fleeting, and as endless as some of them seem, that is an illusion. I want to make better choices, I want to be present, I don't want to miss those moments that may be no more than filling a milk glass, because no matter how trivial, they are with the ones I love.

There is nothing trivial about that.

The Good Life

I'm not really a fan of the morning.

Actually, I love mornings once I am awake,

it's just the waking up part

that I struggle with.

So this morning, when Rusty's alarm went off at 5:20

it was very out of character for me to hop out of bed

and get started with the day.

I popped a load of laundry in the dryer ,

(at 10:00 last night I realized Cailin's PE uniform needed to be washed)

put the tea kettle on to boil

 so the girls could have their hot cocoa and tea,

and then started folding the towels that had been blocking

the door to the laundry room for a few days.

Or maybe for a week.

I opened the blinds, made the bed,

and then enjoyed a leisurely time of prayer and journaling.

Mundane or not, as I bustle around the kitchen,

prepping a roast for the crock pot and sorting out the pantry,

I feel so blessed that I get to be the one doing this for my family.

 Cooking, cleaning, and washing out PE uniforms aren't glamorous,

but knowing I will always have things taken care of for the girls,

and that home is here ready for their return,

is a reassurance that is priceless. 

I think glamour must be over - rated, anyway.

I love 13

Only a 13 year old would talk on her cell phone while jumping on the trampoline.

I love this age.

The Really Bad Before

When we looked at this house over a year ago, we fell in love with the neighborhood and the woods surrounding us. The high ceilings and beautiful trim work captivated Rusty,  and even though we recognized that a lot of the house wasn't our style, we weren't scared of the challenge.

We love renovating and putting our stamp on our home, and with my ideas and Rusty's effort, we're a great team. (Yes, he insists that a paintbrush fits my hand, too, but let's not test that theory, 'kay?)

As we toured the main level I saw changes I would want to make, but nothing that prepared me for what I would want to do when I saw the  master bath...

Yes, that is an extremely narrow door, and no, we aren't abnormally narrow people!

However, that is probably a good thing because we certainly never wanted to go through that door to the moldy interior, blech! You can't see the "best" part, which is the black and pink flowered powder room, which really sets off the mauve toilet and tub. I told Rusty it takes a real man to use a pink potty!

Everywhere we looked there were different, albeit consistently ugly, finishes that led me to nick name the bathroom the "train wreck".

But we agreed that we could do ugly for a while, and boy did it qualify, so we have been living with the pink and gray, and schlepping  our toiletries down the hall to the girls bathroom for showers while we saved and dreamed. Hallelujah, the time has come and Momma is gonna get a new bathtub! We are a few weeks into our reno, and I am beginning to have hope that I may shower without looking like a college coed one day soon.

Nothing, But It Was Good

Tonight was filled with nothing. I got home late and found Papa and the girls relaxing in the basement, with Cassidy making paper beads and Cailin sniffling through the cold she has been fighting since Saturday.

After a 2 1/2 hour drive home, which fell on the heels of a 3 hour meeting, which had been preceded by a 2 1/2 hour drive there, I was a tad bit lazy sleepy, and ever so grateful for the white chicken chili in the crockpot. I kissed the girls, heard some stories about bus and boys drama (one and the same... life lesson 12,001... when one boy tells another boy that you like him, boy #1 really likes you and is testing the waters), and crashed for a few minutes to read email and blogs.

Cailin joined me while I cleaned the kitchen and shared more about her day and her school work, or lack of it, which is an entirely other post. Cassidy had expanded her paper bead jewelry making to head bands and came upstairs to snatch a few old ones for her efforts, and Cailin and I snuggled on the sofa. I didn't enjoy seeing her under the weather, but took full advantage of the cuddles resulting.

A load of towels in the washer, supplements doled out (and then again when Cailin tried to pass hers off to her sister),  cough medicine given and Vick's salve rubbed in, and we were off to bed. Prayers, giggles, hugs and kisses, a few more sniffles from Cailin and an extra kiss from Cassidy, and the night is done.

An evening filled with absolutely nothing, and yet one that filled my heart.