Endings Bring Beginnings

Last Walk Home From the Bus Together

Yesterday was the last day of school for the year. Typically a day I celebrate, because I love having my girls home, and the lazy days of summer together.

But this ending was bittersweet because it meant the end of middle school, another chapter ending, and goodbyes to be said.

The girls both came home with tear streaked faces. Cailin saddened as she prepares to leave her new friends to attend high school with her Daddy, instead of the school around the corner with her friends.

Cassidy broken hearted to learn that her best friend would be moving an hour away before they return for 7th grade.

Yet even as we grieve these losses, I have hope, knowing God is preparing the next step for them.

These changes are a reminder of God's great love for us, for we only mourn loss if we have first celebrated the gift.

So while I am sad to see the days of shared middle school evaporate, I am excited to see the great things ahead.

We are never free to receive, until we first let go, and so today I relinquish my strangle hold on the yesterdays and look forward to the tomorrows to come.

Enough About Me

Watching in the rear view mirror, as the girls climbed on the bus this morning, was like an analogy of my life as their Momma.

Looking back at all we have done together, all that I wish I had done differently, all that slipped through my fingers no matter how hard I tried to hold on.  They just keep climbing and growing, moving away from me without looking back.

It is good and right, my task is to prepare them to flee our safe haven and face the world. It just isn't easy.

I'm not ready for Cailin to head to high school. nor am I ready for her little sister to ride the bus alone, walking home from the bus stop solo, instead of head close to her sister's, giggling secret sister laughter as they head home to me.

I may not be ready, but they are, and once again, I am reminded that parenting is not about me.

Ears To Hear?

It has been a quiet year for me, with not much to say.

After struggling with the decision of where to send the girls to school last fall, I felt drained, and spent most of the year trying to acclimate to a whole new world, awakening most mornings still questioning our choice. The girls jumped in to this new environment feet first, diving and splashing in the ocean of freedom and new friendships, while I waded along the shoreline, tentatively dipping my toes, but yearning for the safer pond we left behind.

New friendships were happily forged, and mornings were simpler as the girls eagerly got ready for the day. Evenings were spent relaxing instead of focused on hours of homework,  and things were truly more peaceful, in so many ways.

Yet my heart still aches for the presence of God in their midst, cries out for Godly teaching and children from similar families.  I know the platitudes, "as long as there are tests, prayer will always be in schools"  and "God is always with our children, even in public schools", and of course I know He never, never leaves them. He certainly made the way for the ease of transition and the friends who welcomed them, I know His hand was on them every step of the way.

Yet I can't help but question if this was best. I know it was fine, and in many ways great, but was it best? As a parent I desperately crave giving the girls God's best for their lives. Was this really it? Did we hear Him? Has this year given them anything for their future faith? How has it shaped who they will be?

I still have more questions than answers. That's the hard part of parenting, we don't truly see the confirmed success of our task until they are adults, so it is easy to question and veer off our course along the way, but I trust that  God has things under control.  Even if we missed His plan, He uses all things for good.

So I continue to be quiet, and listen.