Tuesday, January 16, 2007

OK... I am going to try to post a second time... only 5 months after the first! Noone knows I have this blog, but if anyone who knows me ever read it they would NOT be surprised at my sporadic approach.

As I spent my quiet time with God this morning, crying out to "let me sense Him, to draw me near to Him", He led me to some writings that truly ministered to me in my struggles. Over the last year God has slowly but surely been separating me unto Him. He has been gracious in this process, and slowly pulled the bandaid of comfort off, when He so easily could have just yanked it with one mighty pull! But as I have gradually seen the loss of comfortable friendships and been forced to draw tightly to Him, I have also struggled with cooperating. I mean, I have been aware of what He has been doing, and yet I haven't done that which is required- spend more time with Him. Instead I have pulled away, as if daring Him to come get me and show me what He had for me.

This is not typical for me, to pull back. I crave intimacy with my Heavenly Father, and seek His presence like the air required to breathe. So what has this been? Is this what rebellion is? To know that God is my one true source and still refuse His counsel? Well I don't want to continue down this path. I want and need my Heavenly Father to be my guide, my source, my comforter and confidante. My God is a big God- He can handle my worries and insecurities and fears.

And so, this morning, as I read again about the 12 spies who were sent to check out the land of Canaan, I choose to be like Joshua and Caleb. I choose to believe God's Word over the appearance of insurmountable circumstances. I choose to believe that what God has promised will be. I choose to believe that God loves me and is looking out for me- it is ok for me to rest, knowing that the issues of this world are well taken care of by my God. I choose to believe... again.

Jeremiah 1:12 For I am alert and active, watching over my Word to perform it.


Krista said...

Ok--I just read your comment on my blog and I was coming here to tell you to email me kratley@sbcglobal.net, I got help from someone else and I am still learning--your blogsite is so cute--we can give advice to each other--but all of this being said, I just read your post--Man how much alike we are is kind of scarey to me! I have those same thoughts and this is why my blogsite was set up. I am so hungry for that relationship with God and I have been searching for ways to get that,Reading the Bible is so difficult for me because I just cant grasp the words. I am trying to work through devotionals and other insight from others that are close to God. Thanks for commenting.

Amanda said...

I feel like we are kindred spirits. I understand so much of what you are saying. I am right there with you regarding friendships. Last year was tough but God has been faithful in helping me see the truth and understand that he has an incredible plan for my life.

You inspire me! KEEP WRITING!!! Please!

Borbe Bunch said...

Was stopping by and wanted to say HI. I love your heart and honesty in your post. I can relate, I think we all can, it can be so hard to know that we NEED to drink from the waters of God's Word, and yet turn away and then wonder why we are so unrestful...God is FULL of Grace and Mercy and ready to let us come to HIM any time...I am sooo thankful for that, His complete faithfulness and goodness to me!!! Thank you for writing, it spoke to me and encouraged me to READ HIS WORD and learn from HIM!!
A sister in Christ,