The Feathered Nest

No Regret.

This is what God clearly spoke to my soul this morning, as I found myself tearing up, once again, as I pondered what appears to me to be yet another loss. A disappointment. A dream deferred.

It isn't what I want, it isn't what the other person involved  should want, either, if you asked me. But noone did, and so the plans I had ,for someone else, are being turned upside down, and my sadness weighs heavily on my thoughts.

Yet God clearly tells me to have No Regret. He wants me to be ok with things not going according to my plan. Plans for someone for whom I have prayed that "His plans are to prosper, and not harm, plans for blessing and not curse. " Someone I have entrusted to His hands over and over... and plead for wisdom in their life and in my counsel over them. A person who is seeking Him, not in my ways but in their own. Someone who is desperate to stand on their own two feet and not feel compelled or swayed by the desires of others.

And so I slowly start to hear Him more clearly. Reminding me that He is faithful and true. His ways are not my ways, but are higher than my ways. He says I can trust Him, that He knows and sees all, and never leaves nor forsakes us. My first thought is. "yes, but...".  But I want them to be in this certain place. But I want them doing this thing. But I want them to have this_________. But. But. But.

All sentences starting with rebellion and ending with me. Because every thought is one based on my own desires, or how I think they would best find success and happiness in this world. Every sentence ends with what would make me happy, what would fulfill my plans, what would be the natural continuation of what was started. It is easier financially and emotionally for me. Me. me. Me.

I sound like a spoiled child. And then I realize that even in this, God is gracious. He doesn't condemn. he doesn't make me feel selfish. Instead He reassures me- to have No Regret. To release my own expectations. And to trust in Him. His ways are all that I have prayed and lectured. His ways are all that His Word promises. His ways are always better and always in His perfect timing. Not mine.

And so, even as I write these words of realization,  the memories and sadness fight for center stage in my mind, and I know I have to make a choice. To live in the "But/me", or to reject those thoughts and choose instead, "But God".