Sometimes it is just hard.
I like things to be easy and happy, with everyone doing what they are supposed to, and with a good attitude to boot.
I don't want to have to check for texts that I wouldn't approve, or remind my daughter (again) that she isn't allowed to listen to that particular radio station.
I don't want to ground the other daughter for poorly spoken words to me, as I rush her through her morning routine... rushing only because I allowed her extra sleep after a long, full weekend.
I don't want to hear, as we pull out of the driveway, that one is out of lunch money and now will not have time to pay at the cafeteria. I will now need to pay it online, for a $2.50 fee. Fee to be paid this once, with grace, next time it will be her obligation.
I don't want to find wet towels on the floor, laundry outside the basket, or forgotten mugs of tea still on the vanity.
If I were doing this job, this mothering, "right", surely I wouldn't have to do these things. At least that is the lie I tell myself as I allow defeat to tire my soul.
God knows exactly what I need to hear. He knows I need a word of encouragement from another who has been there, who has doubted her abilities at this most important and all consuming task.
He knows I need a reminder that grace is needed for me and for them, my precious girls.
He knows that as much as I want todo this "right", I sometimes hide in books or screen time, escaping to images of beautiful homes and loving families. Seeking inspiration, yes, but in that journey missing beautiful moments of my own.
He knows what I need. I am so grateful that hard means worthy, and that nothing is too hard for Him.
I am the Lord your God, the maker of all. Nothing is too hard for me.