Hope

I want a do-over.

I want to have patience with Cailin when she can't find the jeans that "don't make her butt look funny"...I want to be calm with Cassidy when she is being disrespectful in her speech to me...I want to wake up early enough to pray before the girls are up so I will have a reserve of grace to draw from...I want to remember that this is only one morning of chaos and not an indictment of my parenting, or representative of every morning to come.

Tomorrow will come, and there will be my chance for a do-over.

Thank You Lord that your mercies are new every morning.

Stages

I love books. I love to read. I love information. So wherever I am in life, I seek out books on the subject and pore over them, calming myself that I am not the only one who has traveled this road, and hopefully finding some answers to make the journey a little easier. Consequently, we have many, many titles on hand for nearly every phase of parenting.

It should come as no surprise, then, that my bookcase is like a mini-scrapbook of my life, reflecting the various stages I have already passed through as well as some on hand for the future. Case in point, "The Girlfriends Guide to Toddlers" shares a shelf with "Your Girl: A Bible Study for Mothers of Teens", "The Mission of Motherhood", and "Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours".

As she looked on a jam packed book shelf for the concordance last night, it was the titles "I Refuse To Raise a Brat" and "Parenting The Fussy Baby and High Need Child" that Cassidy took offense to, however. Sorry to say, we have been there and done that! Moving right along to "Dateable" and "Raising a Spiritually Sound Daughter", ugh, these topics make sleeping through the night look easy!

Cailin

She is beautiful, with a smile that lights up a room.
She awakens with a smile, ready to face the world.
She is easy going, unless you are her sister and you touch her things. Then she is a special kind of crazy.
She loves her friends, her dog, and laughter.
She is completely present when she is with you, and makes you feel  important.
She isn't easily swayed by others opinions, but is very teachable when coached or disciplined.
She has the tenacity of a pit bull and pushes the boundaries constantly.
She has a natural sweetness that balances the pit bull and keeps her mother from insanity.
She loves field hockey, theater, gymnastics, horse back riding, and (recently) doing her hair and makeup.
She is fiercely independent and will try anything. Except tomatoes.
She loves to sing and surprises with a big voice from such a tiny body.
She is always the shortest one in any group. She is ok with that.
She loves her Nana and Papa. Fiercely.
Her hugs are not for the timid.
She loves as she lives, with her whole heart.
She is my baby girl. My rock star. The one who made me a Mommy.
And now she is a teenager and I am crying. Because she lights up my world and I want the days to slow down.

Hair Daze

Only a preteen would set her alarm for 4:30 a.m. to curl her hair.

Her 40 year old mother wishes she hadn't heard the same alarm. A pony tail will work just fine for her, thank you very much!

Working Myself Out of a Job

An acquaintance told me last week that while Rusty's gift to me of a weekend away was fabulous, she herself could never have actually gone.

She explained that she "just couldn't leave her children" , she had never been away from them, and she just wouldn't enjoy herself.

Her insinuation was that she was a more devoted mother, but "good for me for being able to think of my own sanity and get away".

It made me laugh, because even though I missed the girls, I also knew they were as cherished with Daddy as they are with me.

They love their time together as much as I enjoy being recharged by my solitude by the ocean.

More importantly though, my job as a mother is to teach my children how to live without me, to guide them into loving, capable adults
who are able to thrive outside the safe nest of our home.

Do I like my job description? NO!

I have a lump in my throat even typing this.

However, disliking the objective doesn't change it.... my responsibility as their Momma is to prepare them for independent life.

I look at their confidence and ability to make choices on their own,

 and I realize I am succeeding.

I am working myself out of the only job I love.

The New 30?

Rusty surprised me last Friday.

He sent me away, with a precious friend, for a weekend of pampering and relaxation.

He made reservations at a hotel he knew I had been eager to visit.

He gave me an envelope of cash for tipping ... things he always does for me and knew would fluster me.

Another envelope held spending money for a shopping trip on the way to the beach.

He programmed my GPS so I could focus on laughing and not getting lost.

He made sure we would visit the spa, which was an easy sell for both of us.

When we returned he had cleaned the house, even the floors.

Dinner was waiting, and everyone survived. (Except the bird... let's not talk about that.)

40 really is fabulous.

I love this girl. She gets me.

We laughed the entire trip. Well, except for the tunnel under the bay portion. Then we prayed.

Alone at the top of the hotel enjoying my Bible study in solitude. God is so good.

This was my view while I was spending my time with God... 21 stories in the air. Breathtaking.

So another milestone has come and gone, and I survived.

Not only survived, but marked it with an exclamation point, and with a friend who will help me remember it forever.