A Moment In Time

Focused, engaged, at peace, and oblivious to anything else.

This is how I want to be in God's Presence.

Absorbed by the moment.

Gratitude

Thankful to be thankful, on this day of love, the Source of true gratitude.



love given and received
pink heart shaped pancakes with chocolate chips
pantry full, and a family to cook for
home full of peace, hard fought for and not taken for granted
rowdy breeze in the trees, spring in the air
hearts turning towards obedience
legs intertwined in sleep, security and assurance in the night
a date with my husband and grandparents to love the girls while we are gone
a house silent on a saturday morning, but for the furnaces constant breathing
music, always

17-26

Sunday Letters

Once again I am joining in with Sunday letters to my family. Thanks for sharing this great idea, Deirdre!

 Dear Cailin,

You have looked so grown up to me this week, especially with your hair curled and  piled up on your head. I love seeing you grow, but oh, how I miss that chubby cheeked toddler who giggled and ran around the house in circles.

Driving you and your friends home from the movies Friday, it dawned on me that this is such a fleeting stage. I need to hold on to those loud giggles and singing (shouting?) from the back seat. Soon enough you will be driving your selves everywhere, and I will miss those conversations and laughter. Oh, sweet girl, I love middle school and don't want it to end! I'm so glad you were able to see the Justin Bieber movie, and tickled that we ran into Danie at the theater. What a bonus to add an unexpected friend to our numbers.

I love you and I love being with you.

Mommy

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Dear Cassidy,

Wow! You did it! You convinced us that we must have another dog, and Sadie will soon be sharing her princess throne with Mia! Thank you for your great attitude when asked to walk Sades. I know you really want to prove your responsibility to us, and we are thankful for your effort. Consider yourself warned- there will be lots more when Mia comes home- ha!

I loved seeing you work through your anger with Cailin this week. It has to be hard to be sisters so close in age with such different personalities. You both want to be best friends, but it's hard to remember that when fighting over the wii, or t.v., or hair accessories, or clothes, or the way you look at each other. Yikes! The song you wrote her is precious, and I love your willingness to share your heart with her. You amaze me, really, and I am so thankful God blessed me with you.

I love you sweet thing!

Mommy
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Dear Rusty,

I am so thankful things have quieted down slightly for you, even knowing it is the eye in the storm. God has brought me so much peace, and I hope you feel my support and pride.

Thank you so much for letting us add another dog. You absolutely spoil us all, and I love knowing that you would give us anything to make us happy. I hope you know we feel the same way about you!

I love that I left for the movies with 2 girls and arrived home with 5, and you didn't bat an eye, but just helped me tidy guest rooms and inflate air mattresses. Getting them all to rehearsal the next day on your own, while I went to buy the dog you don't even want, well that is above and beyond! You are a rock star Daddy. (I love the friends comment at breakfast that it was like being at a hotel... you do know how to put on a breakfast spread for your girls!)

Thank you for being such an amazing husband and Daddy. We love you!

Me

Bieber Fever

Tonight I have a date with my two favorite girls (and a friend).

3-D glasses, popcorn, and possibly ear plugs.

I LOVE this age!

Unexpected

Is there anything better than awakening to a surprise snow day?

I love unpredictability, so snow days are at the top of my list of happies in life.

Letting the girls sleep late while I enjoy unrushed Bible study and sweet tea is manna from heaven.

Rusty, knowing me, whispers softly as he leaves, "Snow Day. Go back to sleep, your tea is in the fridge."

He grins as if it is a gift he ordered just for me, and I know he would if he could.

Gifts everywhere, from the One Who can delight me.

And does.

Thankful

He is here, always.
When silence answers my prayers it is me, not listening.
He is always speaking, in the whispers of blessing I too often overlook.
I want to hear Him.
Thanks comes first, opening the path so His voice carries clearly, resonating in my soul.

I am so grateful my life includes
sun filtering through the trees, a cozy fire, sweet tea
the hugs of a sleepy girl awakening, and the puppy who kisses my tears away
friends who pray and parents who cherish
comfy yoga pants, my favorite blanket, a singer who moves me to cry
soup simmering and a stocked pantry
a husband who loves me imperfectly, and a God who helps me forgive
laughter uproarious ,
early morning sunrise and a night sky filled with stars

Gratitude 1-16

Sunday Letters

Dear Cailin,

Taking you to the AP Curriculum Fair at Daddy's school was full of so many emotions. Pride in you, sadness at the thought of you being a high school freshman, and excitement at this next phase of your life. Your Daddy was so proud to have you there, I thought he would burst! 

We were both so impressed at the way you approached each teacher and introduced yourself. You really didn't need us there, and you were like a ray of sunshine to everyone you met. It seems like you just started middle school- I cannot believe this is your last year already, but you're ready and are going to soar. I know that.

Thank you for working so hard to be responsible and help more at home. I really appreciate it, and the humble way you receive discipline. You are a force to be reckoned with and I love seeing where God is taking you. I know it was hard to see people being unkind to daddy this week, and you were so quick to want to defend him. We love that loyalty- it is all that matters to your Daddy... the words of strangers can't touch him as long as he is still the hero of his girls.

I love you Sweet Girl. So much.
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Dear Cassidy,

Wow! You have the tenacity of a pit bull, and I love it! You found out that Sadie's daddy is for sale and are determined to have him. You have worked so hard to show us how responsible you are, that you have almost convinced us, although I probably shouldn't tell you that! I love the little notes you leave for us around the house, and my favorite from this week was finding a note under my pillow, attached to a packet containing all your money that said, "This is for Lucas. But if we can't have him I want it back!". Cracked me up!

You are such a sweet girl, and have the tenderest of hearts. I know you sometimes struggle with controlling your words, and I have seen you try harder than ever this week. I am so appreciative of the effort required to "tame the tongue". It isn't easy for any of us and I am so proud that you want to be better.  I know God will honor your desire.

Thank you for loving your Daddy so much and wanting to defend him. Know that he doesn't care what anyone else thinks, as long as his family is proud of him, and you certainly proved that devotion this week. Thank you for loving him and encouraging him.

I love you Little Bit!
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Dear Rusty,

I love you.

I am proud of you.

You are exacly where you are because it is God's desire. Few men could make the impact on kids lives that you do, and keep the insane schedule that you do, without complaint. You never rest on your last achievement but are always reaching for the next best thing for the kids and teachers in your school. 

This week has probably been the single worst week you have ever endured, and yet you did so with grace and humility, and were such an example to our girls. You don't deserve what you have been faced with, and the girls and I have tried to temper our anger with the knowledge that God is with you, and He has your best interests at heart.  He will fight on your behalf, so we don't have to. 

This whole experience has been eye opening as I see the craziness that is part of your daily life, and I will say for the millionth time, "I would NEVER do what you do".  I'm glad you do, however, and are passionate. Your 15 minutes will soon be up, and we will be able to laugh at the absurdity. I hope you know, though, that your family and those who know you will always support you.

It is an amazing feeling to know that I am married to a man who is 100% willing to do the right thing, even at the expense of popularity, and even when you are going to have to stand alone. You are a shining example to our girls of everything a man of character is.

I love you and am so honored to be your wife.

Sunday Letters

I always enjoy the letters Deirdre writes her girls each Sunday, summarizing the week, and have decided to join her in this new series. The days fly by in a blur, so I am hoping this will be a good reminder of what filled those days, or at least what I was thinking as they passed me by.







Dear Cailin,

I am so proud of you as you have really worked hard this week to be responsible in your schoolwork. You have faced some challenges at youth group and praise team, and I'm sorry for the pain it has caused you, but I'm so grateful that you will share your heart with me.

We had so much fun last weekend at Great Wolf celebrating your birthday, and hearing you say it was your favorite birthday ever made it all worthwhile to me. I love you and I love your friends, and I want to be better about giving you opportunity to spend time with them.

I love you so much Doodles, and pray this week is full of the joy you bring to the world.

Love, Mommy


Dear Cassidy,

You really tried to be more cheerful in the mornings this week, and I appreciate your effort... you get your dis-like of mornings from me, so I understand the struggle. However, your bickering with your sister nearly made me want to snatch myself bald.  Have mercy! I am hoping this week involves us getting out the door without me screeching and then lecturing all the way to the bus stop.

I loved seeing you spend time with a new school friend and hearing your giggles; girls are so fun!

I love you Little Bit. I can't wait to see what this week brings.

Love,

Mommy


Dear Rusty,

Thanks for working with me.

I feel like we are becoming a better team, and I'm so thankful for everything  you do. You really are Superman.

I love you,
Me

As I have written this the girls have gotten into a dispute over clothes and I am ready to go back to bed and hide. Ugh! Maybe tomorrow morning will be peaceful?

Peace Comes Down

Unexpectedly, snow is falling again.
The weathermen didn't predict it, so I almost didn't believe my eyes.
I guess God doesn't need their forecasts to do His bidding.
I am so thankful for this cozy and peaceful start to the day.

Snow

This time yesterday we were thankful to be home; having driven treacherous roads home from Cailin's voice lesson, in the the snow that had started suddenly and furiously.
The chili had been simmering in the crockpot all afternoon, and Rusty built a roaring fire once he finished filling up the snow blower, preparing it for early morning duty.
We ate by the fire, watching a movie and napping, then let the girls have a sister sleepover in Cassidy's room.
Rusty was so sweet to blow up the air mattress so they each had their own space, and pulled the extra electric blanket out so Cailin was toasty on the blown up bed.
Sadie nestled in with her, and we were out for the night.
An evening that had been scheduled for a late night at school for Daddy and youth group for the girls and I turned into a lazy night together at home.
I love snowy evenings and the peace they insist on bringing.

Girls Are Fun

We celebrated Cailin's 13th birthday, by going to Great Wolf Lodge, with her sister and best friends this weekend.
Her birthday was last May. Timely, hm?
Actually, it only happened as the result of my resolution to be more intentional this year.
Life slips away if we don't plan, if we don't "just do it".
So we did, and it was a blast!
More for the girls than me, honestly, because who likes being awakened at 2 a.m. by a cell phone ringing (Cassidy rolled over on it and it started playing some ridiculous ring tone. I wasn't the nicest at the moment, but in the morning it was pretty funny.), and a bathing suit in February is cruel if you aren't 13.
Despite the lack of sleep and humiliation of my tankini, I really enjoyed the time anyway.
I loved listening to the whispers and giggles, and observing the dynamics of 12 and 13 year old girls.
I was grateful for a husband who gave me an envelope of cash and didn't complain, despite the fact that January is the TIGHTEST financial month we have.
I was blessed to spend hours of  mostly uninterrupted time poolside, reading a book on fasting and , when my brain was overloaded, the latest Southern Living.
I even learned to let teenagers be teenagers and stop harping at them about their cocoa puffs battle, one that netted me a few chocolate puffs of my own.
The girls enjoyed some alone time in the teen hangout and arcade, and I got plenty of exercise hiking from our room to those same locations so I could surreptitiously peek in and see for myself that they were safe.
Most importantly, they enjoyed the gift of time together. And lots of junk food.

The Girls

Back In The Saddle

Operating on not enough sleep, I feel like our first morning back in routine was better than expected.
Two girls to school, on time, check.
One dog walked, check.
Dishwasher emptied and reloaded, check.
Beds made, check.

Now to tackle the to do list that I have been ignoring for 2 weeks.

Happy Monday!

Overly Ambitious?

I love, love, love a new year and the anticipation of what is to come.
A brand new planner, a clean home after the Christmas decorations have been put away, and the hope of cozy days inside inspire me to create not only resolutions, but a hefty "to do" list as well.
So here's what I am aiming for this year:

• More reading of books and less of blogs.
• Being intentional about my time and efforts.
• Eliminating excess, from stuff to obligations to relationships.
• Adding scripture memorization to my daily Bible study.
• Seeking opportunities to reach out to others.
• Blessing my daughters with more responsibility around the house.
• Organizing photos and videos.
• Playing more games as a family.
• Painting, purging, and creating window treatments.

Oh, I guess I should add lose weight, be more active, and drink more water. Because those are a given, right?

Better Than Good

It's funny. When I try to be objective and detail some hard things that happened in 2010, I can't. I just can't do it.
Not because 2010 didn't hold its share of disappointments, misunderstandings, and really hard moments, but because even in the less than stellar hours, I truly feel blessed to live each new day.
I know I am a glass half full kind of girl, but it isn't because I am in denial.
Rather, it is because I know that my God has good things planned for me, and the hard times? Those are bumps in the road; they don't define where I am going or who I am, they are just that, bumps that try to knock me off course, but can't succeed if I keep my eyes focused on the One Who guides me.
I admit, there are moments when I allow my focus to be on those obstacles, and I pout and question, sometimes even having a full blown pity party for me or my family.
But then, I think of all the blessings that God has lavished on me, and I realize those difficulties are minuscule in the shadow of the One Who created the world. His hand is still not waxed short, He still sits on His throne, watching and leading.
So my hope for 2011 is that I would choose to trust Him even more, and that my moments of doubt and fear would vanish in a cloud of faith.
Happy New Year!

So this is Christmas

i have been silent with not much to say but lots on my mind.
i have tried to be intentional this season and keep the focus on Jesus.
it has been so much more peaceful yet i still struggled with overdoing the shopping.
baby steps.
maybe next year we can tone even that aspect down.
it is hard to find a happy medium but i am determined.
we leave tomorrow for a week in the cabin, tucked in the woods with nothing to do except enjoy one another.
i have a lot to do today before we are ready to go.
Merry Christmas.

home sweet home

i was gone all week on business. this is the first time I have ever gone overnight, so i am thankful for that.
i don't plan on doing it again.
turns out I am a homebody.
it was almost worth it for the huge hugs Cassidy gave me when i returned.
she is rather stingy with her hugs typically, so this was clearly a treat born of absence.
hotels, even nice ones with down comforters and soft towels, are very lonely.
cookies in the lobby by the fireplace every evening helped.
as did facebooking with my 13 year old at home in her cozy bedroom.
i corrected her on something she wrote (privately) and told her i was always watching her. haha. loved that!
she still wrote back that she loved me. she is a good girl like that.
my baby turned 12 last weekend and i still haven't been able to write about it, but i will.
i love her so much and want her to stay small.
she does too, which stole my heart!
the dog won't leave my side, i guess she missed me too.
it is so, so good to be home. to have a home. to have a family.
God has burdened my heart for orphans recently. i'm not sure what this is leading to, but i want to obey.
i wish everyone had a home and family.
it's good to be back.

Questioning

i seem to be questioning everything lately.
not my beliefs, but how they are lived out, and represented in the choices and associations we make.
maybe this is the result of making a radical (for our family) change.
maybe it is that, because of our obedience to make that change, God has taken off our blinders and blessed us with deeper insight in other areas.

i don't know why, but i do know where.

in youth group when cailin shares the lesson and something in it resonates a warning in my soul.
in a group of christian girls who quote scripture yet blatantly travel as an exclusive clique.
in manipulative statements written on facebook.
in the lessons taught our youth leaning heavily on do's and don'ts, and less on why.
in lives so full of normal there is little time for extraordinary.

i am questioning... knowing the answers will come.

i don't know when, but i do know from Where.

Tuesday Thoughts

• Waking up with the same migraine that sent you early to bed last night will inspire a very unique dog walking outfit. Bra optional being the scariest part of the get up.
• Home made soup in the fridge, to quickly warm up, makes almost anything better!
• I am married to the most generous and selfless person I know.
• I don't like it when my girls are sick, but I do love taking care of them.
• Penguin cool mist humidifiers from Target are fun. 
• I think I have decided to wrap all our Christmas presents in brown kraft paper this year.
• Today is my Mom's birthday. I love her so much, even though we are very different. The fact that she always celebrated my uniqueness from her, instead of feeling offended, is one of her best mothering qualities, and one I try to share in my own parenting.  She really is amazing... flexible, fun, and way cooler than I am or ever was.
• Our house is finally starting to feel like our home, after nearly 2 years. I think I am a slow adaptor, maybe.
• My baby turns 12 Saturday. It doesn't seem possible.
• We have officially begun playing Christmas music.

It is going to be a great day, just because it is a gift to be alive.

Not Counting Shopping Days

I planned to do this study last year, "Preparing My Heart for Advent" by Ann Marie Stewart , in an attempt to return my thoughts to the real meaning of Christmas, and not just the mile long shopping list I faced. Unfortunately, busy-ness won, and so I shelved it in anticipation of studying it this year.

So I am excited to begin, this morning, to prepare my heart for Advent... to think on things other than shopping and decorating, and pray that this season will truly be one which I remember for more than the gifts under the tree.