Memories

Last weekend Cailin had her best little buddy, Isabella, sleep over.

Saturday morning I let them use the griddle to make their own breakfast, and they spent a great deal of time, heads together, bent low over their pancakes, customizing their shapes with cookie cutters. After awhile, Cailin said, "Mommy, these are the times I want to remember, when Izzy and I are teenagers and adults. Us together just making pancakes."

Me, too, sweet girl. Me, too.

Try-antulas

Cassidy was playing a computer game, and as I sat watching her hop from branch to branch (she was a monkey in the game!) she had to dodge a deadly spider.

"Oooh!", I would squeal as she barely hopped past one after another, so afraid her little monkey woud run out of lives. She giggled hysterically at my screams as she told me she was "really good at missing the try-antulas".

Oh my word. The things she says just absolutely crack me up. From now on we will all refer to those hairy black spiders as "try-antulas".

I haven't posted in almost a month, although I have definitely been reading other blogs! I have been working on government year end orders, and have either been on the road meeting with clients, or chained to my desk e-mailing back and forth between designers and clients and manufacturers. Periodically I click over to one of my favorite blogs, one that is very "homey" and domestic, and just rest in the words of a momma raising her little ones. The links from her commenters lead me on a little trail of sweetness, so I read a few, then hop back to my aol account, and return to my reality of constant messaging.

I have missed posting, but I am thankful that I am able to restore the nurturing side of my soul through the words of others. And I remind myself that in just a few short weeks my life should return to a more respectable pace, and I can capture words from my own life, here again.

Back to School


The silence is deafening. There are no t.v.'s or laptops with webkinz droning in the background. Noone is asking for a popsicle, or if they can go next door to play. I miss the sound of muffled giggles and snippets of music as the doors open and close. No nail polish is being spilled, and no dog is being carried around like a baby.

Noone needs lunch, or a sisterly dispute settled, or even a hug or cuddle as they float through the room. The kitchen has remained clean for 7 hours and I have worked uninterrupted, guilt-free. I've remained at my desk, without checking the window every few minutes to monitor the bicycle gang patrolling our cul de sac. No scooters are crashed on the lawn, and I haven't made a single koolaid icee in days.

The beach towels are folded in the closet and I find uniforms, instead of bathing suits, tossed on the floor beside the hamper. The new calendar is posted on the fridge, and forms awaiting my signature pile up on the counter.

Is it 3:00 yet?

She loves me, she loves me not...

Last night, after a lengthy, heartfelt prayer, Cailin and I were snuggling , when she spoke up.

"Sometimes I think you love me more."

"More than what, sweetie?" (Assuming this was sibling comparison, and that because of my passionate prayer for her she was feeling a little more favored than her little sis.)

"Sometimes I just think you love me more than I love you."

Today I was reminded of our annual visit to see the cherry blossoms in D.C. It is always breathtakingly beautiful and the perfect setting for photo ops. This, of course, means that nothing ever works out for the perfect picture to occur. Be it rain or bad hair days, we have never been able to capture the amazing shot of the girls among the blossoms that is my hope.

This year I gave up before we even left, seeing as how the girls have reached the age where they feel entitled to choose their own clothing. And it no longer consists of precious matching gymboree outfits with bows in their hair and coordinated tights. No, now they prefer clothes that say things, like "I love horses!". Which is a nice sentiment and all, but not exactly the image I want to capture of my beautiful angels amidst the pastel blossoms.

So anyway, I wasn't even hoping for a Christmas card quality photo this year. I just wanted a great. family.outing.

The girls are usually gung ho for anything we do; I feel blessed that they are so much more agreeable that I was at their age. So it was a little odd for Cailin to ask if she could stay with a friend instead of going with us. Gasp! After assuring her that there was absolutely no way she could miss out on this fun family day, and allowing her to play her gameboy on the trip in, we forgot that she didn't want to be with us, and started off on our happy. family.outing.

She quickly reminded us that she was bored, her feet hurt, her stomach hurt, she "just wanted to go home", and horror of horrors, refused to smile for the pictures. That was the straw that broke the camels back. You can complain and have a bad attitude, but by golly you better not mess with mama's pictures. Even if you are wearing t-shirts and jeans; we must capture this moment for posterity. So her daddy took her aside and explained to her that talking is a privilege. If you choose to abuse it by speaking complaints and negativity, then you lose that privilege. The rest of us would not have our day ruined by her complaints, so she had to walk in total silence for the afternoon.

(My favorite part of the entire day was when she tried to tap Nana on the shoulder to point something out to her, and Daddy snapped, "And NO poking either!". That just cracked me up! It has become a family joke to now say, "And no poking, either, anytime things have gotten too serious.)

Surprisingly, the day turned around for all of us. We were able to walk around the Tidal Basin and enjoy the beautiful trees, and Cailin took the opportunity to adjust her attitude to one a little more pleasant to be around. This effort resulted in Daddy buying her favorite candy roasted almonds from the street vendor, and a good time was had by all!

I am writing this because I want to remember, when I look back, that in raising the girls sometimes we had to do the hard things. It wasn't easy to insist on silence for 2 hours. It hurt my heart to silence my chatty Cathy, but you know what? We don't live in a vacuum and our actions affect those around us. Cailin learned a great lesson that day, about how your attitude hurts not just yourself, but others as well. It isn't healthy to allow the opinion of one to shape the day for the group. So that is why we must do the hard things, because that is the job description of parenting, and that is why I choose to record this day's events.

I am so proud of my girls and their (normally) joyful hearts. They bring sunshine into the room when they enter, and my hope is for that to be their destiny. To bring joy and life into the world, instead of the gloom and selfishness that seems to be so pervasive in society.

I think we are off to a pretty good start.

Love Bug!

Yesterday Cassidy was such a little cuddle bug, which made my day! While we sat in the cool air conditioned car watching Cailin at her riding lesson, she climbed onto my lap for a chat.
"Mommy," she said, holding my face in her hands so she could look sincerely into my eyes, "I have something I want to tell you, and I mean it from the very top of my heart!".

"Or," she continued, "do I mean bottom?".

"No, baby girl," I assured her, "I prefer your way! It is a new Cassidy-ism!".

I love that girl!

The Most Wonderful Time of Year

August 1st is celebrated in our household by Rusty singing "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" while reading his college football forecast magazines, and surfing the sports channels for interviews and shots of the players in their first practice of the season. " Yes, he took an early "retirement" from coaching, but his heart will always yearn for the practice field on the first legal day to suit up.
I can't help but share some of his excitement... we started dating 21 years ago this month, and spent our first dates cheering on his beloved Big Reds, and then celebrating the win at Pizza Place (and they always won - even when playing my own high school!). It was a hard autumn for him, his first not playing for his beloved team, as a recent graduate, still figuring his way in the real world. This time of year always takes me back to being a 16 year old with a cute boyfriend and a letterman jacket to throw around my shoulders as we walked to the car, kicking the fallen leaves and celebrating life.
Later, I would find myself in the bleachers of a small mountain college, cheering for my hero despite the fact that the team lost every game, every season. OK, maybe not every game, but close enough for most of my memories to be tainted with his disappointment. Finally, after a shoulder surgery and then a knee, his playing days were officially over. But I still had many years in the bleachers ahead of me, first as the girlfriend, and later as the wife of the coach.
He was a gifted coach, with a love for the sport, and a God given gift at being able to spot talent and shape it into something bigger than it should have been. He loved the kids, and could get them to perform at levels higher than they believed they could. He molded their hearts and character, and taught them to never give up, the success was in the effort, not necessarily the win.
My babies were given showers by teams and parents, and our nanny was the parent of a wrestler, who wanted to give love back to the family of the man who had cared for her son when he was lonely and floundering. When we were in the hospital after delivery his students brought balloons and sat on the floor, beaming with pride at the "team baby". As I entered the stadium or gymnasium (depending on fall or winter, football or wrestling season) I never pushed a stroller or carried a diaper bag, because our "family" was always there to help me; pitching in for my husband, who was preoccupied helping their children. The greatest feeling though, was that no matter what was going on, every time I enetered Rusty would look up and wink, acknowledging that we were there and he was glad. We were loved and loved our life.

Gradually though, Rusty's love for the game was being overshadowed by his desire to provide more time and financial resources for his girls, and so a new course of life was determined. He would go to grad school and become a principal. Leaving coaching was probably the hardest thing he ever did; he gave up his personal dream for the greater dream of being a father to his own precious children. Instead of raising other people's children he opted for the ones under his own roof. I am glad and so thankful... most men wouldn't make that choice, and we are grateful for his love. So when football season rolls around, I don't mind him spending a few extra hours watching the games or eagerly looking for Sports Center. His sports career gave us a wonderful start to this life we share, and I have to agree that in many ways, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year!

Happy Days

It is one of those rare, dream summer days. Temperatures in the 70s with balmy breezes and no humidity. It's a shame we aren't going anywhere-it could be a great hair day! The girls both were at friends for sleepovers so I awoke to a leisurely morning of Bible study on the front porch, while Rusty got in a 3 mile run (I just remind myself that I am strengthening my heart spiritually while his is improved aerobically!)

Then I was able to head out alone for a stroll through the farmer's market where I loaded up on fresh green beans, potatos, tomatos, squash, and some organic grass fed beef... it sounded so wholesome I couldn't resist. Oh, and corn on the cob and a fresh rosemary plant for the deck. I can only hope the scent will linger in the car- heavenly!

While I was out Cailin and Daddy rode their bikes through the neighborhood and covered 5 miles... love that daddy and daughter time. He really is the most amazing father. Now the girls are helping daddy start another building project on the deck while I start dinner and put fresh sheets on the beds.

A simple day, but filled to the rim with joy.

That Girl!

We have recently been exposed to a whole new level of high quality entertainment in the television viewing arena. It is called Ice Truckers. This is a series about the men who risk their lives every winter hauling freight across a frozen river to a diamond plant in northern Canada. I think. It could be the north pole, I don't really pay a lot of attention, but the girls do.

This isn't something they are ordinarily allowed to watch, but they stayed up with Daddy one night to watch, and seemed quite captivated by the big men and the big trucks, and well, the ice, of course! So it has been a treat this summer to catch a few minutes of this charmer before bedtime. Cassidy, very astutely, noticed that "When the truckdrivers talk you don't hear a lot of their words!". You miss much of their expressions because most of their conversations are edited, and their more "colorful" language is bleeped out. When the girls asked us we just explained that it was to bleep out "bad words", thankful that they are imagining big, burly men in parkas and with frozen eyebrows muttering bu*t or stupid while navigating the frozen tundra.

Today I was out of town for work, and called home to check on the girls, who were celebrating having Nana all to themselves. She put the phone on speaker phone so we could all talk at once, but while we were chatting several calls beeped me on my cell phone. Cassidy heard them and asked Nana, "Is Mommy saying bad words?!".

It always amuses me to hear "my talk" back from the girls.

Just now I went into my room to apologize to the girls for being delayed with some work stuff. I originally told them I would need 10 minutes to prepare a quote for a client ,and then would be there to help them with their new friendship bracelet kits. Unfortunately, my boss called with a bit of a problem that is taking some time to handle. When I went to tell them I was sorry for not being there yet Cassidy said, as she showed me her nearly finished bracelet, "It's ok, I'm occupied."

It's funny... you don't always realize what you are saying to them until they say it back to you. Obviously keeping onesself occupied is a high priority with me!

Cailin's 10th Birthday Luau

Everyone agrees that this is the favorite party we have done. We had so much fun we want to have another luau for adults and kids later this summer! The party started with Cailin presenting the girls with leis and grass skirts and teaching them a simple hula. They moved to the front yard for a fun water game of "Tidal Wave" where 2 teams raced to empty their bucket full of water into another using only a sponge. They were hilarious in their skirts trying to race back and forth. Then they played beach ball volleyball, which got a little competitive, so we headed back to the deck for some more dancing and dinner. They also made pillows, did the limbo, smashed the pinata, and danced the night away. Along the way they also opened birthday gifts (playing "hot potato" with a coconut, and whoever had the coconut had their turn sitting by Cailin while she opened their gift) and ate a yummy ice cream birthday cake. The neighbors were wonderful to allow so much noise so late in the evening, but finally around 10:00 we brought the girls inside to watch Freaky Friday and go to sleep- yeah right!

It was a great party, and the girls were all a delight! Truly sweet girls who were well behaved and a joy to have in our home. Cailin is blessed with great friends! Happy Birthday Honey- hope you enjoyed your party!

The pinata. The girls were serious about whacking her with the bamboo, and she split on the 4th hit. We had a couple of softball players- they don't mess around!

Some of the yummy food. The girls absolutely loved the fresh coconut and pineapple, and begged for cocnut milk. Who knew!? OK, I admit... pepperoni pizza wasn't very authentic, so I kept it out of the shot.

The pergola with decorations. Yes, understatement is our trademark. Ahem. (The picture doesn't do it justice, but Rusty went a little crazy with things hanging off the pergola... I told him there is a fine line between fabulous and tacky, and he definitely crossed that line and kept going! Oh well... she loved it and that is what matters:-) )

(No idea why the picture is so small. It is amazing that I am posting pictures of anything. Amazing!)

Coconut cups with the girls' names on them in Hawaiian. The girls loved learning their names, and used them throughout the party. This is from the morning after; cups all washed and neatly lined up by super- daddy. I love that man! He cleans up after the party, and then prepares chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs for 12 little girls the morning after.

I love this picture with my Cassidoodle because she usually isn't a fan of having her picture taken. Isn't she beautiful! (Spoken like a proud Mama or what!)

The birthday girl making her flip flop pillow. These were a huge hit with the girls and a precious keepsake. Way better than I even hoped... when we opened the box up from the store Cailin even said, "Wow, Mom! These are cool! Not cheesy at all!". Can you tell we have had some not so great experiences with crafts from this particular company?

The goodie bags... filled with fondant decorated sugar cookies in the shape of bikinis, flip flops, swimsuits and sunglasses; hawaiian jewelry, luau themed magic washcloths, fruit shaped candy, hibiscus print emery boards, and the leis and grass skirts the girls wore at the party.

Daddy ~ at the girls' service! He mixed up delicious strawberry smoothies, served up in their coconut cups . The girls loved it, and so did Daddy (now known as Mr. Lukei - Rusty in Hawaiian!).

Luau! I am just trying to figuree out how to add pictures- hope this works!

Heard Around Home This Week

From Cailin as I told the girls how awesome it was that we were receiving so many congratulatory calls about Daddy's new job. I explained that everyone was so happy for daddy, and so proud! Cailin said from the backseat, without even looking up from her tamagatchi, " And maybe some of them are just glad to get him out of their hair!".

From Cassidy the day after Teddy (the hamster) was found dead in his cage. "And let's not tell them about the tragedy yesterday." (Of course the cutest part was her little hand cupped around her mouth as she delivered this message.)

Cassidy singing, at bedtime... "I like big butt and I will not lie. It's a truth that I can't deny!".
"Oh my. We don't use that word, and where on earth did you hear that song!?"
"Cailin. (big sister aagh!)
Into Cailin's room where Daddy was tucking her in. "Um, hello Cailin. Where did you hear this song!? "
She giggled , "Shark Tales"!

Have mercy!!

I love the way Cassidy's little mind works. She is always thinking. Always practical. Always inquisitive. Her insightfulness and curiosity can be problematic for her, as they cause her to be more aware of herself than many 8 year olds (certainly her sister at that age!) are. She needs reassurance before attempting anything new, although, ironically, seems to excel at everything she tries!

Today was her first day of FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) sports camp. She was eager to participate while still on the "high" of a successful first soccer season, but by the time we shelled out the fee, she had changed her mind. Oh no, here we go again! So bedtime last night consisted of me holding her while she worked through her concerns... what if she was the only one wearing shin guards ...
("Take them off", I said.
What if I take too long taking them off?")

"What if she hated it. Why did we spend all this money on things she never wanted to do in the first place?". On and on she went, until I had addressed each of her concerns one by one, and then she snuggled up against me quietly to sleep.

I spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning, and praying that all would be well today. I prayed that she would see God's hand in her life, comforting her and allowing her to conquer the fear that satan tries to trick her with. She went to camp today, which took a lot of effort on her part. After meeting her huddle, she was ready for me to leave. So after a quick wave, I left her there, entrusting her to her Heavenly Father. I know she is in good hands.

Dear Lord, please let this be a victory in Cassidy's life. I love her precious little mind. Let it dwell on You and Your goodness and mercies. Let her always remember that You are active in her life, that You care. And thank You Lord, that her sister is happy to go everywhere. Thank you for their differences.

Gizmo


I feel like I have a newborn. A hairy, snorting, roaming all over the bed 15 pound newborn. Shi tzus were originally bred to sit on the laps of royalty, looking pretty, and doing little else. Well Gizmo makes the breed proud, for this is exactly how she likes to spend her every waking dozing moment. Since we aren't residents of emperial China, however, she makes do with snoozing her days away on the dirty laundry in my closet.

This is all well and good, except that at night, she is rested up from all that sleeping, and spends her nights wandering all over our bed, looking for a spot to rival those smelly socks she loves so! Since I am a worrier, I spend most of my nights making sure she doesn't fall off the edge, or alternatively pushing her off my head. I mean, I love the dog, but sleeping on my pillow while snorting and licking her chops is too much even for me!

Last night I scooped her up and plopped her back in the laundry pile, thinking she loves it so much during the day, she would be thrilled to be reunited with her cozy bed, but oh, no, she beat me back to the bed. Grrr! Finally, in desperation, around midnight I plopped her on my daughter's bunkbed and barred the ladder with an overstuffed horse (I guess my fear of her falling had been replaced with desperation for sleep!) to prevent her from leaping to follow me, and finally sank to sleep in my own bed.

I told my husband she really is like a newborn with her days and nights mixed up, and that we need to make sure she stays awake during the day. He just stared at me, amazed, I think, at what his life has become. Amazed in a happily surprised way, I'm sure!

A Mommy Memory

As I was cleaning out some junk important papers from the school year, I came upon Cassidy's bus name tag, unused since the driver grasped their names sometime back in September. I placed it as a definite for the "keep pile", because it triggers one of the sweetest memories of my little Cassidoodle, and I love those reminders of their innocence.

This year is the first year the girls are on different campuses of the same school, and as such, have different drop off times. Since I am only one woman, the solution was to force, kicking and screaming allow Cassidy to ride the shuttle bus from the upper campus to her own each morning. Since there are various buses , they each had a name tag to help the teachers identify which line to put them in, and they were labeled with identification such as "Lee Hill" for the bus to that community or "shuttle" for the little bus that just runs back and forth between campuses.

Well, after Cassidy survived the terror of her first day as a bus rider, she was a little proud to sport her little name tag, and even mentioned her driver "Mrs. Shuttle". "What is her name?" I asked, surprised at the coincidence of a driver of a shuttle bus, having the name "shuttle".
"Shuttle" she said, and showed me her little tag. Oh my goodness, the sweet innocence with which she said it. I didn't laugh at the moment, but I did call Nana to ask how long I should allow her to address the driver as Mrs. Shuttle before I corrected her. I love that sweet girl!

I am Little Miss Happy Pants!

I just had to laugh, re-reading my post from this morning. I sound so chipper, and pollyanna-ish, that it reminded me of one of my favorite in - law stories.

A few Christmases ago, while visiting with Rusty's family (on our once a year 3 hour visits. We're close as you can tell.), his older sister was telling us about a PTA mom from her son's school who frequently calls "Big Sis" on her cell phone. Big Sis was upset because this other mom calls her frequently, and uses up her cell phone minutes on silly chit chat, so she said she just doesn't answer anymore and looks the other way when passing her house.

Well, it didn't stop there, oh no siree! Big Sis went on to elaborate about this mother, describing her cute little outfits, and the way she is so super involved in her children's lives, and then, the biggeee... she described how PTA Mommy loves to surprise her husband by mowing the lawn for him, and even told Big sis that she uses it as her prayer time- just rides the lawnmower around the yard praying and singing praise songs to the Lord.

Well I had been charmed by the description of this sweet, godly woman, and thought she sounded delightful. I tend to be a pretty involved Mom and am a little on the perky side. Top that off with my love of driving and worshiping God all alone in my Mommy mobile and I was really identifying with this little mama. Thinking, mistakenly, that Big Sis was being complimentary in her description of this woman, I started to say "My gosh, that sounds just like me!". I didn't get the chance though, as Big Sis rounded out the tale with the closing line, "I just hate that little Miss Happy Pants! She is so darn happy all the time!". Well then! Imagine the audacity of actually being happy! Glad I didn't mention our similarities!

I laugh in retrospect still, at the mental picture of the smile sliding off my face as I realized that, Lord have mercy, I AM little Miss Happy Pants, and my sister in law would hate me if she knew me. Oh my! Rusty thought it was one of the funniest moments ever, and reminded me that it is exactly why he loves me! And that is why, among my dearest friends, I am Little Miss Happy Pants"!

Summer Is Here!

Cailin's hair has streaks of blonde running through it, and the pool bag is riding shotgun in the minivan... looks like it is officially time for fun in the sun!

This time of year always surprises me with its beauty and ability to fill my heart with sparks of happiness. Awakening early and hearing the birds chirp makes me feel like Snow White. I mean literally, my heart feels like it is singing with the joy that is God's creation! I love to sit on the deck with my tea and my bag of Bible studies, letting God lead me to the study my heart needs that day. I feel closer to Him, and in turn the rest of my day is better. I am better able to handle the rough spots, because I have had those first minutes of the day in solitude with the Lord. Oh, how I wish every day was summer!

James 4:4

You {are like} unfaithful wives {having illicit love affairs with the world and breaking your marriage vow to God!} Do you not know that being the world's friend is being God's enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God.

I have read this verse before; it is a commonly quoted one in the church, I think. Yet, today, this verse, in this version (Amplified- my favorite, by the way!) it spoke to me sharply.

If asked, I would say I am not a "friend of the world", but rather a child of God. I love the Lord, I seek His counsel on nearly everything and love Him passionately. But do I occassionally flirt with the world when I join in a conversation criticizing another mom at school? Am I not having a love affair with the world when I choose "Desperate Housewives" over the telecast of my favorite preacher? (AGAIN!) When I go along with my Christian friends in a gossip fest instead of gently reminding us of God's opinion of gossip , do I not step outside the bounds of my marriage vow to God? What could it be called other than unfaithfulness to God's glorious commands to us when I lash out in anger at my husband or children?

I do not want to be an enemy of God. Enemy is a strong word, but it is His and I better take heed! I do not want to be separated from Him because I lack discipline. Once again I have allowed myself to become self righteous and view myself as "above" this particular verse because I don't just go along with the crowd. I make most choices independently and am ok standing alone. God reminded me today, though, that even if I am alone, but making poor choices, I still am a friend of the world , and need to ask Him to help me rise above it. Instead of delegating this passage to the peer pressure pile, I need to apply it to my own choices and my personal daily walk with Him.

Father God, please let me seek your friendship above all else... worldy approval, personal goals, and selfish pleasure. The joy of obeying Your Word far outweighs the fleeting pleasure of selfishness. Thank You for being so good and righteous and giving us Your Word and Holy Spirit to encourage us.