It has been a quiet year for me, with not much to say.
After struggling with the decision of where to send the girls to school last fall, I felt drained, and spent most of the year trying to acclimate to a whole new world, awakening most mornings still questioning our choice. The girls jumped in to this new environment feet first, diving and splashing in the ocean of freedom and new friendships, while I waded along the shoreline, tentatively dipping my toes, but yearning for the safer pond we left behind.
New friendships were happily forged, and mornings were simpler as the girls eagerly got ready for the day. Evenings were spent relaxing instead of focused on hours of homework, and things were truly more peaceful, in so many ways.
Yet my heart still aches for the presence of God in their midst, cries out for Godly teaching and children from similar families. I know the platitudes, "as long as there are tests, prayer will always be in schools" and "God is always with our children, even in public schools", and of course I know He never, never leaves them. He certainly made the way for the ease of transition and the friends who welcomed them, I know His hand was on them every step of the way.
Yet I can't help but question if this was best. I know it was fine, and in many ways great, but was it best? As a parent I desperately crave giving the girls God's best for their lives. Was this really it? Did we hear Him? Has this year given them anything for their future faith? How has it shaped who they will be?
I still have more questions than answers. That's the hard part of parenting, we don't truly see the confirmed success of our task until they are adults, so it is easy to question and veer off our course along the way, but I trust that God has things under control. Even if we missed His plan, He uses all things for good.
So I continue to be quiet, and listen.