My heart feels like a watermelon tossed from a second story window. Splintered and splashed on the pavement. I ache for it to be restored to that of a firm and glossy green melon, full of hope and beautiful in its pristine form.

I cry out to God in my broken state; eager for His healing touch.

Even though I journal almost daily, sometimes when I hear something from God that hits me so plainly, I have to write it here, where I can get it down faster than writing it out. Today is one of those days, and I can't help but be excited that God wants to help me understand something enough that he says it to me repeatedly, in various voices. When I read a devotion, or hear a message, with the same idea, my heart leaps, because I know He is speaking, and it will bless me to listen and obey. So I want to record it, because in the business of life, it can be easy to forget that he speaks to us, graciously and often... and His wisdom is the only wisdom that has the power to change me.

So here it is: seek Him in the small things, ask Him for discernment and wisdom, and acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your path (Proverbs 3:6). Talk to Him first thing every day, all day, and at the end of the day. Humble yourself and recognize that all good things come from Him. Give Him the glory. Always and often.

Trust Him. Trust Him in the big things, and in the small things. trust Him over my flesh and my feelings, and trust that His ways really are good ways, even when I don't see or feel that. I have often told my girls to be friendly to everyone, but to trust their hearts in real friendship to few. God is reminding me that He is the one, true safe place to trust my heart.

So today I will start my day asking Him to guide m in all things, in every decision. I will remind myself that every good thing I do or receive is because of HIm, not my own efforts. I will strive to keep Him in the forefront of my thoughts, and follow His promptings instead of my feelings.

Amen.

I get the occasional butterfly in the stomach sensation, rarely, but still, once in a while I get a glimpse of a future of all He has promised, and a stirring up of hope.

He says we are blessed when we come in, and blessed when we go out . He says He will make our latter days better than the former. He says we are destined to prosper and not falter, and that no weapon formed against us will prosper. He says that He is in us, and never leaves nor forsakes us. He says nothing is too great for Him. He says if we ask in prayer, believing, we will receive what we ask for. He says greater is Him Who is in me than him who is in this world. He says He desires mercy and not sacrifice. He says to love Him above all else, and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

What if I believe Him?