Friday, August 27, 2010
Joy Comes In The Morning
Today when I awakened, I felt it. That first sparkling glimmer of hope breaking through the bleak despair that has held my hand these past weeks. A sense of "me" struggling, as if swimming through deep water, trying to break the surface and reach the luminous light at the top. Yet I realize it isn't me who is breaking free, it is the Holy Spirit in me, acting as lifeguard, carrying me to safety while I rest easily in His arms, passively watching to see where He is taking me.
I know now that it will be ok, this new place I am journeying to. It will be better than ok because He orchestrated it, He planned it, and He has been so eager to show me this new place. The wailing and gnashing of my teeth as I fought Him on this voyage didn't alter the course or make Him doubt his plan, rather it saddened Him that I was missing out on the great things He was taking me to. He wanted me to celebrate, and instead I chose to doubt and wonder, making comparison instead of looking with expectancy .
I asked Him to make me different. I asked Him to show me the best for my family, to draw us to Him and to seek Him desperately. And then I thought He misunderstood. His directions were not what I asked for, this must be a test. If I passed, He would set us back on the better course, the one which makes sense to me. But then, He spoke, and finally, I listened. The quote that has been on my sidebar for over a year, has been waiting patiently for the day I would read it with an open spirit, and know I had received my answer.
"When you and I desire God's best for us, but become annoyed when He steps in to change the course of our lives, we rebel against the very thing we prayed for." Priscilla Shirer