Long, but I have to share this.

Tuesday when Cailin came home from school she said her hand hurt and she couldn't use it even to write. Beginning mid-afternoon while in school, she described having shock pains shooting through her hand to her fingertips, and severe pain. From that point on, she held her hand in one position, whether sleeping or awake, and couldn't tolerate even the slightest brush of fingertips to the skin.

I assumed it was just something minor, but sent her to the school nurse just in case, Wednesday morning. She thought maybe a pinched nerve, suggested we see the Dr. if it still hurt Thursday. Now this is all going on while Rusty is out of town, so I am wondering if she is more sensitive since daddy is gone, and this is how it is manifesting itself. However, by Wednesday evening when she came home her hand was swollen and ice cold. There was no doubt something was wrong, but I was baffled as to what it could be. She hadn't injured it in anyway- it made no sense!

Thursday I took her to urgent care, where they x-rayed her and said basically there was nothing they could see wrong; just see if it got better over the weekend. By now I was really getting concerned, and so Friday morning we saw the pediatrician, who was immediately alarmed and began calling neurologists and vascular surgeons to see if anyone could see her Friday afternoon- HA! She referred us to see a pediatric specialist anyway, which would mean traveling to another hospital, and seemed as though would be the next week before arrangements could be made. She sent us to the ER so we could go ahead and start having some preliminary tests done, and so off we went.

After arriving there at noon, and learning that it would be sometime that evening before we were seen, I was really starting to feel overwhelmed, partly because I am so germophobic and ER waiting areas really freak me out, and partly because I was supposed to pick up Cailin's friend after riding for a sleepover while her mommy went to a charity function. How irrelevant those concerns would become....

As we sat there, a friend text messaged me, which is the first miracle, because I don't text message! I replied that we were in the ER and I would call her later. This friend was the first step in God's amazing plan, as she obeyed His prompting and came to be with us and see if we needed lunch. As we sat there, she scrolled through the list of doctors on her blackberry, saw the name of a surgeon she knew from church, and called his office. She described Cailin's symptoms to his nurse, who said she would have him call us with a suggestion on whom to see. He called back, said bring her to me immediately, and off we went- hallelujah!

He looked at her hand, and then listened to her pulse in her wrist on his doppler. Finding a pulse only on one side, I assumed his Doppler was broken, which is why he took us to a vascular surgeon to use his Doppler. Wrong! The Doppler was fine, her pulse was not to be found on the ulnar side, she had a blockage (meaning a clot somewhere) and we needed to find out where. As the two surgeons are conferring over my head, I began to see the seriousness in their expressions, and wondered out loud if we had time for my husband to arrive from work before we did the test. They explained, ever so gently, as we rushed back to the first office, that we would be transported to a medical center two hours away, because Cailin would need to be admitted to a pediatric unit while they administered "TPA's"- drugs given heart attack and stroke patients with such dangerous side effects they must be give in ICU. At this point I started to grasp the severity of the problem, and it is only through God's grace that I managed to remain semi calm while we waited for Rusty to arrive.

The surgeon prayed with us, and I sensed God's presence, and knew He was in control- I just wanted resolution, and fast! We were told it would be 24-48 hours in the PICU before we would know any outcome, and rushed to pack before heading to Charlottesville for the weekend. Again, God provided as Cassidy was staying with a friend and wouldn't need to know or worry about her sister; we saw a friend in the neighborhood who pulled over and prayed for Cailin on the spot; and as word spread, calls started pouring in of people praying for us. The doctor we were headed to see was previously the chief of the vascular dept. at the Mayo Clinic, one of the best in the country- we were going to be in the best of hands. God was overwhelming us with His provision of everything.

We enjoyed the drive, laughing and praising God, (Cailin still doesn't know how serious her situation was) and preparing for battle. satan was attacking and we were not giving in- as I told Rusty, "It's on!".

Wow!

Right after I hit "post" on Friday morning, I rushed out the door to watch Cassidy's class sing at chapel. Part of my angst that morning had been due to Cailin suffering with a sore hand since Tuesday, and her inability to even write, because of the pain. I had been frustrated that she wouldn't be able to do her schoolwork and I didn't want her to fall behind at school, but I really wasn't sure what to do.

We already had x-rays taken at Prime Care, where they told me to watch her over the weekend, and if it still hurt on Monday to then call her pediatrician. I had a nagging sense that this wasn't right, and I felt such a burden about things that I called our doctor and scheduled an appointment for Friday at 10:45. As soon as I picked her up I felt such a sense of relief that I was doing the right thing for her. I had no idea at the time just how important it was that we see the doctor sooner, rather than later, but by the time school let out I would have the answer to her weeklong suffering.

I have so much to write, and the most amazing testimony to God's goodness and power in our lives, but I will have to do that in the morning. It is such a long story it will take some time to tell, but it most be told. It is a story that changed our lives, and hopefully created a ripple effect that will continue to influence lives around us eternally.

God is SO good.

I'm glad it is only every 4 years!

Ugh! My morning has not gone well, and my attitude has not been what it should be. I let sleep deprivation, pms, and frustration over typical childish behaviors push me into a tailspin of temper tantrum.

I am remorseful for my behavior... slamming a closet door, tossing a cup in the sink (with more force than necessary), and berating the girls instead of teaching them. I am also irritated with things that don't even have anything to do with them, and so that adds fuel to the fire that is my self righteous hissy fit. I am ashamed, and yet I chose to continue snapping at them. I was justified in my disappointment, but what am I teaching them, if when frustrated I behave like they do? I need to be better... it is my job, the job that matters most to me- training them up in the way they should go, not the way the world (and sometimes Mommy!) goes.

I am going to pray and repent, and ask God to please let me do better the rest of they day. I was so excited that today was leap year, and wanted to mark the occassion. Now I'm just glad I won't have to relive this date for another 4 years.

Maybe by then I will have matured.

Like Little Kittens - edited

The girls have been sharing a room for 3 weeks, now, and despite Rusty's concerns about bickering, it has been the greatest thing we have done for our family. (Just like I told him it would be!).

This evening when we went in for tuck ins, the two of them were sitting side by side on their cozy love seat, listening to an Adventure In Odyssey c.d., and playing their Nintendo DS games. Each was doing her own thing, but they were together.

Earlier today, when they were supposed to be folding their laundry, I found them nestled under the down comforter as Cailin read Cassidy a story.

Finally, just now, as we checked on our sleeping girls before we turned in for the night, we found the two of them (and the dog!) asleep in Cassidy's bed, snuggled together like two little kittens.

What a gift we have given them in each other. Thank You God for those precious little lives.
EDITED: I had to laugh when I was awakened to Cassidy wailing, "Mooom! Cailin is being mean and took my covers and won't let me get back to sleep!". Still sweet... but normal sisters!

Happy Valentine's day!

I don't like chocolate, I love flowers but would prefer a fresh hydrangea bush to a dozen roses, and eating out is a staple of our on the go life, not necessarily a treat. So what is a guy to do for Valentine's Day?

Sweet tea waiting for me on my nightstand every morning would be nice...

Oh, and a wake up call from my big guy, while he's at the gym, so I don't have to wake up to an alarm clock's annoying buzz. (I may ask for a snooze or two, requiring return phone calls.)...

Heated towels when I finish my shower would work for me...

I really don't like making big breakfasts, so having those on the weekends would be great...

A foot massage with peppermint lotion after a long day at work would be a wonderful gift...

I frequently decide to paint (or re-paint) but I'm just not crazy about paint fumes, and all that reaching... a cheerful painter would be SUPER....

A husband who adores his family, and puts us before anything else in his life would be something every woman would love to have...

Hmmm, since Rusty gives me all this and more, I think all I want for Valentine's Day is to see my sweet husband and tell him how thankful I am that he is mine.

It's the Simple Things

Things that are making me happy tonight...

• Freshly laundered sheets and my down comforter turned down invitingly.
• The giggles of sisters chasing each other through the house. The silence of a house full of sickness was deafening.
• Knowing that tomorrow we all go back to our normal schedules.
• The warmth of a fireplace on a cold and icy night.
• Being able to actually find things in my recently straightened pantry, and not having canned goods fall on me when I open the door.
• The sweet scent of my girls' hair after a restorative, hot soak in the bubbles.
• Tussin with codeine cough syrup guaranteeing me a sound night's sleep.
• Stink Doggy- Dog has an appointment with the groomer tomorrow.
• A good book on my nightstand with only a few chapters left to enjoy. (Debbie Macomber's "Back on Blossom Street")

After having our routine and household turned upside down by sickness, I am truly thanking God for the blessing of a life full of normalcy.

Life is good.

I'm Baa-ck... Sorta

I have been on a break. Not planned. Just the result of life happening.


Loads of work stress. The kind that made me seriously consider quitting, despite the fact that it would mean giving up luxuries like food and electricity. Stress that consumed me night and day. The lack of sleep led to sickness. After one whole week of coughing and sleepless nights I devoted two hours to urgent care, where I was given the blessed Z-pack of antibiotics.


On Thursday Cassidy came home from school feeling rough, and by bedtime had a fever. The next day her fever was 103.5 and she tested positive for the flu- woohoo! Tamiflu for her, and lysoling of every surface.


Cailin has vacillated between feeling fine, playing outside with her friends, and feeling awful, hanging out with mommy on the sofa. Today she received her own prescrition of tamiflu, and will be spending another day home from school with Mommy.

Rusty even agreed to a visit to urgent care, and admits he's glad I insisted he go! Considering how horrendous he felt with the precious tamiflu (yes, that is 3 prescriptions in one weekend for the mighty flu fighting medicine), he can't even imagine how much worse without.

I finally conceded defeat and spent all of Sunday catching up with my new best friends, Jon and Kate Plus 8. I have wanted to see that show for awhile, and yesterdays marathon provided the perfect entertainment for me from 2-8. Pathetic, hm? I rarely give in to sickness, but this time I have embraced it and allowed myself to wallow in sleep and reality t.v. Boredom is getting the best of me, and if I don't get back on track I will get behind in my work again, and start the vicious cylce all over- ugh!

So tomorrow, while Cailin rests in her room, I will be back to work, and when I am caught up, back to blogging.

I can't wait!

The White Stuff

Finally! After a schizophrenic winter of temperatures varying wildly from 70 degrees one day to 30 degrees the next, it appears that winter has truly arrived. I am sitting at my desk watching jumbo snowflakes tumble from the sky and cover the ugly dead grass. What a beautiful sight!

I guess the girls inside out jammies, ice cube flushing, and frozen spoons under the pillows worked! Their wish came true, and it looks like we might have some hot cocoa and chili in our future. Yum! "Cause it's really all about the food!

Taken Care Of

Whew! I managed to record all the debit transactions from the last 3 weeks (and it may or may not have been slightly more than the 20+ I had estimated!), clean out the two purses I had been juggling in December, and order my 2008 planner. I made the beds, picked up the surface clutter of the house, and washed a few more loads of laundry.

The laundry that had been waiting to be put away has diminished simply because we began wearing things from the baskets, and so they have now made their way on to the dirty laundry pile. Progress? Sure! At least they have moved from the top of the Christmas present pile to a more laundry appropriate setting.

Yesterday I began taking down the trees and piling the multitude of ornaments on the sofa, awaiting proper storage in their original boxes. Oh, I hate that job! I am a "big picture" type of person. I like to envision the beauty of Christmas, but I'm not so great with the details, like putting things in the correct boxes. A character flaw, admittedly, but it is a weakness that I am well aware of. Deciding to face my pathetic excuse for a work ethic head on, I pushed through the challenge and managed to completely dis-assemble the dining room tree. Feeling new strength from this success, I determined to finish the other, dreaded family room ornaments this afternoon.

God, in His infinite wisdom blessed me with a husband who dots the "i" in detail, and with the energy level of the energizer bunny. Rusty, bless that man's heart, managed to put all the ornaments in their tiny little boxes, and banished all remaining evidence of Christmas to the basement storage room, while I took Cassidy to a birthday party. I came home armed with a large diet coke from Sonic, ready to face my most dreaded job, and found it already done for me, by the one who had already done far too much of the putting away. I didn't ask, or even hint for him to do it. He voluntarily did it because he knew how much I dislike that task, and he wanted to help me out. Wow! What a gift.

I am so grateful that my heavenly Father also sees fit to step in and save me from myself, when I am in over my head. I'm so thankful that He sent Jesus, the One Who had already done far too much, to do even more by dying on the cross... for me. I am overwhelmed by His grace in my life, that allows Him to finish those "tasks" I start, but don't have the strength to complete on my own. I am so thankful that He only asks me to trust Him with my struggles, and that He is able and willing to fulfill His glory in my life.

I am so glad that I can rest in the shadow of His magnificence, and know that all is well.

Rest Amidst The Mess

My house is a mess.

I still have two fully decorated Christmas trees to dis-assemble and return to the basement storage room. Between the girls bedrooms lumbers a ginormous tub holding Christmas presents which need to somehow squeeze their way into already full toy bins. The laundry room floor is covered in clothes needing washed, and baskets filled with clean clothes to be folded are perched precariously on top of the tub of Christmas toys.

My bed is unmade, and the dog could benefit from a bath. I have 20+ debit transactions to record before my husband tackles the checkbook tonight, and I just had a call from Wal*Mart letting me know they found my purse. What? I didn't even know it was missing! How embarrassing! I forgot to order my new 2008 planner until yesterday, so I am pretending it is January 10, 2007 and scribbling over last years notes.

The fact that I am calm and not stressed out means one of two things: either I am having some type of clutter denial break down , or (and I think it is this one) I am finally learning to trust that all earthly things are temporal, and my treasure is stored up for me, neat and orderly, in Heaven. God's grace is sufficient for each day, even the ones that are a little topsy turvy because of my own human frailties. Instead of rushing around worrying, I need to rest in the knowledge that He goes ahead of me, and makes the way for me to accomplish whatever is needed of me.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord fights for you; you need only be still.

Hebrews 4:10 For he who has once entered God's rest also has ceased from the weariness and pain of human labors, just as God rested from those labors peculiarly His own.

Back In The Saddle

Even though the girls return to school Monday, vacation ended officially for me today as we ventured out of our cocoon for a day filled with girls' activities. After a late night out at bunco with my girlfriends, I had to drag myself out of bed at 6:15 to iron and pack up the girls horse show attire. Typically I would not leave this task until the morning of the show, but I take vacation to heart, and I couldn't muster the energy to prepare until the last possible moment. Shockingly we made it to the barn on time, and with a minimum of threats, to boot! The girls had a fabulous day and didn't even complain about the arctic temperatures, although they probably didn't feel them since they weren't still for the entire 6 hours that I stood shivering on the "sidelines". (OK, I realize it couldn't technically be called a sideline since it isn't a sports field, but really, what else should I call it? It's really more a metaphor for this stage of my life, perpetually standing on some "sideline" watching someone perform or practice something!).

Anyway, they had loads of fun, we took loads of pictures, and the girls managed to bring home their first ribbons. I managed to even squeeze in some catching up with mommy friends, as we coerced our husbands to make a starbucks run.



We made it home in time for Daddy to catch the last half of the Redskins game and some wardrobe changes before heading out to Cailin's Winter Voice Recital. Finally around 9:00 we made it home and are camped out watching movies. Whew! I guess we are really back in the saddle of this crazy ride we call our life!

Happy Inventors

So much to say and so many fun pictures of our time in the mountains, but that will have to be for another day, as I am trying to get some work done while the girls are still on their Christmas holiday.

They are absolutely delighting my spirit as they are working together in the basement, playing "inventors". They surfaced for a quick search of the house for magazines, glue, poster board, safety pins and paper clips, then quickly returned to their "studio" for some inventing. Oh, I can't even describe the pure joy that fills my heart to hear them working together (mostly- there was some debate about one c0-captain wielding a little more power than the other!) and creating. I am eager to see their inventions, especially with the recent additions of glue and glitter paint!

Hope your heart is full of peaceful joy. Mine sure is.

Christmas at the Cabin "Happies"

One of my favorite bloggers coined the term "happies" (if I knew how to link to her, I would, but in the interest of full disclosure, it is Sarah at In The Midst Of It), which I think is the best word to describe those moments in life when your heart is full and you are relishing the blessing of your life. So here are my Christmas in the mountain "happies"..

• Arriving and knowing Nana and Papa are already there, and have a Charley Brown tree waiting to be decorated.


• The squeals of the girls as they greet Nana and Papa, even though they just saw them the day before as the truck was loaded with all our goodies.


• The peace that fills my soul as we step outside and hear the stream rushing by, and nothing else.


• The fun tradition of Mom and I driving 30 miles to the nearest Wal*Mart to stock up on groceries for the week.


• Everyone wearing jammies round the clock... once even in a rush trip to the emergency room!


• Time spent sitting by the fire reading, napping, and playing games as a family.


• Wrapping gifts by the fire and watching It's a Wonderful Life, on Christmas Eve.


• Spending Christmas Eve with Rusty in a small town, buying stocking stuffers and having lunch together while the girls build a gingerbread house and string popcorn and cranberry garland with Nana and Papa.


• Taking the girls to see the live nativity.


• Hiking in the mountains and sleigh riding in the snow.


• Having nothing to do except enjoy time together as a family, remembering what a gift God gave us in His Son, and rejoicing in the blessing of our life in Him.

The Best Shot of the Bunch

This is our Christmas card picture. I planned on doing a family photo at a real live studio, but the combination of Daddy rarely being home in the evening, and Mommy's roots being 4 inches long led me to include only the cutest members of our family. After arguing about jewelry and hairstyles, and breaking a sweat because bedtime had long since come and gone, I managed to snap this photo, which I actually love because of their bright smiles. The dog, in a chokehold, regrets ever being a part of the process and is plotting her revenge, I can see it in her eyes.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas From Our Home To Yours!

Thanks BooMama for hosting our Christmas tour of homes!

Last year I peeked in the "windows" of everyone else doing the Christmas bloggy tour, but this year I am so excited to join in! Come on in and see some of my favorite areas of our home.

Welcome to our home! This is the little stretchable

snowman who greets you.

If the girls have been here he is much taller,

as they love to pull him out to his full height.

Part of Daddy's miniature village,

and this is his favorite piece... reminds him of the cabin where we spend Christmas.

I love the poinsettia because Rusty's students grew

them for him to give the teachers as gifts. My

Dad always brought poinsettias home for my Mom

and me, and I love that Rusty is continuing that tradition

with our girls.

The Santa Room where we hang

the stockings... we use the fireplace

too often to hang them on the mantel!

This hangs on the french door in the breakfast room.
My favorite Christmas decoration.

Seeing these vintage ornaments by the fireplace

always makes me happy.

I just love this little corner with my favorite rooster.
Dining Room Christmas Tree. I love this tree because it holds all the "pretty" ornaments I bought as a newlywed craving a "picture perfect" tree. Now my favorite tree is the one in the living room that holds all the sentimental ornaments. But this one still holds a special place in my heart.
Garland on the stairs. I've done this as long as we've lived in this house, and every year say I am changing it, but here it is again!
A few of Daddy's santas on display. The girls decorated this room completely by themselves this year, hallelujah! I am hoping this is a trend that will spread throughout the house next year!
I give Rusty one of these Santa's each year. I love that I received my Papa's Bible after he passed away a few years ago, and keep it on display year round as a reminder of what our family is grounded in. I miss Papa, but seeing his Bible thrills my heart, and he always loved Christmas, so it seems appropriate that the Santas are with it for awhile each year.

Thie dining room with ornaments hanging from the chandelier. The table is missing some decorations, because I had cleared the table for a buffet Friday night...
A closeup of the dining room tree... I love the lights shining through the glass ornaments.
The leftovers from making this...
Love making the gingerbread house. Not so much fun cleaning royal icing off every surface of my kitchen. Love eating the leftover candy.

The tree in our family room that holds 21 years of treasured memories. I turn the lights on when I wake up, and turn them off when I go to bed, enjoying every minute I can. Sitting by the fireplace and doing my Bible study with the tree on is one of my favorite things in life.

The most important decoration in our home... the one that shows what we are really celebrating. We add to this collection each year, and the girls love to move the pieces around. I was thrilled to see how they have arranged every figurine and animal to be focused on the sweet, baby Jesus.

Hope that is where your focus is as well, this blessed season.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for stopping by!

Little Bit

My little Cassidy turned nine last month. Despite all the celebrations, I haven't posted about it because I really didn't want to think about it. I mean, we didn't ignore the birthday... oh, no! We had a family party, and she awoke to a room filled by the balloon fairy, and enjoyed having 13 of her closest friends at the barn for a riding party the following Saturday. Mama doesn't ever miss an excuse for a party!

I happily celebrated with her, but as far as dwelling on her age, I have been in denial! Cassidy is my baby, my little angel, and the thought that this is her last birthday in the single digits tears at my heart. With every year, I have to accept the reality that I am working myself out of a job, and 9 is halfway to college, to this mommy's way of thinking. But time marches on, and I have slowly accepted this milestone birthday (ok, work with me here, they are honestly ALL milestones to me- I have issues, I know!) and want to record some of my thoughts about our little Cassidoodle.

Rather than ramble on, worrying about sentence structure (ahem), I want to list some of my favorite things and memories about this girl... this child who has grown so much this past year. Wow. Being 8 was big.

1. My first memory of her is of the midwife handing this writhing, screeching little bundle of energy into my arms, and holding her tight, trying to believe that this little girl is mine. She was like a coiled bundle of muscles and energy, and reached for me with the longest, most beautiful hands. I will never forget that moment- staring into the bluest eyes, which held the most serious and inquisitive expression as she stared me down. She owned me at that moment, and I knew she would be a force to be reckoned with.

2. As I would rock her for bedtime she would throw that little head back, and with her gummy little smile would giggle and taunt me, until I, too was luaghing. This would make her laugh even harder, and I couldn't resist kissing her under her chin, wiling to do anything to hear that captivating and magical laughter that bubbled forth from her. She kept her eyes locked on mine, and it felt as if she could see straight into my soul. Oh, how I loved those moments!

3. My strong willed little girl, battling it out with me over naptime or quiet time. Ohmy. That's all there is to say about that. I'm thankful we survived that era relatively scar free, and hope flashbacks won't send her into therapy at an early age.

4. My little blond pixie dust, as she shyly tries to hide a smile, holds her tongue in her cheek and peeks under those lashes with a sidelong glance to see ifyou notice. Usually her good humour gets the best of her and her face lights up like sunshine, with the smile she can no longer hide. Her smiles are truly a burst of joy straight from the hand of God, as she conquers her fear and allows her joy to shine forth.

5.I am so proud of this little thing, who has faced so much at such a young age. She developed severe eczema (and allergies) at 8 months of age, and until she was seven would awaken most days with her legs and sheets covered in blood, from the incessant scratching in the night. She endured painful ointments several times daily, and took 3-4 oral medications twice a day. She endured questions and stares from strangers as they noticed her precious tender skin, marked with painful wounds and scars. For a shy child it was literally torturous. She couldn't look people on the eye, couldn't even lift her eyes from the ground. But praise God, trusting God for her healing, we prayed and refused to give into the fear and frustration that threatened, many times, to overwhelm us. She has been off medication and symptom free for 2 years.

6. Cassidy has the best sense of humour of anyone I have ever known. She is funny without even trying to be. She has a dry wit, and sees humour in things beyond her age. I call Nana at least once, daily, to report the "Cassidy-ism" of the day. Now when we laugh she sighs, "Are you calling Nana?!"

7. Cassidy loves passionately and feels deeply. Her hugs are rarer than I would like, and when given are a cherished gift... they aren't given lightly. When she opens herself up to you, she gives all of herself, and loves with everything in her. It is worth the wait to receive her love!

8. I love the notes Little Bit (I called her a little bit of nothin' when she was born because she was so tiny!) leaves on my pillow at the end of the day. Notes telling me she is sorry for misbehaviors, or asking for a special time with me the next day, sometimes tied to a packet of candy from her halloween stash. Oh, I treasure those notes!

9. Cassidoodle has always been such an indepndent child and can occupy herself for hours on end. When home with me while I was working, she would sit and play at the dollhouses in my office endlessly, occassionally stopping by for a snuggle. When she would tire of that she would get out her paper, scissors, tape and staples and create purses and countless other designs. Her diligence and creativity combine to bless her with many gifts.

10. Cassidoodle, I love you! Seeing you grow into the person you were meant to be is a joy, and a gift I am so grateful to God for bestowing on me. Thanks for being my girl!

Can't Wait to See The Blessing

My baby has a hurting heart and there is nothing I can do to fix it. She just found out that her best friend is attending another school next year.

Next year is a bad year to not have your best friend. Next year is middle school. Next year is the time when the kids change classes and have more freedom with their uniform, and a time she was looking forward to sharing with Isabella. Now she knows that won't be the case, and instead of eagerly anticipating the fun times ahead, she can only think about walking alone, missing her giggling companion of the past 4 years.

Cailin is a bubbly, fun-loving girl. As the firstborn she is strongwilled, outspoken, and sure of who she is. She is very much a typical 10 year old, but blessed also with an innocence and naivete towards the more wordly things many other girls are already dwelling on. I have been so grateful for this friendship with a like minded, ornery and age appropriate friend. Whenever they are together there is constant laughter. They don't put on airs and try to act sophisticated, nor do they form cliques and try to exclude. They are a delight to be around, and true blue, stick together, loyal friends. Friends like this are a rare treasure, knowledge Cailin gained at an early age when other "friends" showed their true colors. Isabella was an answer to prayer, and so now, it is heartbreaking to think of them going through middle school separately.

I know that Cailin has lots of other friends and will survive. She will still see Is on the weekends at church, and at their riding lessons and field hockey. Their friendship will continue and grow, of that I am sure. But I understand Cailin's sadness at the loss of the familiar, the expected, the sure thing of having Izzy with her at school. I know the fear of being lonely, of having noone around who really understands you, of seeing other best friends together on the playground and feeling totally, all, alone.

I understand these concerns, and they hurt my heart as well. Yet my job as her Mommy is to guide her and prepare her for many more hurts to follow. So I explained to her that I understand, and I shared my own experience of having a best friend one year younger and having to go to junior high alone, similarly to her. I shared how I met other friends, and yet how Stacy and I , 25 years later, still remain like sisters. It was different, yes, but still good. I also told her that God does nothing that is not for our good, and He promises to work all things (for those who are righteous) for good.

He will bless her abundantly, beyond our wildest imaginings, if we just trust and obey. We will praise Him in all things, knowing He has great things planned for Cailin. So I am believing that this sad, sad news, news that sent my girl crying into my arms, will become a legacy of God's great mercy on her life. A story she can share with her daughter someday, when her heart is breaking, and she feels like there is nothing she can do. She can return to her Rock, and she can trust that as He provided for her, He will be true to provide for the one she loves.

He is the one, true, friend, the One who sticks closer than a brother... and so I pray that he shows Himself on her behalf; uplifting and encouraging and making her way blessed.

Christmas in The Big Woods

8 years ago we decided to "take back" Christmas for our family.


Prior to this year , we would travel 7 hours to our hometown to celebrate with our extended family; but that year,with two children under the age of two, it was a less than appealing proposition. I had spent the previous Christmas season with a newborn and 17 month old needing as much of mommy as possible, and squeezed shopping into late night trips after one was sleeping, and while the other was between feedings. I would race home for the 11:00 nursing, and then collapse, fighting colds and exhaustion, and regretful of the time away from my family, yet truly there was no other option; or so we thought.


My minds' eye held an image of the perfect Christmas, and mommy was at the center of every image... decking the halls, baking homemade treats for the neighbors, selecting the perfect gifts and having them beautifully wrapped and under the tree, and in the midst of this imparting the true meaning of Jesus' birth to my little ones...

Instead my house was a mess, I wasted time searching for gifts for people who were already blessed with all the necessities of life, and neglected to enjoy the gift of time as a family, celebrating this most wondrous time of year. Rusty had just finished football season, and with wrestling season already underway, Christmas was a short reprive for our little family; the only opportunity for us to snuggle in and enjoy one another before late night practices and weekend tournaments separated us again. We dreaded the hours spent in the car, and the endless rounds of gift exchanges. We love our extended family, and wanted to see them, but the rest of the holiday pressure was squeezing the joy out of this season.

I will forever be grateful to my husband for reclaiming Christmas for our family, and insisting that we celebrate as we believed, not as the world told us we should. We found a cabin in the woods, invited my parents to join us, packed the car with gifts and decorations; and we've never looked back!

So as we head off for our 9th "Christmas in the Big Woods" it is with hearts full of gratitude for time to be spent together, remembering that we are God's reason for this season. His love for us spurred Him to sacrifice the Perfect Gift, in exchange for us. What a wonderful God we serve, and celebrate.

Merry Christmas!

I Hit The Wall.

37 will be known as the year that I hit the wall.

For some unknown reason, I am different, and I think I like the new me. I am less likely to fret and stew over things, and more inclined to deal with them directly. I feel less obligation to withhold my true feelings, and am better able to say "no", to those things that require more of me than I have to offer, and enjoy more, those things to which I happily say "yes!".

I don't feel as obligated to be a one man band of entertainment for my daughters, and am less concerned that I am scarring them emotionally for life when they are unhappy with my expectations. I have a better awareness of what my job is as their mother, and what God really desires of me.

I realize more of who I truly am, and what inspires me, each and every day. I am less interested in what friends and acquaintances are doing, and more content to enjoy my home and the plans I have for the family within it.

I am more at peace with myself, and as a result, more at peace with those around me. This, however, is in stark contrast to the upset reigning simultaneously, as I also am inplementing the disciplines I have always wished for. The "new me" is accepting of the fact that others may be upset around me; that is part of life, and not earth shattering as I previously believed. Everyone is upset occassionally, and it is ok, life does go on.

I am willing to attend my husband's work Christmas party with roots, no manicure, and as of today (the party is tomorrow!), no new outfit. This is relevant because he is the principal, and this is the first time his staff will meet me. I am at peace because I accepted that there was no physical way I could make my hair appointment, and I won't waste energy worrying. It will be ok. This is monumental- this is what made me realize something is different about me!

I am able to accept that sometimes I am just tired and want to sit down and watch HGTV, and I allow myself to do that, even when the Christmas decorations are loitering the living room and entry. Perhaps every evening for a week.

I recognize more of my own faults, and fewer of others. I am more eager to repent, and remain in close fellowship with the Holy Spirit, than to grieve Him by holding tighlty to past hurts and resentments.

I am quieter. I am still full of laughter. I am learning to let go of who I thought I would be, and slowly, very slowly, learning to accept that who I am is ok after all.

You say "tomatoe", and Cassidy says...

After a week of enjoying the tree decorated only with lights (meaning: I had been too lazy to actually "decorate"), the girls and I finally tackled adding the actual ornaments one night last week. This part is always one of the highlights of the Christmas season for me, as we reminisce over the history of each unique ornament, one at a time, before placing them on the tree.

We love Christmas around here, dubbing ourselves the "Griswald's", and coming frighteningly close to living up to that name in many ways!
The fire was burning, candles flickering, and Christmas carols playing softly in the background. The girls were agreeably posing for pictures so we could share these memories with Daddy when he arrived home, and I was feeling downright full of the spirit of Christmas.

As Cassidy was placing her favorite angel ornament on the tree, she said in a reverent voice, "And this is my most posses*ed ornament, Mommy. Is that one your most posses*ed?"

Had I not seen the look of impending giggles about to erupt on her sister's face I might have let it go, and laughed with her daddy later. However, I could see Cailin was not going to let this one get past her, so as she snickered and Cassidy said "What?!" (knowing her sister's giggles are usually directed at her) I asked her if she meant "her most prized possession" or did we need to pray that her ornaments be free of demons"?

Puts a whole new spin on the "spirit of Christmas", doesn't it?

Slept like a baby.

Oh.my.word.

Mix a skating party, real coke, and a 10 year old, and what do you get? A child who can't go to sleep until one o'clock in the morning, and a very tired and bitter mother.

Oh my goodness, I can't believe I made the critical error of thinking a little soda wouldn't hurt. I mean, it was a skating party, she was expending incredible amounts of energy breezing past the boys and swinging her blinking, illuminated pacifier as she passed. How much of that caffeinated hype could linger in her system past the drive home, I foolishly asked myself as I allowed her to purchase the coveted drink.

The answer I gave myself was apparently horribly wrong. All the caffeine in that tiny coke cup would course through those veins for the next 4 hours. Four hours of my life that could have been far better spent doing laundry or cleaning, or, oh, I don't know, maybe sleeping! Instead I was reassuring my dramatic and now hyped - up daughter that the 30 mph gusts rattling the wreaths against her windows were not, in fact, ghosts or robbers. Sidenote... between the caffeine, the tacky blinking pacifiers, and the talk of ghosts I am seriously beginning to doubt my mothering skills. I mean it sounds as if I have been swapping parenting tips with Britney Spears, for pete's sake!

Anyway, after much prayer and deep theological discussion about God's protection and the fact that there are no such thing as ghosts, and also, for good measure, a reminder that I was in fact STILL AWAKE and how could anything possibly get past me to her, I conceeded defeat and climbed into her loft bed for a torturous hour of "sleep". When her snores convinced me she was finally out for the count, I staggered back to my own bed where I was happy to note that all our nighttime drama had escaped my husband who was sleeping peacefully, unaware that the dog was perched on his head.

Nana's Words of Wisdom

Cassidy turned nine this week, which I will have to post about after surviving tomorrow's party (hot on the heels of 2 Thanksgiving Day feasts and one family party!).

As she opened her gifts Tuesday, and the family watched, I said, "Gosh Cassidy! You sure got a lot of nice presents this year. Do you think we overdid it?".

Nana, without missing a beat, said in all seriousness, "Oh, no. You can't overdo it!".

From My Heart

I opened a journal from last year, and it fell open to the following prayer...

August 26, 2006

Yesterday was the official "first day of school" and it went great!... Both girls have great teachers with great spirits and I am so thankful to You for the blessing of having our children go to FCS. Father God, I cherish my quiet times with You, sitting on the porch with my sweet tea and the birds chirping, noone moving around the neighborhood. But today as I saw the rocker pulled close to mine, I am missing Cailin's presence!

So many mornings, as I have my quiet time, she is bee-bopping around, calling out ideas or "Hey Mom!", and I say, once again, "Sweet baby, please! Mommy loves to be with you, but this is God's time."

Sweet baby girl was with me all summer, just present, even if she was riding her scooter or her bike, and HOW do I miss her company now! I love those little angels... the mere thought of them brings tears to my eyes.

Lord, I want, I need, I crave the stillness. Please help me to cultivate calm through order. Please help me to cultivate diligence and consistency in loving ways. Please fill our home with the peace that passes understanding. And Lord, please remind me to see and grab onto the opportunities to be with the girls.

Let the rocking chair, pulled up close beside mine by a little girl eager to be with her mommy, be a visual reminder of my blessing in having these children. Let it also be a reminder of how I should be with You- eager to pull my chair up close to You, and just be with You.

How many miles?

This is the view at the end of our hike yesterday. There are more falls, further along the trail, that are even more impressive, or so we are told. We didn't witness those firsthand, however, at least not on this trip. Seeing how this was our first foray into "serious" hiking with the girls, I'm not sure they could have made that whole trip. Ahem.

Actually, the fact of the matter is that they did a great job hiking the 4. -something trail up the side of a mountain , and their journey was probably doubled when you account for the constant forays they took off the trail onto the boulders and down by the water. It was Mommy and Nana who were wiped out by trails end, and thankful to see an ice cold diet coke to celebrate our return!

It was a perfect day for a hike, and the most beautiful trail I have ever seen, especially with the leaves literally raining down in showers of color. The girls managed the entire afternoon with nary a complaint, and had a ball climbing over rocks and looking for trout in the pools of water. The sound of the water rushing over the rocks (thanks to the recent rain- finally!) was all we could hear, and the calmness seemed to inspire peace in the girls. No bickering, no whining, just lots of fun and laughter as they explored. It was such a blessing to be alone as a family with no agenda, other than to enjoy the creativity of God, and the blessing of this beautiful world He created.

We will definitely be back for more.

The Fun Starts Now!

Woohoo! The girls have early dismissal today so I am picking them up at noon and heading out to the boonies to the tack shop. Cailin needs some new half- chaps for riding, and the purple ones she picked out are too small. She has decided that the khahki jodphurs are just not her style now, and she wants to wear western attire. Since the only thing I "get" about horses is the clothing, I am happy to humor her by expanding her riding wardrobe. Now that her sister has also been bitten by the riding bug, I guess we will go ahead and let her try on riding helmets... might be good to know what she likes since her birthday is 3 weeks away!

After we have had our fill of tack room shopping we get to head back to town (I am not kidding!) and have a girls lunch out. I am debating if I should let them choose the restaurant again (and I use the term "restaurant" loosely!). Last time they chose the Long John Silver's / A&W combo and I still have heartburn! Maybe I can get them to go a little more upscale and go to Chick-Fil-A? No matter what we choose, it is always a treat for me to have my girls with me for lunch and just hang out with them like the good old days before school!

Our next stop is shoe shopping. The girls "must have flats", I have been told. Actually they really do need them, since I only bought new tennies for back to school and they have outgrown any other decent school shoes they had. This year I decided to wait for awhile after school started to buy much new, so they could see what is fun for fall and not just buy a ton of stuff that never gets worn. Plus it has been so hot this fall they have been wearing shorts and skirts with their plaid slip ons from the Tar-jay summer collection every day. I will be paying the extra overnight shipping from Land's End this weekend, however, now that the temps have dropped and shorts on Monday would be considered child abuse! The little plaid shoes are adorable but have gone beyond shabby chic to simply shabby, so flats shopping, here we come. Shoe shopping is just another thing that delights me about having girls. Rusty just laughs at the conversations we already have about "what is SO in" right now, and is even so sweet as to occassionally accompany us on one of our missions! (I love that he is such a great dad to girls- he enjoys their femininity, and doesn't ever make them feel they need to be something other than what they are!)

I am sure at this point in the afternoon I will be ready to drop, so I am grateful that riding lessons are cancelled due to rain and I can come home and crash for a nap, before taking Cailin to play rehearsal. While she is practicing and Rusty is at the football game I get to have special alone time with Cassidy, which is always a treat. Maybe we can snuggle up by the fireplace with popcorn, hot apple cider and a couple of good books. Sounds like the perfect ending to a fun, fall, Friday!

It's Fall Y'all!

I absolutely love fall! Besides decorating the front porch, some of my other fall favorites are...

• Friday night football games
• A visit to the pumpkin patch
• The Grave's Mountain Apple Festival
• Open windows with the whistle of the wind
• Burning lots of candles
• Starting to think about Christmas
• Lots of November birthdays to celebrate
• Making acorn pies for the squirrels
• Warming up the girls clothes in the dryer before they hop out of bed

Most of all, I love the feeling of nesting that fall brings with it.

Happy Fall, Y'all!

Edited to add: I had to say "y'all" because our neigbors/ friends recently relocated here from the North, and their kids are constantly telling my girls that y'all isn't a word. It cracks me up... I told them to just give it time and they'll come around to our way of speaking!

Calling all squirrels

Who: 5 neighborhood friends, ages 4-11
What: Lots of fun and giggles
Where: Backyard beneath oak trees
When: Balmy autumn afternoon, after all homework was complete
Why: Gathering acorns for acorn pie


One of our favorite fall traditions.

A Good Word For A Good Day

I went to be last night feeling a little unsettled. I spoke too freely with a coworker and shared some information that was not confidential, but which I wish I had kept to myself. I also talked with my employer, and that conversation didn't go as I had planned. Neither conversation was negative nor sinful, I just let fear and pride get the best of me and I spoke without seeking God's counsel. I was afraid the information I shared with a co-worker would be used by her to benefit herself, when in fact it really pertained to me. I worried that I had "blown an opportunity" for myself and there was no way to fix things to my advantage. The result was me feeling remorseful that I seem to say too much to some people, and not enough to others.

This morning I knew I needed to ask God for help to lift my mood and turn my thoughts to Him, and to make this a good day. My prayer was for me to first, trust that God would work all things together for my good, knowing that my intentions are pure and I am striving for truth. Then second, for God to speak to me and show me His way and to allow me peace- to just let it go! (Something I struggle with...)

As I sat down for my Bible time, I picked up The Message, a gift from Cailin's teacher and not my usual Bible. I felt like today would be a good day for simplicity, to hear God's Word in the most understandable form my tired brain could find. Here is what I read:

1 Peter 3:8-12
Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless- that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

Whoever wants to embrace life
and see the day fill up with good,
Here's what you do:
Say nothing evil or hurtful;
Snub evil and cultivate good;
Run after peace for all you're worth.
God looks on all this with approval,
listening and respoding well to what He's asked;
But He turns His back
on those who do evil things.

I love the way God meets me where I am, when I ask Him. He is so willing to provide just the right Word to every situation, if I just take the time to trust Him instead of stewing and trying to solve things myself. I asked for a good day in Him, and he took me to a verse that guides me in that very pursuit. I have so much to do today, but I felt His prompting that I really needed to spend time with Him first, that he had something I needed before I could handle today in His joy.

I am so glad I obeyed that prompting !

These bring me joy.

• Awakening to the poplar tree, framed by my window, glowing as if from within, as its newly yellow leaves catch the sunshine.
• Coming downstairs to the scent of pumpkin spice candles burning... and the awareness that Rusty lit them to bring me pleasure.
• The first fire of the season, and sharing it with Cassidy as she enjoys her autumn snack of warm apple cider and popcorn.
• The smile on Cailin's face when she skips to the car after play rehearsal, and the exuberance she returns to our home with her arrival.
• The silence of home after the girls are off to school, and the sweetness of several hours devoted to accomplishing some overdue tasks.
• The racket of giggles and chatter, and even bickering, when my sweet girls return home.
• Laughing hysterically with Cassidy as our hamsters race around our bathtub while their cage is being cleaned.
• Decorating the front porch with fall decorations, and Cassidy saying coming to our house makes people feel welcome.
• Feeling guilty for making grilled cheese and soup from a can for dinner, and then being told by each of the girls that my grilled cheese sandwiches are the best ever.
• Notes of encouragement from my Dad.
• Calls of encouragement from my Mom.
• A stack of books in every room, and Cailin asking me to awaken her early so she can read before school.

Home. Family. Faith.

Life is good.

Holy.

How can I teach the girls to be holy and set apart from this world? How do I know which relationships with non- believers are ministry and which are destructive to their faith? How do I monitor behaviors and attitudes when they are among their peers without seeming rigid or legalistic? How do I train them up in the way they should go, while allowing them to play among those who are probably going another direction?

These are my thoughts and prayers recently, as I tiptoe into the waters of mothering a "tween". Cailin is 10, and tends to be a little more innocent than many others her age, partly due to attending a Christian school, and partly because of our home. Still, I have become aware that I may have become a little more lax, a little more tolerant, than I would hope. I have permitted her and her sister to watch tv that I don't approve of just because I felt I was constantly saying "no". I have allowed her to wear clothing that was offensive to me (obviously nothing risque, of course, but just personally offensive to me) because I questioned my attitude, wondering if I was being too uptight.

Many of my friends, who are also Christians, are much more lenient with their daughters, and I think I was feeling a little old fashioned and out of touch. I wasn't concerned with "fitting in", but I was allowing others perceptions of my decisions to affect me. I asked God to show me where I have missed His mark and to guide me in the boundaries I should establish for the girls. Today He met me in my devotional time as I watched a favorite ministry program.

Lisa Bevere was speaking about her new book "Kissed The Girls and Made Them Cry", which is a study in cultivating purity in our daughters. Her words went straight to my heart as she reminded me that God's call for purity in our minds and bodies is not old fashioned or inhibiting. His ideals for our lives are freeing and liberating, as we are able to walk in the blessing of His wisdom and pleasure when we obey His Words. Lisa said that as Christians, we are constantly struggling to see how far we can go before we fall out of favor, or actually sin against God. Yet that isn't what we are called to. God didn't issue commands so we could follow rules. He created them so we would have safe parameters in which to experience the fullness of joy only He can provide.

What encouragement this was to me. God knew that I needed the reminder that our decisions, though temporarily sometimes painful to the girls, are still the right choices and in their best interest. We are raising them to be holy, not necessarily happy, and need to keep the ultimate goal in mind.

Thank You God, for speaking to me about those precious girls. Please strengthen me in my resolve to protect them from those things that are harmful, and I ask the Holy Spirirt to bring to my attention any areas that I am lacking in. You are a mighty and gracious God. Thank You for loving me.

Me.

Do you ever have that feeling of pure joy bubbling up inside of you? The feeling that tells you whatever you are in the midst of is part of God's great plan for your life? I am feeling that way right now. I just finished a task that filled me with such a sense of purpose, and reminded me that there are things I am passionate about. Things that God planted in me with a purpose. Things that I need to use, and share, in a way that glorifies God.

I am feeling so blessed and filled with gratitude for the "small things" in life .

Thank You God for loving me enough to reach down and plant a seed of joy in my heart when You know how much it will mean to me. You are so good. All the time.

Girlfriend Network.

I swear by the girlfriend network.

When I want to try out a new restaurant, store, or haircare product (and anything else- but you get the idea!) I don't go to the yellow pages, I go to my girlfriends. They are trustworthy and like what I like, generally speaking, so their suggestions carry more weight with me.

I have found the barn where my daughters ride, the paint color for my dining room, and even the church we recently visited, all through conversations with my friends. Moms spend hours in our little camp seats on the sidelines of soccer and field hockey practice. If we aren't sharing tips to make our lives easier we may default to gossip! This is a much more productive use of time, and everyone loves to share their opinion.

Well, recently, as I logged onto a blog to write out the items needed from Home Depot to paint a cabinet, I realized that the blogs I read are an extension of that network!

As I thought of the many times I implement a suggestion gleaned from a blog, I have to confess, the concept that I am making choices and purchases based on total stranger's recommendations gave me pause. I mean, I read about these ladies daily lives, but they have no idea who I am, and I only "know" them by their writing. Seems a little questionable, but I do love me a good referral and so I trusted and shopped. And shopped.

Now my home has acquired quite a few items based on recommendations, and I have even picked up some sweet homemaking habits, and I must say that they have all been exactly what I hoped. So the girlfriend network lives on... in the new 21st century version- the blogging "girlfriend" network.

I thought it might be fun to actually list some of those ideas and items, and where they came from:-)

From "A Chelsea Morning"
Making flannel blankets (for the homeless shelter)
Glade scented candles
Yummy asparagus salad
Febreezing my shih-tzu

From "In The Midst Of It"
Embroidery books
Menu Planning / Grocery list
Doing a load of laundry every morning
Burning peppermint oil - yum!
Parenting book

From "Scratchin' The surface"
Homemaking Books
I am encouraged to learn to sew after reading about her quilts and time spent sewing with friends.

From "BooMama"
Plaid pajama bottoms from WalMart last winter- still some of my faves!
Ohmyword the best pork tenderloin recipe EVER!

From "BigMama"
Mississippi Sin Dip
Color slicks lip gloss

I am sure I will add to this list. I wish I could link, but that is something still a little "too" 21st century for my sad little computer skills!

Memories

Last weekend Cailin had her best little buddy, Isabella, sleep over.

Saturday morning I let them use the griddle to make their own breakfast, and they spent a great deal of time, heads together, bent low over their pancakes, customizing their shapes with cookie cutters. After awhile, Cailin said, "Mommy, these are the times I want to remember, when Izzy and I are teenagers and adults. Us together just making pancakes."

Me, too, sweet girl. Me, too.

Try-antulas

Cassidy was playing a computer game, and as I sat watching her hop from branch to branch (she was a monkey in the game!) she had to dodge a deadly spider.

"Oooh!", I would squeal as she barely hopped past one after another, so afraid her little monkey woud run out of lives. She giggled hysterically at my screams as she told me she was "really good at missing the try-antulas".

Oh my word. The things she says just absolutely crack me up. From now on we will all refer to those hairy black spiders as "try-antulas".

I haven't posted in almost a month, although I have definitely been reading other blogs! I have been working on government year end orders, and have either been on the road meeting with clients, or chained to my desk e-mailing back and forth between designers and clients and manufacturers. Periodically I click over to one of my favorite blogs, one that is very "homey" and domestic, and just rest in the words of a momma raising her little ones. The links from her commenters lead me on a little trail of sweetness, so I read a few, then hop back to my aol account, and return to my reality of constant messaging.

I have missed posting, but I am thankful that I am able to restore the nurturing side of my soul through the words of others. And I remind myself that in just a few short weeks my life should return to a more respectable pace, and I can capture words from my own life, here again.

Back to School


The silence is deafening. There are no t.v.'s or laptops with webkinz droning in the background. Noone is asking for a popsicle, or if they can go next door to play. I miss the sound of muffled giggles and snippets of music as the doors open and close. No nail polish is being spilled, and no dog is being carried around like a baby.

Noone needs lunch, or a sisterly dispute settled, or even a hug or cuddle as they float through the room. The kitchen has remained clean for 7 hours and I have worked uninterrupted, guilt-free. I've remained at my desk, without checking the window every few minutes to monitor the bicycle gang patrolling our cul de sac. No scooters are crashed on the lawn, and I haven't made a single koolaid icee in days.

The beach towels are folded in the closet and I find uniforms, instead of bathing suits, tossed on the floor beside the hamper. The new calendar is posted on the fridge, and forms awaiting my signature pile up on the counter.

Is it 3:00 yet?

She loves me, she loves me not...

Last night, after a lengthy, heartfelt prayer, Cailin and I were snuggling , when she spoke up.

"Sometimes I think you love me more."

"More than what, sweetie?" (Assuming this was sibling comparison, and that because of my passionate prayer for her she was feeling a little more favored than her little sis.)

"Sometimes I just think you love me more than I love you."

Today I was reminded of our annual visit to see the cherry blossoms in D.C. It is always breathtakingly beautiful and the perfect setting for photo ops. This, of course, means that nothing ever works out for the perfect picture to occur. Be it rain or bad hair days, we have never been able to capture the amazing shot of the girls among the blossoms that is my hope.

This year I gave up before we even left, seeing as how the girls have reached the age where they feel entitled to choose their own clothing. And it no longer consists of precious matching gymboree outfits with bows in their hair and coordinated tights. No, now they prefer clothes that say things, like "I love horses!". Which is a nice sentiment and all, but not exactly the image I want to capture of my beautiful angels amidst the pastel blossoms.

So anyway, I wasn't even hoping for a Christmas card quality photo this year. I just wanted a great. family.outing.

The girls are usually gung ho for anything we do; I feel blessed that they are so much more agreeable that I was at their age. So it was a little odd for Cailin to ask if she could stay with a friend instead of going with us. Gasp! After assuring her that there was absolutely no way she could miss out on this fun family day, and allowing her to play her gameboy on the trip in, we forgot that she didn't want to be with us, and started off on our happy. family.outing.

She quickly reminded us that she was bored, her feet hurt, her stomach hurt, she "just wanted to go home", and horror of horrors, refused to smile for the pictures. That was the straw that broke the camels back. You can complain and have a bad attitude, but by golly you better not mess with mama's pictures. Even if you are wearing t-shirts and jeans; we must capture this moment for posterity. So her daddy took her aside and explained to her that talking is a privilege. If you choose to abuse it by speaking complaints and negativity, then you lose that privilege. The rest of us would not have our day ruined by her complaints, so she had to walk in total silence for the afternoon.

(My favorite part of the entire day was when she tried to tap Nana on the shoulder to point something out to her, and Daddy snapped, "And NO poking either!". That just cracked me up! It has become a family joke to now say, "And no poking, either, anytime things have gotten too serious.)

Surprisingly, the day turned around for all of us. We were able to walk around the Tidal Basin and enjoy the beautiful trees, and Cailin took the opportunity to adjust her attitude to one a little more pleasant to be around. This effort resulted in Daddy buying her favorite candy roasted almonds from the street vendor, and a good time was had by all!

I am writing this because I want to remember, when I look back, that in raising the girls sometimes we had to do the hard things. It wasn't easy to insist on silence for 2 hours. It hurt my heart to silence my chatty Cathy, but you know what? We don't live in a vacuum and our actions affect those around us. Cailin learned a great lesson that day, about how your attitude hurts not just yourself, but others as well. It isn't healthy to allow the opinion of one to shape the day for the group. So that is why we must do the hard things, because that is the job description of parenting, and that is why I choose to record this day's events.

I am so proud of my girls and their (normally) joyful hearts. They bring sunshine into the room when they enter, and my hope is for that to be their destiny. To bring joy and life into the world, instead of the gloom and selfishness that seems to be so pervasive in society.

I think we are off to a pretty good start.

Love Bug!

Yesterday Cassidy was such a little cuddle bug, which made my day! While we sat in the cool air conditioned car watching Cailin at her riding lesson, she climbed onto my lap for a chat.
"Mommy," she said, holding my face in her hands so she could look sincerely into my eyes, "I have something I want to tell you, and I mean it from the very top of my heart!".

"Or," she continued, "do I mean bottom?".

"No, baby girl," I assured her, "I prefer your way! It is a new Cassidy-ism!".

I love that girl!

The Most Wonderful Time of Year

August 1st is celebrated in our household by Rusty singing "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" while reading his college football forecast magazines, and surfing the sports channels for interviews and shots of the players in their first practice of the season. " Yes, he took an early "retirement" from coaching, but his heart will always yearn for the practice field on the first legal day to suit up.
I can't help but share some of his excitement... we started dating 21 years ago this month, and spent our first dates cheering on his beloved Big Reds, and then celebrating the win at Pizza Place (and they always won - even when playing my own high school!). It was a hard autumn for him, his first not playing for his beloved team, as a recent graduate, still figuring his way in the real world. This time of year always takes me back to being a 16 year old with a cute boyfriend and a letterman jacket to throw around my shoulders as we walked to the car, kicking the fallen leaves and celebrating life.
Later, I would find myself in the bleachers of a small mountain college, cheering for my hero despite the fact that the team lost every game, every season. OK, maybe not every game, but close enough for most of my memories to be tainted with his disappointment. Finally, after a shoulder surgery and then a knee, his playing days were officially over. But I still had many years in the bleachers ahead of me, first as the girlfriend, and later as the wife of the coach.
He was a gifted coach, with a love for the sport, and a God given gift at being able to spot talent and shape it into something bigger than it should have been. He loved the kids, and could get them to perform at levels higher than they believed they could. He molded their hearts and character, and taught them to never give up, the success was in the effort, not necessarily the win.
My babies were given showers by teams and parents, and our nanny was the parent of a wrestler, who wanted to give love back to the family of the man who had cared for her son when he was lonely and floundering. When we were in the hospital after delivery his students brought balloons and sat on the floor, beaming with pride at the "team baby". As I entered the stadium or gymnasium (depending on fall or winter, football or wrestling season) I never pushed a stroller or carried a diaper bag, because our "family" was always there to help me; pitching in for my husband, who was preoccupied helping their children. The greatest feeling though, was that no matter what was going on, every time I enetered Rusty would look up and wink, acknowledging that we were there and he was glad. We were loved and loved our life.

Gradually though, Rusty's love for the game was being overshadowed by his desire to provide more time and financial resources for his girls, and so a new course of life was determined. He would go to grad school and become a principal. Leaving coaching was probably the hardest thing he ever did; he gave up his personal dream for the greater dream of being a father to his own precious children. Instead of raising other people's children he opted for the ones under his own roof. I am glad and so thankful... most men wouldn't make that choice, and we are grateful for his love. So when football season rolls around, I don't mind him spending a few extra hours watching the games or eagerly looking for Sports Center. His sports career gave us a wonderful start to this life we share, and I have to agree that in many ways, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year!

Happy Days

It is one of those rare, dream summer days. Temperatures in the 70s with balmy breezes and no humidity. It's a shame we aren't going anywhere-it could be a great hair day! The girls both were at friends for sleepovers so I awoke to a leisurely morning of Bible study on the front porch, while Rusty got in a 3 mile run (I just remind myself that I am strengthening my heart spiritually while his is improved aerobically!)

Then I was able to head out alone for a stroll through the farmer's market where I loaded up on fresh green beans, potatos, tomatos, squash, and some organic grass fed beef... it sounded so wholesome I couldn't resist. Oh, and corn on the cob and a fresh rosemary plant for the deck. I can only hope the scent will linger in the car- heavenly!

While I was out Cailin and Daddy rode their bikes through the neighborhood and covered 5 miles... love that daddy and daughter time. He really is the most amazing father. Now the girls are helping daddy start another building project on the deck while I start dinner and put fresh sheets on the beds.

A simple day, but filled to the rim with joy.

That Girl!

We have recently been exposed to a whole new level of high quality entertainment in the television viewing arena. It is called Ice Truckers. This is a series about the men who risk their lives every winter hauling freight across a frozen river to a diamond plant in northern Canada. I think. It could be the north pole, I don't really pay a lot of attention, but the girls do.

This isn't something they are ordinarily allowed to watch, but they stayed up with Daddy one night to watch, and seemed quite captivated by the big men and the big trucks, and well, the ice, of course! So it has been a treat this summer to catch a few minutes of this charmer before bedtime. Cassidy, very astutely, noticed that "When the truckdrivers talk you don't hear a lot of their words!". You miss much of their expressions because most of their conversations are edited, and their more "colorful" language is bleeped out. When the girls asked us we just explained that it was to bleep out "bad words", thankful that they are imagining big, burly men in parkas and with frozen eyebrows muttering bu*t or stupid while navigating the frozen tundra.

Today I was out of town for work, and called home to check on the girls, who were celebrating having Nana all to themselves. She put the phone on speaker phone so we could all talk at once, but while we were chatting several calls beeped me on my cell phone. Cassidy heard them and asked Nana, "Is Mommy saying bad words?!".

It always amuses me to hear "my talk" back from the girls.

Just now I went into my room to apologize to the girls for being delayed with some work stuff. I originally told them I would need 10 minutes to prepare a quote for a client ,and then would be there to help them with their new friendship bracelet kits. Unfortunately, my boss called with a bit of a problem that is taking some time to handle. When I went to tell them I was sorry for not being there yet Cassidy said, as she showed me her nearly finished bracelet, "It's ok, I'm occupied."

It's funny... you don't always realize what you are saying to them until they say it back to you. Obviously keeping onesself occupied is a high priority with me!

Cailin's 10th Birthday Luau

Everyone agrees that this is the favorite party we have done. We had so much fun we want to have another luau for adults and kids later this summer! The party started with Cailin presenting the girls with leis and grass skirts and teaching them a simple hula. They moved to the front yard for a fun water game of "Tidal Wave" where 2 teams raced to empty their bucket full of water into another using only a sponge. They were hilarious in their skirts trying to race back and forth. Then they played beach ball volleyball, which got a little competitive, so we headed back to the deck for some more dancing and dinner. They also made pillows, did the limbo, smashed the pinata, and danced the night away. Along the way they also opened birthday gifts (playing "hot potato" with a coconut, and whoever had the coconut had their turn sitting by Cailin while she opened their gift) and ate a yummy ice cream birthday cake. The neighbors were wonderful to allow so much noise so late in the evening, but finally around 10:00 we brought the girls inside to watch Freaky Friday and go to sleep- yeah right!

It was a great party, and the girls were all a delight! Truly sweet girls who were well behaved and a joy to have in our home. Cailin is blessed with great friends! Happy Birthday Honey- hope you enjoyed your party!

The pinata. The girls were serious about whacking her with the bamboo, and she split on the 4th hit. We had a couple of softball players- they don't mess around!

Some of the yummy food. The girls absolutely loved the fresh coconut and pineapple, and begged for cocnut milk. Who knew!? OK, I admit... pepperoni pizza wasn't very authentic, so I kept it out of the shot.

The pergola with decorations. Yes, understatement is our trademark. Ahem. (The picture doesn't do it justice, but Rusty went a little crazy with things hanging off the pergola... I told him there is a fine line between fabulous and tacky, and he definitely crossed that line and kept going! Oh well... she loved it and that is what matters:-) )

(No idea why the picture is so small. It is amazing that I am posting pictures of anything. Amazing!)

Coconut cups with the girls' names on them in Hawaiian. The girls loved learning their names, and used them throughout the party. This is from the morning after; cups all washed and neatly lined up by super- daddy. I love that man! He cleans up after the party, and then prepares chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs for 12 little girls the morning after.

I love this picture with my Cassidoodle because she usually isn't a fan of having her picture taken. Isn't she beautiful! (Spoken like a proud Mama or what!)

The birthday girl making her flip flop pillow. These were a huge hit with the girls and a precious keepsake. Way better than I even hoped... when we opened the box up from the store Cailin even said, "Wow, Mom! These are cool! Not cheesy at all!". Can you tell we have had some not so great experiences with crafts from this particular company?

The goodie bags... filled with fondant decorated sugar cookies in the shape of bikinis, flip flops, swimsuits and sunglasses; hawaiian jewelry, luau themed magic washcloths, fruit shaped candy, hibiscus print emery boards, and the leis and grass skirts the girls wore at the party.

Daddy ~ at the girls' service! He mixed up delicious strawberry smoothies, served up in their coconut cups . The girls loved it, and so did Daddy (now known as Mr. Lukei - Rusty in Hawaiian!).

Luau! I am just trying to figuree out how to add pictures- hope this works!

Heard Around Home This Week

From Cailin as I told the girls how awesome it was that we were receiving so many congratulatory calls about Daddy's new job. I explained that everyone was so happy for daddy, and so proud! Cailin said from the backseat, without even looking up from her tamagatchi, " And maybe some of them are just glad to get him out of their hair!".

From Cassidy the day after Teddy (the hamster) was found dead in his cage. "And let's not tell them about the tragedy yesterday." (Of course the cutest part was her little hand cupped around her mouth as she delivered this message.)

Cassidy singing, at bedtime... "I like big butt and I will not lie. It's a truth that I can't deny!".
"Oh my. We don't use that word, and where on earth did you hear that song!?"
"Cailin. (big sister aagh!)
Into Cailin's room where Daddy was tucking her in. "Um, hello Cailin. Where did you hear this song!? "
She giggled , "Shark Tales"!

Have mercy!!