OK... I am going to try to post a second time... only 5 months after the first! Noone knows I have this blog, but if anyone who knows me ever read it they would NOT be surprised at my sporadic approach.
As I spent my quiet time with God this morning, crying out to "let me sense Him, to draw me near to Him", He led me to some writings that truly ministered to me in my struggles. Over the last year God has slowly but surely been separating me unto Him. He has been gracious in this process, and slowly pulled the bandaid of comfort off, when He so easily could have just yanked it with one mighty pull! But as I have gradually seen the loss of comfortable friendships and been forced to draw tightly to Him, I have also struggled with cooperating. I mean, I have been aware of what He has been doing, and yet I haven't done that which is required- spend more time with Him. Instead I have pulled away, as if daring Him to come get me and show me what He had for me.
This is not typical for me, to pull back. I crave intimacy with my Heavenly Father, and seek His presence like the air required to breathe. So what has this been? Is this what rebellion is? To know that God is my one true source and still refuse His counsel? Well I don't want to continue down this path. I want and need my Heavenly Father to be my guide, my source, my comforter and confidante. My God is a big God- He can handle my worries and insecurities and fears.
And so, this morning, as I read again about the 12 spies who were sent to check out the land of Canaan, I choose to be like Joshua and Caleb. I choose to believe God's Word over the appearance of insurmountable circumstances. I choose to believe that what God has promised will be. I choose to believe that God loves me and is looking out for me- it is ok for me to rest, knowing that the issues of this world are well taken care of by my God. I choose to believe... again.
Jeremiah 1:12 For I am alert and active, watching over my Word to perform it.