home sweet home

i was gone all week on business. this is the first time I have ever gone overnight, so i am thankful for that.
i don't plan on doing it again.
turns out I am a homebody.
it was almost worth it for the huge hugs Cassidy gave me when i returned.
she is rather stingy with her hugs typically, so this was clearly a treat born of absence.
hotels, even nice ones with down comforters and soft towels, are very lonely.
cookies in the lobby by the fireplace every evening helped.
as did facebooking with my 13 year old at home in her cozy bedroom.
i corrected her on something she wrote (privately) and told her i was always watching her. haha. loved that!
she still wrote back that she loved me. she is a good girl like that.
my baby turned 12 last weekend and i still haven't been able to write about it, but i will.
i love her so much and want her to stay small.
she does too, which stole my heart!
the dog won't leave my side, i guess she missed me too.
it is so, so good to be home. to have a home. to have a family.
God has burdened my heart for orphans recently. i'm not sure what this is leading to, but i want to obey.
i wish everyone had a home and family.
it's good to be back.

Questioning

i seem to be questioning everything lately.
not my beliefs, but how they are lived out, and represented in the choices and associations we make.
maybe this is the result of making a radical (for our family) change.
maybe it is that, because of our obedience to make that change, God has taken off our blinders and blessed us with deeper insight in other areas.

i don't know why, but i do know where.

in youth group when cailin shares the lesson and something in it resonates a warning in my soul.
in a group of christian girls who quote scripture yet blatantly travel as an exclusive clique.
in manipulative statements written on facebook.
in the lessons taught our youth leaning heavily on do's and don'ts, and less on why.
in lives so full of normal there is little time for extraordinary.

i am questioning... knowing the answers will come.

i don't know when, but i do know from Where.

Tuesday Thoughts

• Waking up with the same migraine that sent you early to bed last night will inspire a very unique dog walking outfit. Bra optional being the scariest part of the get up.
• Home made soup in the fridge, to quickly warm up, makes almost anything better!
• I am married to the most generous and selfless person I know.
• I don't like it when my girls are sick, but I do love taking care of them.
• Penguin cool mist humidifiers from Target are fun. 
• I think I have decided to wrap all our Christmas presents in brown kraft paper this year.
• Today is my Mom's birthday. I love her so much, even though we are very different. The fact that she always celebrated my uniqueness from her, instead of feeling offended, is one of her best mothering qualities, and one I try to share in my own parenting.  She really is amazing... flexible, fun, and way cooler than I am or ever was.
• Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, after nearly 2 years. I think I am a slow adaptor, maybe.
• My baby turns 12 Saturday. It doesn't seem possible.
• We have officially begun playing Christmas music.

It is going to be a great day, just because it is a gift to be alive.

Not Counting Shopping Days

I planned to do this study last year, "Preparing My Heart for Advent" by Ann Marie Stewart , in an attempt to return my thoughts to the real meaning of Christmas, and not just the mile long shopping list I faced. Unfortunately, busy-ness won, and so I shelved it in anticipation of studying it this year.

So I am excited to begin, this morning, to prepare my heart for Advent... to think on things other than shopping and decorating, and pray that this season will truly be one which I remember for more than the gifts under the tree.