Am I?

Sweet little cheeks with hair tossed back over the pillowcase, their gentle profiles in sleep draw me in. I kiss their cheeks, their foreheads, and smooth their silky hair. They slumber on, peacefully unaware of my presence, as my heart stretches, and then cracks at the realization that they are indeed growing up too quickly for this mama.

I have loved them desperately since the moment I knew of their very existence, with a fierce and protective passion. As newborns they enchanted me, toddlers they delighted me, preschoolers they challenged me, and as we are firmly entrenched in the school age years, they captivate me with their independence, tempered with need. Seeing them grow into the people God wants them to be is exciting while it is also somewhat terrifying. Am I equipped to lead them in the paths of righteousness? Am I really prepared to train them up in the way that they should go, so that when they are old they will not depart from it? Am I speaking God's Word as we come in and as we go out?

These are my goals, as I look down on their precious sleeping faces, to guide them in the ways of the Lord and be the mother God designed me to be. These are the guiding forces that shape my days and thoughts. Sometimes, I confess, I let worry about my inadequacies plague me, and I doubt my ability to do this job well. Yet when I am still and listening, I hear God saying to me, "I AM. So you don't have to be. I AM sufficient. You don't have to be. Trust and rely on me, and lean not on your own understanding."

Thank You God, that You have my little family firmly under control ~ as long as I relinquish that control to You and allow Your wonderful ways to be done!